My husband left me walking 8 miles this night..

[Sunnyseal]

Our relationship was not amazing for the last couple of years (10 years relationship) My husband became emotionally colder, inattentive. But nothing major. I knew it's a very deep crisis we are in.. But..

We were in the unit we are renting for our little printing company. I asked him to do one thing for my university project that didn't turned out great (and I spoiled it further) and I was upset. We came there with my hope to fix it, but it didn't work out, which meant more time and materials to make second version of it. I was upset (I am also very sick now, with ear infection and sinusitis, doing quite demanding masters and drained by exams, he knows all of this). He wasn't getting it. Asked to drive me home, instead of going shopping, very calmly. He stepped back inside, crossing hands demanding explanations and obviously provoking a conflict as I told that wished he put more effort into thing that is important to me..

Our conflicts drain me a lot lately.. I fight depression, have a little bit better period now, and God knows how I want to stay at least this way.. And he also knows it too..

I wanted to chill a bit, and walked out from the court, in direction of home.. Like 30 meters? A bit more? .. I knew he will close the unit, and will go, and I will just get inside when he will go past me over.. but he even didn't look at me and zoomed by me..

OP, you have a decision to make here. You are with someone who clearly thinks that abandoning you like that is OK. It isn't at all.

You were left at serious risk having to walk eight miles home in dark and past forested and lonely areas. Your partner is made of stone. He doesn't care.

All those with the bitchy comments excusing him and telling you to suck it up would, I am willing to bet, be singing a very different tune if someone had done this to them.

They will probably try to tell you that they wouldn't mind and would just suck it up, but that is just utter bollocks.

You didn't deserve what he did. He is showing your that he doesn't care and has zero emotional intelligence at all.

Just an observation for people being rude about the OP's use of English, It is clear that English is not her her first language. Personally I am always rather impressed by people who make the effort to learn English, or any second language. It takes effort and isn't easy.

I don’t know if you’re being unreasonable. The details you give of what happened I could read in several ways from him behaving atrociously to you being atrociously, I suspect it’s a bit of both with neither of you really having any tolerance for the other’s mistakes or misunderstandings. But I don’t know.

Regardless of who could be considered most to blame on the night I’m concerned about the fact you say he’s not bothered now to find out you actually had to walk all the way home. 3 hours of walking when it’s not a planned hike is not something a spouse should be shrugging their shoulders over after the storm has passed. It really does sound like your relationship is at a nadir. You have a child so, unless there is also abuse, I would suggest individual counselling for both of you and then relationship counselling.

YY endofthelinefinally

There is no excuse for what he did. I would struggle to forgive that.

And as pps have said - ask for this thread to be moved to relationships, AIBU is not the place for it.

Sounds like he resenting hanging around at your work for ages getting shouted at. Like the project was important to you but he wasn't, like he was there to drive you and to wait and to be shouted at. I get it. He should have driven you home though. Is the relationship always hard work. You might be happier apart?

He was wrong to leave you in a potentially dangerous situation but you do sound dramatic. Why would you get lost going from your printing business ?you must have been there before. It is irrelevant that you walked away calmly, you still chose to walk away for a reaction just not the one you got.

Regardless of what had transpired in the run up to op walking out, it’s appalling behaviour to leave someone at night to walk for 8 miles on their own in the dark and even more heartless given op was unwell. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

If op’s dp had stopped and she’d refused the lift then absolutely ball in her court and only herself to blame but otherwise I’m not sure it could ever be justified as reasonable behaviour. And to care so little about the op to come home and fall asleep, just wow.

dottycat
Why would op get lost?
A) it sounds as if she doesn’t drive so wouldn’t necessarily know the exact route - some people are just not observant like this.
B) The route on foot and the route in the car can differ dramatically especially when there are large roads, such as dual carriageways, which are extremely dangerous places for people on foot. Especially in the dark.

YANBU at all. I think this is a big moment of realisation in your relationship. Is his mother still there? Is she nice to you? It sounds as if you need some rl support. As you are a student, you could also access counselling there, I imagine. I think you need to talk to someone to give you the strength to either leave or at the very least get better boundaries. He sounds like a hard of thinking misogynistic idiot, who doesn’t understand in any shape or form what it is to be a woman or that females are at risk from males.

He'd taken the trouble to drive you 8 miles to help you with the university project that you had messed up, and you told him he wasn't putting enough effort into helping you and went off in a huff. To be honest, I can see why he wasn't exactly sympathising with you, but obviously he shouldn't have left you to walk home. You need to talk about this but you do need to acknowledge your part in it.

