Dating thread 184! Where we don't take any nonsense !

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@shitwithsugaron thank you. Right now I just want food and sleep. All I have had all day is 2 cups of tea, a ham sandwich and 6 biscuits. On the plus side its all stayed down which has never happened post op before.

@shitwithsugaront It was dominos for me tonight. The diet can for one night. Did start chatting to some potential irons while waiting. I don't think I lasted a day into my 2 month break

@dancer glad your op has gone ok today.....and you've found some irons, passes the time doesn't it!

Had the most awkward date with Mr IT. I had a date with him 8 months ago. Went ok, but then he sent me a sex text message, put me off. I didn’t respond.

Fast forward few weeks ago, reconnected. Went on a date last weekend, was good. So he came round for tea tonight. He was a bit pushy asking to come round, but thought tea in would be ok.

Something felt off in my gut when he arrived. He has a patronising voice, not deliberately. He brought round wine, as he said to drink, even though he drove and lives a bit away. We didn’t move from the table to sofa as I felt uncomfortable.

Thankfully he left after 2 hours. I was looking at the clock a lot. Lessons learned - his off putting text still put me off 8 months later.

On to the next!

Only potential irons at the moment. Not swapped numbers or arranged dates yet. Did play a little of the sympathy card though. No idea where if anywhere it's going with Mr Dimples but he did remember that I was having surgery today

What are people's thoughts on dating those whose exes have cheated? My ex partners ex cheated and later I realised he was abusive so perhaps drove her away. I'm chatting to an iron whose ex cheated. He is ok with it now but I guess I'm wondering whether there are reasons etc....

@Eesha I've not posted for a while but felt I had to respond to you. I can't speak for anyone else but I know thee are a few of us who have been cheated on on here, me included.
I find it upsetting to think that someone then wouldn't go near me in case I did something to 'deserve' that.
I can assure you that I did nothing to deserve my husband having an affair and ripping mine and my kids lives apart, regardless of what he might have said. Unless "making him feel bad about going out" (all of the time) or "not going out with my friends enough" (when did I get chance when he was out all the time) count as good enough reasons to end a 13 year marriage.

No-one deserves to be cheated on but it happens a lot. It just seems to be women it happens to more and you can always find a 'reason' to justify it if you want to.

Just to add...what I WOULD be wary of is someone who has cheated on their ex, not the other way around.

@Sunshineandflipflops yes I agree and sorry if it came across badly. I think my situation was a bit different in that my ex still sees his ex as being in the wrong because she cheated on him. It's only now I have direct experience, I somewhat understand why she might have chosen that path even though I don't believe it was right. I guess it's made me a bit wary when people say they have been cheated on as I then look for an underlying story.

@Eesha I'm sure in some cases there is an underlying story but like sunshine i would hate somebody to assume I'd done something really wrong to deserve being cheated on in my marriage and should therefore be avoided.

Similarly somebody who has done the cheating is a massive no-no for me having been on the receiving end. There is no grey area for me on that topic, but it's not something people tend to admit prior to or on a 1st date is it 😂

What does everyone think of a date that was nice but boring? He did all the right things (paid for the date, well educated, was kind and respectful) but just didn’t set my world on fire. Am I just seeking out the rollercoaster of dating a “bad boy” and falling in to toxic old habits? Or can you have a good guy and the excitement too?

Go on another date. He may be nervous, trying not to be that bad guy to impress you. It takes a few dates to get to know someone. I always think that if I get in with a guy in the first date, go out again and see if the spark is there.

Eeasha- is be more conceded that my potential date was the one who had cheated. There must be loads of them in the dating world. Probably won’t tell you either.

Mr S has cheated on his wife and admitted it before we met I think. For someone reason I allowed myself to believe it was with a different person and different circumstances. I see now it's a character trait. His wife never knew.

If someone had cheated it would def put me off. it would also out me off if the person had been the other women/guy (if they had known that's what they were).

where do u find people that want to date? I seem to be attracting all the guys who want to pop by or stop over. really defining to wonder what's wrong with me and what vibes I'm giving off. I mean I'm not in to lavish dates or getting dressed up but is a coffee out of the question?

@crazycatlady20 I've assumed it's what my profile gives out but also who I swipe on. I had a list of 'rules' and I'd have unmatched anyone where it felt like they just wanted to 'hang'. Maybe my age too?

@Eesha If someone decided I wasn’t ‘date worthy’ because an ex had an affair I’d think I’d had a lucky escape if they were honest as to why I wasn’t ‘date worthy’. Not a fan of any form of victim blaming.

@crazycatlady20 I keep meaning to ask, but would you be willing to share photos of your cats? Probably be a weird question, but worth a shot!

@notcoolmum maybe, I dont have much on my profile but nothing to suggest I wanna hang straight away. I actually dont mind hanging out as long as I'm not being used for sex. I do say I'm there to date and relationship.

@SimonJT I dint actually have any cats, I'm more a dog person. that was my undercover name lol

I cannot believe you would be so treacherous!

@simonjt I feel bad now. I can find some random pics if u like 😂

I spent yesterday evening with potential fwb, Mr Young. Wow! I had forgotten what good sex is like. And I almost cancelled because I was having second thoughts.
The only problem is that our diaries rarely coincide, so it's likely to be about 3 weeks before I could see him again.

I've still got 2 other potentials that I've met for a social meet. So now I'm dithering. Do I meet either or both of the other two, knowing that it'll be for sex? Or just enjoy Mr Young as and when we can meet? Do people have more than one fwb?
I've had one before but we only met very occasionally which I found a bit frustrating.

Okay so I'm meant to be going to see Mr Dumfries today. It's planned apart from specific timings.

He hasn't messaged today, was going to message him but I kind of expect a message to ask when I'm setting off, drive careful etc.

Am I being overly dramatic? If someone is travelling 1.hours it's polite to check in right? Not v impressed.

Yes it's polite. I'm the sort of stubborn that wouldn't leave until I'd heard from them!! @bangheadhere40

@notcool I don't think I'm going to leave until he messages me.