My husband left me walking 8 miles this night..

[Sunnyseal]

Our relationship was not amazing for the last couple of years (10 years relationship) My husband became emotionally colder, inattentive. But nothing major. I knew it's a very deep crisis we are in.. But..

We were in the unit we are renting for our little printing company. I asked him to do one thing for my university project that didn't turned out great (and I spoiled it further) and I was upset. We came there with my hope to fix it, but it didn't work out, which meant more time and materials to make second version of it. I was upset (I am also very sick now, with ear infection and sinusitis, doing quite demanding masters and drained by exams, he knows all of this). He wasn't getting it. Asked to drive me home, instead of going shopping, very calmly. He stepped back inside, crossing hands demanding explanations and obviously provoking a conflict as I told that wished he put more effort into thing that is important to me..

Our conflicts drain me a lot lately.. I fight depression, have a little bit better period now, and God knows how I want to stay at least this way.. And he also knows it too..

I wanted to chill a bit, and walked out from the court, in direction of home.. Like 30 meters? A bit more? .. I knew he will close the unit, and will go, and I will just get inside when he will go past me over.. but he even didn't look at me and zoomed by me..

I can’t believe some people seem to think this is somehow ok

What kind of man leaves his wife and mother of his child to make her way home through an industrial estate and down a dual carriageway and woodland in the dark and in the midst of a storm???

Then he doesn’t even check his phone for 3 hours and goes to sleep???

And some people think the OP is making a fuss? What planet are you on, seriously?

This is unbelievable.

OP, I’m sorry, but I would have to leave him over that. I’m really sorry, but I think you have to now. You can’t love, respect or have any reasonable relationship with a man like this. It’s very shocking. I’m so sorry.

OP, I do think that you sound like a pain in the arse, but there is no excuse for leaving you with that walk. Unless you are exaggerating, an 8 mile walk along remote dual carriageway is an unforgivable thing imo. The fact that he was able to sleep peacefully does demonstrate, sadly, that he no longer cares for you and your relationship is effectively over.

In fairness, what alternative had he? Bundle her into the car?

It’s a nasty thing to do to leave someone to walk 8 miles regardless.

So it’s interesting that you have listed lots of “reasons” why he should have; depression, your cold, difficult masters, trouble printing etc.

But yet he still did. So I would say you have no choice. He’s finished with you.

I understand you're feeling stressed and poorly but I think you need to own the choices you made. You left as a grown adult because you wanted to go home and not food shopping as things hadn't worked out. He went food shopping as agreed.
Have you taken on too much? If so, tackle it but I think you're unfair to blame everything on your husband.
We don't really know if you stormed out or not - we weren't there but there was clearly stubbornness and lack of communication.
I hope you work it out, but as a grown adult, if I'd made that choice, it would be mine to own.
Good luck

NothingWrong stop the car next to her and wait for her to get in! Bloody hell some people are obtuse!

Jesus Christ her husband left her to walk home in the dark. Eight miles away, along duel carriageway and bloody forests whilst she is ill and posters are blaming HER! He is a mean person OP and you should leave him.

Responses like those in this thread are why I don’t recommend mumsnet to people any more

YANBU
Yes you had an argument about your project which still came out wrong even with his help and you ended up in anger, saying he didn’t put any effort into it.
You took a walk to stay calm. He locks up, leaves and drives right past you. You text him.
Your phone died and you did not think to go into anywhere to charge it or ask to borrow a phone to call him for a ride or a cab.
So you walked the entire way home to find he fell asleep and hadn’t seen your message.

Maybe he was thinking you’d call if you needed a ride and since you didn’t call.....

I was thinking it was a bad situation made worse by a dead phone.

But then you said he has no remorse for just leaving you, and no concern about you walking all that way. To me that is awful. He should be aware that you didn’t just decide to walk off, you felt you needed to to avoid escalating the argument you were both having. He is at minimum 50% responsible for you walking off. And if when he drove past you he was thinking, if she calls I’ll come get her...then he would have expressed remorse when you did get home and mentioned your phone was dead.
So, he’s very cold hearted and caculating, it’s almost like he is smug about you having to walk home. Which is wrong and terrifying.

I could not live with a man who treats me like that and has such low regard for my safety.

WOW - Your husband left you to walk 8 miles home alone, in the dark, during a storm without a care?

Honestly, this would be grounds for divorce if I were you. Your husband clearly doesn't care about you. Regardless whether you stormed off or not, your dick of a husband shouldn't leave someone he supposedly loves in such a dangerous situation.

The fact that even now he doesn't see that what he did was disgusting speaks volumes. LTB.

My husband and I are going through a difficult patch and are arguing most days but no matter what he would never do that to me, ever. He would have either dragged me in the car to make sure I was safe or driven along side me until I got into the car or call a taxi.

Your husband is an absolute wanker and you'd be an idiot to stay with him.

God, you might have been being a bit arsey but my partner would never ever be Albee to just leave me there. He might drive off but he'd return after calming down for a minute.