Why are so many saying she stormed off? She didn't imply that at all. If me and DH are arguing or getting irritated then I often walk away to clear my head. Nothing wrong with removing yourself from a situation. There was no excuse for leaving you to walk home. Ignore the posters accusing you of being a drama queen or needy, they have clearly never asked their partner for help with something or been upset.

@Oulu went off in a huff

Where does it say that?

YANBU I hope you get some sleep

I can't believe there are posters on here trying to justify that he drove off and left you 8 miles away from home because you were annoyed with him about something

If anyone did that to me it would be game over. Unforgivable.

If anyone did that to me it would be game over. Unforgivable.

Me too. I just cannot imagine leaving anyone I care about to walk eight miles in the dark, down a dual carriageway. Or eight miles at all, now I think about it.

That's not acceptable at all.

OP says...

I wanted to chill a bit, and walked out from the court, in direction of home.. Like 30 meters? A bit more? .. I knew he will close the unit, and will go, and I will just get inside when he will go past me over.. but he even didn't look at me and zoomed by me..

She walked out to go home. Forgive us for thinking that meant she was intending to walk off and expect her dh to stop and pick her up.

I am under no doubt he has no love for her. But really what has he done? Refused to pander to a grown adult who has expected him to play chauffeur, give up his evening and business resources for her project, and when wanting to get groceries was told he didn’t care enough to stay and help her.

I doubt she had to walk 8 miles, very few industrial units in the UK are 8 miles from a pay phone/ from a 24hr shop/fast food petrol place. She chose to walk that far.

It’s clear to me he’s had enough of OP and she should take steps to sort her life out. I think their marriage is over.

Never go out without the wherewithal to get home again yourself! In this instance, a charged phone or your own set of keys to your unit would have made all the difference.
You also have to suffer the consequences of your actions, I’m afraid to say that if my husband walked away in a huff I’d be tempted to leave him to it too - the behaviour is immature. I realise you were frustrated with things not going according to plan with your university work, not feeling well enough to go shopping etc, but he had been on your side enough to drive you there and also try to help. You need to communicate better as a couple.

Wow you have some absolute arseholes responding to you on this thread (mixed in with more compassionate people less desperate to always side with the man and put the woman down). I'm sorry this happened and that so many middle of the night MN posters are so very unpleasant and falling over one another to put the boot in

It's absolutely crystal clear both what OP is saying and that English is not her first language. I'd lay bets that her English is a thousand times better than the second language of most of the posters deliberately misunderstanding her and being rude and unfeeling.

Doubtless the OP was stressed and perhaps irritable with her husband at the printing unit, but the man left his wife, mother of his child, who is sick with a sinus infection (not life threatening but bloody horrible) alone on an industrial estate eight miles from home without keys, wallet or phone, at night!

Anyone pretending to think this man's behaviour was fine and choosing to pick on the op for her actually very good, just slightly idiosyncratic, use of English is an absolute tool.

Fucket a pay phone? Apart from.the fact she didn't have a wallet to pay with, when did you last see a payphone? Is this thread some kind of 1980s time warp?

OP this behaviour is not acceptable and I am guessing it is just the tip of the iceberg. I know from reading some of these replies your be doubting yourself and feeling it was your fault.

It was not. It does not sound like your marriage is going well at all. Do you want be with a man who doesn't give a shit about you? My partner would be mortified if this had happened to me.

You were both wrong but he behaved far far worse. what if something happened to you. he knew your battery was almost dead and he went home and slept!!
I think your marriage is over, he couldn't care whether you were dead or not. You dont deserve that

Post in relationships rather than AIBU.

I agree with PP it is a better place for this sort of thing. Report your own post and ask for it to be moved.

Agree with the poster who said ask if this can be moved to Relationships. Irrespective of whether he was helping you enough with your course work (or even if he should have been doing it in the first place), he should not have driven past (if I read that right) leaving you to walk 8 miles home or to have been so impassive when you eventually got back. It sounds as if this is not just a one off. You might also want to think about contacting someone like www.jcwi.org.uk/ if your immigration status currently depends on being married to your husband. (Sorry if that is completely irrelevant but I just wondered if it was a factor.)

OP he doesn't care about you.
I've instigated a few arguments when I was younger, I've childishly stormed off but my dh would never leave me to walk home. Not even a mile.
He would call me out on my behaviour, quite rightly but he would never abandon me.