Dating thread 184! Where we don't take any nonsense !

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@UtterSocks I think to start with you need to not just look for people you would have a relationship with just people you find attractive (or at the least not unattractive) and personable and go and meet them for short dates.

I’m not sure what will happen with mr g but we get along great like friends and I’m very attracted to him. I also don’t ever wonder why he’s not text or what he’s doing etc either it’s very easy. But I’m not sure it will ever be a serious relationship but do i need or want one 🤷🏼‍♀️ Prob not. So maybe the key is not to think about the future too much.

@UtterSocks you don't sound undateable at all. You sound like you are just having a bad day. At the end of the day, you have potential irons on the go, and will definitely have more. It's certainly not your age because if anything, you have more free time as your kids are grown up plus there are plenty of women on the thread in their 50s who have met decent people. It's easy for me to say but just see tonight as a blip only. You sound great!

I'm 58, uttersocks so it's not your age. I push to meet early and don't pursue flakes. I was on tinder and POF and from what I've heard id bd scared of fabswingers too- but you'd be innundated if you dipped your toe there. I get days when I feel like you do but I console myself with the hope that everything can change with just one like, and it usually does, at least for a while. So don't give up.

Sorry for the late update - I didn’t get a chance to post anything when I went to the loo, and just heading home now. I’ve had a lovely evening with Miss Haircut, finishing with a very nice and lengthy snog in the middle of the station as we went our separate ways. Hopefully will arrange to meet up soon! Not sure if she’s what I’m looking for long term, but will just take it one date at a time and see what happens!

@TheCatWithTheHat yay really pleased it went well, one date at a time is the best way surly.

@UtterSocks I’m sorry your feeling down, lots of great advice there, but seeing dating/irons as add on to a great life is where I’d start, what else can you do to make life good? My kids are away with Stbxh for half term so as well as a date or two I want to fill it with things that I enjoy that are just for me, so I’m looking at a cooking class, a night away and a few days pottering around London, as well as continuing the huge declutter of changing my home from marital home to single family home!

@UtterSocks your post could've been written by me.
I think age has a lot to do with it. And still having children at home. Men in their 50s generally have older children and are free to do what they want, whenever they want.

I've been single 6 years. I've met only 3 men that I liked enough to think I could have a future with them.
Yesterday I gave up on an iron. He seems very nice but I realised I had nothing to say to him. I'm out and about keeping fit, meeting friends, going for a walk by myself etc.
He told me his job is boring, he doesn't like where he lives and he did nothing last weekend.

I'm on Fab and I've met some really nice men on there. Much better than the other apps. Happy to give you some advice if you want.
But otherwise I wish I knew the answer because I feel the same most of the time.

flaming I don’t think it was you re far fetched etc, first/second dates which are intense and extraordinary are very much celebrated on this thread. And it wasn’t me either, as I’ve been seeing MrGN as a FWB for a year, it’s just that since we’ve gone exclusive/L wordy (and my last DC has left home) the sex has ramped up 😂.

uttersocks I’m at a bit of a loss as to your lack of strikes as you sound lovely and are in the right industry for meeting people. You are very busy which makes things difficult. I wonder whether you should try Fabswingers? It’s where I found MrGN and batshit found Mr BC.

I have also met a really nice guy through Fab, been seeing each other nearly 5 months.
I'm too scared to call it a relationship due to my own previous experience in my marriage so we've agreed to call it a flirtationship.

Surprised how many relationships there are through FAb. I went in the site once and found it scary. But also difficult as a lack of faces. How do you find someone who isn't having sex with randoms every weekend?

@Notcoolmum

I put in my bio that I required face photos to be sent with their first message. If they didnt and I like their bio I asked for them if I didnt like the bio I just deleted the message.

I joined to find an FB who lived more local to me than the FB I had at the time.
The guy I'm seeing now is just down the road and was the 2nd person I met from there. At the start we were both sleeping with others because it was an FB situation but I've not had sex with anyone else since early December and I think he hasnt since mid November.

We are not exclusive but have agreed that if we want to have sex with someone else we have to tell the other person.

I guess it all comes down to trust, I have no trust in anyone but its working at the moment.

Funny isn't it because I could have done FAB so easily pre Mr U. I don't know if I could cope with non exclusive now. I seem to have lost all my sexual confidence. No idea why. It was like post marriage I was up for anything and had loads of dates/sex but now I can't imagine even snogging someone. Or someone fancying me. I so need to sort my head out.

Fab is scary as fuck. I Only lasted 20 minutes before the site deleted me 😂 but in that time I’d written down two WA numbers, one was MrGN’s and we had a meet the next night. So it was just serendipity, but maybe Fab’s advantage is that the men there actually want to meet live women. Increasingly on Tinder and especially Bumble I felt the men were just there to notch up virtual ‘conquests’ and had no intention of ever leaving their mum’s basement.