Especially in this bloody rain when you're ill

He's a selfish dick, unless you were aggressive and unsafe to be with him in the car he has no excuse to not at least attempt to drive you back home.

Women are allowed to not be absolute perfect humans all the time. That doesn't mean they deserve whatever is thrown at them or to be abandoned at night to do a 8 mile walk .

He didn't care enough to stop, come back or at least worry. I couldn't trust someone like that.

Wow.

What a horrible man.

There is no way I would stay with someone who did this. It IS absolute betrayal. Get better then get ducks in a row and get the rock out.

Fwiw - exh would have done similar to me. He was controlling abusive and cruel. My dp would never, ever put me in danger like that for any reason.

Posters here who think the OP deserved to be left to walk home because she’s “hard work” / “nagging” a “martyr” or any other choice insult should probably re-examine their own low standards.

OPs husband behave appallingly. It’s inexcusable. OP you deserve better.

Whatever you do, do NOT have children with this man.

It does sound like the OP stormed off tbh, leaving not just the unit but the forecourt area. That's quite a childish/manipulate thing to do.

How was her husband supposed to know that she didn't have any charge on her battery or any money? From his point of view she'd left. She didn't just step outside for breathing space, she kept walking.

Op is an adult and should be perfectly capable of getting herself from a to b independently. When you leave the house you take money, keys, phone.

And if you don't have those things, maybe think twice about storming off.

I cannot understand why some loons are defending him, OP. Maybe that's how they get their jollies, kicking someone who is down. One can only feel sorry for them, I suppose.

He's a prick, OP, get rid. Your life will be better without him.

In fairness, what alternative had he? Bundle her into the car?

Where does she say that he stopped the car and asked her to get in and she refused? That's right - she didn't say that, she said he drove straight past her. What planet are you on??

Whatever the build up, to knowingly drive off at night, 8 miles from home, in dreadful weather is appalling.

To go home, go to sleep and not give a toss is unforgivable.

There are few parts of the country that are not some combination of strong winds, torrential rain, ice or snow at the moment. Planning an 8 mile walk would take serious consideration of route, clothing, supplies and contingency plan. It's the kind of distance I run which can take me from home, to the city centre, past industrial estates and out into countryside. Places to get help are suprisingly sparse. I can not think of a single pay phone left outside the city centre. You're more likely to find a derilict pub than an open one. Most shops are shut at that time of night. Walking routes are different to driving routes especially if the unit was away from town. Many routes are unlit or don't have safe footpaths. Some areas, you just do not go through at night on your own. There's one part of my running routes where an extra mile is added purely to avoid crossing a dangerous dual carriageway.

If he has not accepted the position you were left in and is not extremely and sincerely appologetic, your marriage is dead because he absolutely does not care anymore.

Ignore the posters who are trying to blame you. I have been your husband in this scenario. DH has walked off after a petty arguement and I was very tempted just to leave him. He had money and a phone but I didn't because I am not a cunt. Your DH was power tripping.

How is he the rest of the time; loving? Good father? Supportive? Or does he play games with you?

Could you be depressed because of your marriage generally? This is no life. You wouldn't treat a stranger like that. It's over. See a solicitor. Get things sorted.

Why didn’t you get a taxi? You could’ve paid when you got home if you had no cash

I agree you should report your original post and ask for it to be moved to Relationships. You'll get less angry 'not reading the post properly knee jerk' answers.

You're having a stressful time. You wanted some support from your DH and he didn't step up. Yes you were frazzled and needed some space but not 8 bloody miles of it! Just outside the unit.

DH and I had marriage counselling last year because every stressful time blew up into a huge row. We're through it now as he worked on himself exacerbating my stress and I worked on not nagging him. However if he'd done this to me without remorse I wonder if it would have been worth saving.

Some people are ice cold in here 😂

Fwiw I can see all the points against the OP. I do agree that walking off and expecting the other partner to chase you is a shitty move. As a poster said above, if her dh did it then she'd be tempted to call his bluff on their huff.
But I think the point of you wouldn't do it, no matter how tempting if you were in a loving relationship. Or at least you wouldn't do it without offering them the opportunity to get in and would only drive off if they doubled down on their behavior.

I do think that part is playing the victim because it forces the other party to be the one to reach out etc or lead to some "will you please get in the car" conversation even if the stormer off was in the wrong on the first play. So it's a bit of a shitty power play to either force the other person in to an conciliatory position or else be a cruel asshole by driving by in which case the stormer off can once again be the victim.

Having said all that it's still a bigger asshole power play to abandon someone because you happen to be the driver so you're in control.

I think anyone who was still in a loving relationship would insist/make an effort to get the other person in the car and then make it clear that they're livid/think that what they've done is horrible and manipulative/ will drive off next time.

I think regardless of who is right and wrong it's a clear indication that there is very little love in this relationship flowing either way.

Sounds like theres fault on both sides here. Eg. Storming out when you h had come to help you and h driving home without you leaving you in an unsafe location to walk home. Op hope you manage to sleep well and maybe see gp today as you sound very stressed. How much longer do you have to go until the masters is finished. Does sound like you might need marriage counselling.