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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My husband left me walking 8 miles this night..

295 replies

Sunnyseal · 11/02/2020 01:04

Our relationship was not amazing for the last couple of years (10 years relationship) My husband became emotionally colder, inattentive. But nothing major. I knew it's a very deep crisis we are in.. But..

We were in the unit we are renting for our little printing company. I asked him to do one thing for my university project that didn't turned out great (and I spoiled it further) and I was upset. We came there with my hope to fix it, but it didn't work out, which meant more time and materials to make second version of it. I was upset (I am also very sick now, with ear infection and sinusitis, doing quite demanding masters and drained by exams, he knows all of this). He wasn't getting it. Asked to drive me home, instead of going shopping, very calmly. He stepped back inside, crossing hands demanding explanations and obviously provoking a conflict as I told that wished he put more effort into thing that is important to me..

Our conflicts drain me a lot lately.. I fight depression, have a little bit better period now, and God knows how I want to stay at least this way.. And he also knows it too..

I wanted to chill a bit, and walked out from the court, in direction of home.. Like 30 meters? A bit more? .. I knew he will close the unit, and will go, and I will just get inside when he will go past me over.. but he even didn't look at me and zoomed by me..

OP posts:
alexdgr8 · 11/02/2020 02:12

well put, f*cket.

Happy101 · 11/02/2020 02:13

Maybe try some therapy. It can really help clear all the clouds in your head, so you can see more clearly. It sounds like you guys had something really good at one point, and if you do want to stay and make it work, a neutral space to really talk can do wonders.

NothingWrong · 11/02/2020 02:17

That is a standard "half of square" court of units.

What do you mean by this?

Sunnyseal · 11/02/2020 02:23

Project is something our company specialises in. And that's true that he didn't put effort into it as it wasn't a paid order, but something I needed. I do my part of the job for orders.

Maybe I sound needy, as I am upset now, but as I am more depending on him with my university.

If I will add details it will be drip feeding and it will be outing for anyone from school who knows me.. I don't want this.

Anyway, thank you guys for replies and opinions very much.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 11/02/2020 02:27

@NothingWrong I think this means the industrial units are arranged in 3 sides of a square.

Sunnyseal · 11/02/2020 02:29

Nothing wrong, if you imagine little industrial units as terraced houses I just calmly walked out of the yard. I wasn't going to run away..

OP posts:
oldfashionedtastingtea · 11/02/2020 02:29

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Sunnyseal · 11/02/2020 02:30

Ohyesiam, yes, thank you

OP posts:
resisterpersister · 11/02/2020 02:33

You don't sound needy at all. Your only mistake is to post in AIBU, it's full of fucking emotional vampires who get their kicks from putting someone else down. You saying you walked out has been blown up in their minds to you throwing a full on strop and storming out and by god they want to punish you for it.

Ignore them, they're pathetic.

But, next time, try posing in Relationships, not as many arseholes there, lots of women who'll support you leaving (if that's what you do).

YANBU. He shouldn't have left you there and even worse, he doesn't give a shit. I'm sorry Flowers

Sunnyseal · 11/02/2020 02:40

oldfashionedtastingtea so for example when I am helping him, when that is a side unpaid project and I do my job well, that doesn't count.. Ok :-)

Maybe I do sound like a drama queen.. I am sick, stressed was scared and very upset.. And the whole situation is hard to explain, and you are giving perspective/sides.. In the end of the day there's 50 % of my fault in problems overall.. But today's... Something is broken inside..

OP posts:
Topseyt · 11/02/2020 02:43

I don't think there is any good reason for what he did even though neither of you behaved particularly well. Leaving you at risk like that and not caring at all!!?? I'm surprised some people seem to be trying to excuse or explain it.

He should have ensured you got home safely. The rest could have been sorted out or argued further later. He should not simply have driven off and then gone to sleep as though your safety is as nothing and just a minor issue.

I wouldn't be able to forgive this. It's shitty behaviour. Look at all aspects of your relationship and decide whether or not you want it to continue. He has clearly showed you that he is capable of just leaving you at risk like this and not caring. He will do it again. That is how little respect he has for you.

Sunnyseal · 11/02/2020 02:44

Thank you so much for all your replies.. I have a lot to think about.. Will go to sleep now.

OP posts:
knowmenclature · 11/02/2020 02:44

You are awesome to be working, raising a young son, and doing a masters.

You didn't storm out, and he's an absolute arsehole to leave you to walk 8 miles in this weather, ans then not care when you're not home straight after him.

I'm afraid he doesn't like you at all to treat you this way.

Please ignore all the shitty comments you've had, some people have very low standards and think its ok to be treated this way. It's not.

I would say your relationship is over, if it wasn't already, like you say.

Don't forget all that you are doing. You will continue to do well, drop the nasty bastard.

Look after yourself and ignore the fuckwits.

Topseyt · 11/02/2020 02:49

You are not a drama queen over this. Ignore those posters suggesting you are. There are people on AIBU who love nothing more than a bitch fest and kicking someone when they are down.

It was seriously shitty behaviour from him. It was inexcusable. Nobody in their right mind could possibly see it any other way.

oldfashionedtastingtea · 11/02/2020 02:51

oldfashionedtastingtea so for example when I am helping him, when that is a side unpaid project and I do my job well, that doesn't count.. Ok :-)

Count for what? That it's then suddenly okay to storm off another time? Are you keeping score? See, this sounds like you behaving like a dramatic teen.

oldfashionedtastingtea · 11/02/2020 02:52

You are not a drama queen over this. Ignore those posters suggesting you are. There are people on AIBU who love nothing more than a bitch fest and kicking someone when they are down.

Or maybe we can see the other side of it? Not just OPs version of the story?

svenwhen · 11/02/2020 02:53

You didn't deserve that , it sounds like he doesn't care about you at all.
You should write all this in the Relationships section, not here in aibu

bettybeans · 11/02/2020 02:54

Agreed knowmenclature. Some seriously vindictive projection and “you asked for it” stuff going on here. You didn’t ask to be left to walk 8 miles in dark by yourself, not even if you were behaving badly. We all have outbursts from time to time and his response was disproportionate and cruel. It speaks volumes of his character - or lack thereof. Life and marriage get stressful, you need to know he won’t put you at risk or there’s no trust at all. Shouldn’t do that to anyone at all, never mind your wife.

knowmenclature · 11/02/2020 03:06

She didnt 'storm' anywhere

Are you not reading?

Its worrying that any woman thinks this mans behaviour is in any way acceptable.

No matter what my oh or dc did, I could never leave them to walk 8 miles in this weather, ill, along a very dodgy and forested isolated area.

Thats one real nasty fucker that does than, or any that think its ok, nasty fuckers.

endofthelinefinally · 11/02/2020 03:09

@Sunnyseal
Report your original post and ask MN to move it to the relationships board.
You will get good advice and support there.
AIBU is really not a good place to post for anything serious.

BlackCatSleeping · 11/02/2020 03:14

How long do you have left with your masters?

I’d wait until you finish your masters, try to find a good job, and leave him. You deserve better than this.

SnowyRacoon · 11/02/2020 03:15

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bettybeans · 11/02/2020 03:19

Wow. Just....wow.

pallisers · 11/02/2020 03:33

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alexdgr8 · 11/02/2020 03:34

maybe he's trying to get you to leave him.