@TigerDater thats a really good point about the sites having men just wanting a list of virtual conquests. Very true.

I am struggling today. Have had a week of great chats with Mr Repeat (we had a fling years ago) he told me that he really liked me back then and is excited to see me again, lots of nice, normal catching up chat. We don't message all day everyday but have a few times a day everyday for the last 10 days and a few evenings has been constant (all on WhatsApp)

We'd arranged to meet tonight, time & place agreed and had a really lovely long chat Monday night. He sent the last message and at lunchtime yesterday I messaged him and I haven't heard a word since. He's not read it, but like most people I'd imagine he'll be near his phone at some point in 24 hours!

I feel a bit sick as he's the first guy I've actually agreed to meet since splitting from my STBXH and it felt right because we had history and he's been so nice to chat to, but now I'm worried he's ghosted me for some reason and I'm worried about that knocking my confidence.

Should I send another message today? Maybe tx as WhatsApp not been read? Or shall I just leave it and tell myself if I don't hear from him despite the plans then it wasn't meant to be and he's not a nice guy after all?

@unambiguousbeard you sound very sad at present, have you looked into counselling. You just sound like you have tons on your plate, too much for anyone to juggle.

@pomegranatefizz. Has he been on line and not read it or not been online at all ?

pomegranate don’t message again. Almost certainly he’ll get back to you but if your last one has not been read, what’s the point of sending another? And if he has ghosted you, why would that knock your confidence? He would be the one with the problem, not you - see the rule about people being weird. Just be indignant.

@eesha yeah I am quite depressed. I've had so much counselling throughout my life and I could definitely do with some now. I have no one to offload to really and there is so much shit going on. It's finding the time though. Also it's partly my thyroid which has been up and down since September. Hopefully I'm getting towards the right dose now. I'm ok I'm getting through life I'm just trudging through it rather than enjoying it and that pisses me off as it's such a waste! At least I recognise that dating/men are off the table atm. The old me would have kept on shagging... and did.

@Jane1978xx I don't think he's been online at all.

@TigerDater Yeh you're right, no point at all. I suppose I can see it's been delivered if not read and that's how we've been chatting so if he wants to talk he'll know that's how!

You're also right about the problem being his not mine if he has disappeared. I suppose I feel this is the first time I've made myself available to anyone since my husband and I separated and he had an affair so I'm maybe a bit sensitive.

Thing is by my age I know it's just a phase. It won't always be like this. I've got 4 huge things going on and 2 of them will resolve soon. House sale/move and divorce. And I amaze myself by how strong I am. Which is good.

@pomegranatefizz you're not being sensitive you're being sensible. You never know what's going on with people. Fingers crossed he's just busy.

I am more than happy to PM or post screenshots and anything that anyone might want to see. I’m not a troll. Probably an idiot

I’ve been on MN a long time but NC a while back because previously I had been very anti men and RS and then had a break from dating for my own good (well over a year of no dates no OLD nothing) and came back on because I feel like I am ready and to start a new. Mr Muddle and I are pretty ridiculous and we both agree on that but except for my DC staying home alone a couple times no one else is involved. I met his parents as a last minute Sunday lunch thing which isn’t something I would usually do at all. I’ve been cautious for so long and we just have really clicked. Well aware it’s mostly lust and hormones and just having fun. Trust and intimacy takes a long time to develop in a deep way, I’m just enjoying this part really and very clear about where my boundaries are in terms of rushing in with kids or anything more than that. We are going out having fun and having a lot of sex - I’ve left a shorts and T-shirt at his house and some knickers that he chucks in the wash, no one is getting married off the back of it

Appreciate if anyone is concerned about anything just come out and say or or ask - or I will leave the thread if people don’t feel comfortable with me here anymore. I’m not sure I do now

unsmbiguous you are immensely strong and resilient too in facing so many issues at once. As you say, things do resolve and life always moves forward, even at those times when we are feeling dreary and a bit overwhelmed. Onwards and upwards I think is the rallying cry!

@Menora don't take umbrage. I think it sounds like you have your head screwed on and are enjoying it for what it is. Can't speak for mr muddle. Your DCs are grown up, if they can't take you dating then they're selfish. They're not vulnerable children. You're not mentioning the l word or a future you're going with it. Every now and then the thread goes like this. Some posters can do what they like others get flamed for doing similar. As in life. Please stay!

We are all different, and work differently don't we, it's good to get other's points of view, and I don't want anyone to leave! @menora you don't have to prove anything....and just do what works for you.

@pomegranatefizz - awful if that happens, but it's nothing you have done....some people are just flakes, and the only benefit is if it's been weeded out early.

Sorry to people struggling.....:-(

@TheCatWithTheHat - glad you had a good date with Miss Haircut, any plans to see again?

I haven't had a chance yet to talk about Saturday plans with Mr Dumfries.....I was out yesterday and never got back until late so only exchanged a few messages, and didn't want to bring it up!