My husband left me walking 8 miles this night..

[Sunnyseal]

Our relationship was not amazing for the last couple of years (10 years relationship) My husband became emotionally colder, inattentive. But nothing major. I knew it's a very deep crisis we are in.. But..

We were in the unit we are renting for our little printing company. I asked him to do one thing for my university project that didn't turned out great (and I spoiled it further) and I was upset. We came there with my hope to fix it, but it didn't work out, which meant more time and materials to make second version of it. I was upset (I am also very sick now, with ear infection and sinusitis, doing quite demanding masters and drained by exams, he knows all of this). He wasn't getting it. Asked to drive me home, instead of going shopping, very calmly. He stepped back inside, crossing hands demanding explanations and obviously provoking a conflict as I told that wished he put more effort into thing that is important to me..

Our conflicts drain me a lot lately.. I fight depression, have a little bit better period now, and God knows how I want to stay at least this way.. And he also knows it too..

I wanted to chill a bit, and walked out from the court, in direction of home.. Like 30 meters? A bit more? .. I knew he will close the unit, and will go, and I will just get inside when he will go past me over.. but he even didn't look at me and zoomed by me..

I'm not making excuses for her partner who sounds like an arsehole and doesn't care one bit but why put yourself in a vulnerable position?

As for the don't have children with him comment, that is just utterly thoughtless.

Please read the OP's posts. They have a small son. Her MIL was looking after him.

Doadeer, I am not that far out of London, but even here we have little public transport and you can go many miles without coming upon a service station. At all. Especially on a Sunday night, and some smaller rural ones aren't 24 hours, so they close. The one in our village does, and there isn't another for a further 7 miles in any direction.

Even though the OP walked out (and if someone did that on me I'd be pretty pissed off), I can't see how that would in any way justify leaving her stranded.

And leaving aside feeling vulnerable as a woman walking at night in a deserted area, the weather was brutal last night. You'd be prosecuted for animal cruelty if you left a dog outside in that weather, never mind a human.

Sounds like this relationship is over.

You were both initially at fault really but his reaction is the clincher for me. There is no way my husband would have let me walk that. If I’d done it after a row he’d have been devastated. As a contrast, we had a massive row in an industrial state when I was re-learning how to drive (long London gap as I was a bad learner and he was a terrible teacher). I stormed out of the car. He just pulled up to let me calm down and followed me around slowly until I got back in. He wouldn’t have left me and it was a safe, if long walk back home.

The fact that your husband didn’t appear to be that bothered you were poorly and walking along a dual carriageway speaks volumes.

Sunnyseal I think you have had a very harsh response here.

Knowing you were so ill, and upset, leaving you to walk 8 miles in this weather, in the dark, and when you had told him your phone was dying, was really horrible.

I think the two of you need to find a way to talk, really talk and listen, and then assess whether things can get better or not.

Maybe couples counselling? But you both need to want to try.

Maybe post in Relationships rather than AIBU.

Have you walked off before? Sometimes we make dramatic gestures in the certain knowledge that the other person will buckle and one day they don't.

The OPs husband was wrong to not stop and offer her the olive branch of lift. But the OP is entirely responsible for what she did.

She has stated she was calm. Accepting that, she calmly left and took her things. If she did so to get space, she could have walked to the car and waited for him to lock up. Knowing that he had other business to get on with and could not wait about. But she walked past the car, calmly. The question is why, given that it was her means of transport home. She was calm and she was making a decision. Was it not to cooperate with her husbands decision to leave immediately or to make her own way home. If the former it was an ultimatum and a challenge.

Her husband made a decision too. He decided not to wait. I don’t agree with it.

Unless the OP intended, in her calmness to make her own way home, she was stupid and confrontational. Her husband should have checked she was aware of what she was doing before leaving her.

But yes, they are done as a couple. Both need to learn lessons about how to treat other people.

That's just terrible, I could never forgive him for that. He has absolutely demonstrated that he doesn't care about you at all. I hope you leave him when you're ready, I'd rather be on my own than with someone who cared so little for me. It's actually really upsetting to read, your husband is supposed to love you and this is not what love looks like.

I am LOLing at the thought of ringing a strangers bell to get your phone charged. Half of MN are too suspicious to answer the door even in the daytime, never mind after dark and with a request to come in and charge a phone

give up his evening and business resources for her project,

Those of you who have piled on to the OP knee-jerk fashion because you suspect she might not be completely English should be ashamed of yourselves.

The OP is married to this man. They have a child together. And run a business together. Presumably the Masters she’s currently taking is intended to benefit the whole family.

This thread leaves a very nasty taste (despite the valiant attempts of those posters not using their free Britain First devices). If I were the OP I would ask MNHQ to take it down and try again on some less shameful area of MN.

I agree with Lemon. I would never leave a partner in those circumstances. He behaved very badly. I don't know where the two of you go from here.

But I'd never put myself in danger either. You do need to take some responsibility for your own safety and well being.

Get a doctors note for your work and rest until your are better.

It’s so hard to tell what happened here. OP states several times she was “upset” but also “very calm” and that all conflict came from her husband.

But the physical events of the matter include her walking off and him driving away. I get OP has depression and that’s awful, but it can also be emotionally draining to be the partner of someone with depression especially when they want you to fix things (the ruined project) or be a mind reader (guess that she wanted a lift home).

We don’t know the husband had any intention of leaving her to walk home. He may have thought she was having a strop and when she’d worked herself out of it, she’d call a cab.

It does seem callous for him to just go home and go to sleep. But OP’s insistence she was upset but perfectly calm seems so unlikely it feels there was more to this fight. She stormed (or walked calmly) away and he acted accordingly.

Those of you who have piled on to the OP knee-jerk fashion because you suspect she might not be completely English should be ashamed of yourselves.

I'm not English either. I still think she mostly made this situation. Not agreeing with someone doesn't mean that you're English or not.

If you have gone 8 miles from home in one car, and there is no one about and no public transport, and the weather is terrible, and you're a woman on your own at night, how could it possibly be mind reading to think that the other person would want a lift home? That's not mind reading, it's common sense and basic decency.

If my husband/friend/sister was walking 8 miles home on their own on a dark night in terrible weather I'd be worried sick in case they got knocked down by a car or something, not able to go home and get on with things as if nothing was wrong. Surely anyone who cares about someone would feel the same.

Some of these comments are unbelievable.

OP didn't storm off, she calmly walked away a SHORT distance to stop the argument.
OP didn't refuse to get in the car, he never stopped for her.
OP literally TOLD him her phone was dying. 3% is not enough to call a taxi on. He knew.
OP was ill!

I'm sorry OP, he behaved like an almightly wankbadger. This is in no way your fault, and it is in no way an acceptable way for anyone to behave. I'm glad you got home safe.

I wouldn't do that to anyone, let alone a person I am meant to love.

He wasn't worried about you walking home at night, 8 miles in shit weather and when you are ill. He went to bed. That says everything.

I worry about anyone who thinks this is OK, what kind of crap relationships they must be in.

OP didn't want the conflict, she walked outside to try and defuse the situation and he zoomed past without stopping for her. She did not storm off. Even if she did storm off that doesn't excuse his shitty behaviour.

People are so quick to post the same old tired MN mantras, like, 'do not have children with this man' that they can't even be arsed to read the OP's posts, which clearly states there is a child.

You deserve better OP.

Where does it say that?

Where the OP says she walked out from the courtyard in the direction of home. If someone got upset with me, told me I should put more effort into helping her when I was helping her, and walked out, that would look like walking out in a huff to me.

And he knew she couldn't call a cab because she had texted him that her phone was down to 3%

To the people saying you'd never do this has your partner ever flounced off? Mine did it several times, I'd be driving round after him with kids in the car until he agreed to get in (he's disabled so not easy to leave him to it.) Until one day he did it once too often and I just drove off and left him over 30 miles from home. I hoped he had money or a card on him, I was pretty sure he would have. Took him hours to get home but you know what, he has never done it again.

That might not apply to the OP but it can happen and sometimes the only way to end it is to let them get on with it. I wish I did it years before.

Just to add my husband would also have said he did it calmly, did it to get some space, no idea he was upsetting me and the kids. All perfectly reasonable except it wasn't.

Some people are ice cold in here 😂

Glad you're finding people's cruel comments so hilarious

I've had a boyfriend do that to me - pre-mobile phones with maps, when we were skint, and I didn't really know where we were (we'd just gone out for a drive) - luckily at least it was summer and warm, and in a safe area rather than an industrial estate in the middle of a storm.

It was just a symptom that the relationship was over. I couldn't forgive someone who would do that to anyone, let alone someone they were in a relationship with.

If someone had a habit of flouncing I probably would leave them to it but only if I knew they were safe. In this case he knew she had no way of getting a taxi, so even if she is a habitual flouncer, I think it was unfair. (Of course, a habitual flouncer might then make a habit of not taking a phone, precisely to exert more control, and I'd probably have to view that differently if it happened).

Agree @SurpriseSparDay the racist undertone is vile.