My husband left me walking 8 miles this night..

[Sunnyseal]

Our relationship was not amazing for the last couple of years (10 years relationship) My husband became emotionally colder, inattentive. But nothing major. I knew it's a very deep crisis we are in.. But..

We were in the unit we are renting for our little printing company. I asked him to do one thing for my university project that didn't turned out great (and I spoiled it further) and I was upset. We came there with my hope to fix it, but it didn't work out, which meant more time and materials to make second version of it. I was upset (I am also very sick now, with ear infection and sinusitis, doing quite demanding masters and drained by exams, he knows all of this). He wasn't getting it. Asked to drive me home, instead of going shopping, very calmly. He stepped back inside, crossing hands demanding explanations and obviously provoking a conflict as I told that wished he put more effort into thing that is important to me..

Our conflicts drain me a lot lately.. I fight depression, have a little bit better period now, and God knows how I want to stay at least this way.. And he also knows it too..

I wanted to chill a bit, and walked out from the court, in direction of home.. Like 30 meters? A bit more? .. I knew he will close the unit, and will go, and I will just get inside when he will go past me over.. but he even didn't look at me and zoomed by me..

Even when people walk away.. I think there is a big difference who is doing this to cool down, not to make things worse :
you know where they are (safe)
They are not asking for attention or make you worry.

We have different personalities with my mum, she is more emotional, and she could say I'll walk to park. Or I'm going to grandmas. Still she was angry but everyone knew where she was. I can't imagine my dad doing something like my husband did. I actually called them today.. And told everything.
And that's an entirely different thing to manipulations when people use it to make you worry, like I will die and that will be your fault.

But even in this case, I can't think about leaving someone there.

It was a terrible thing to drive off and leave you in that situation. If my DH did that I am not sure that I could forgive him. The disrespect and lack of care for your safety are shocking.

This is the end op. He's shown who he really is. You could have died out there 😞

Contact your local Women's Aid. They will support you through the process of leaving him. You really must. The control will get worse, even worse than what he did last night. He's already got you imprisoned - won't let you drive the car, wants you all to himself - and that will get worse.

Take no notice of the threat to take your son. They all say that. It's to frighten you into submission.

Thinking of you

She chose to walk out the door into a storm, she knew her phone needed charging!! That is irresponsible!

However, (if you read the rest of my post) She knows her relationship is awful, she knows what her husband is like. Hes not going to automatically start giving a shit just because she starts to walk home!! B
There is DAM all you can do to MAKE someone give a shit. Her husband is an asshole, but she KNOWS hes an asshole. She still took the decision to walk out!

She can do something about it. I hope this is her light bulb moment to bloody leave!!

I'm not supporting the husband. He's a tool. I will say it again, she chose to walk out!!

She chose to diffuse the situation by taking some space Oxford. She did not choose to walk out and be left 8 miles from home will ill in the middle of a storm.

"He's not responsible for you. You take responsibility for your actions not him”

@Oxfordnono12 are you really arguing that it’s acceptable for a man to treat his wife like that?! Is that how you allow yourself to be treated?!

JFC I don’t know whether half the posters on here are MRAs or so beaten themselves that they think this sort of behaviour is somehow ok?!

Likewise, presumably any woman who “talks back” to their husband can’t complain when he beats her up, because she made him do it.

I’m absolutely astonished that anyone is defending his appalling behaviour.

She chose to diffuse the situation by taking some space Oxford.

But he didn't know that, nor at the time when he left did he know about her phone. Yes, once he did know he should have gone back, but OP was responsible for the original problem.

I have to say that if I was helping someone with a project that was their responsibility and they kept shouting at me and telling me I wasn't putting effort in, I would be pretty angry. Also if they then walked off and refused to come food shopping as they were sulking. But I wouldn't have left them there knowing the potential risks of a walk home in not very nice conditions.

OP, honestly, I can totally understand why your husband was really annoyed at you. He was doing you a favour and you were a bit bratty. But that is not justification for him leaving you in such a risky position. This is worse still if he knew your phone was low and you had no money. The fact he could go home and sleep peacefully means your marriage is over - he has detached from you.

I had totally missed your last update. He knew you had no phone or money and resents you doing your masters. Could he have deliberately messed up your poster to punish you?

Your update does shed a very different light on all of this to be honest. But my answer is still the same, your marriage is over

Well I'm not sure someone being in the roaf 30 m from the door is much of a 'problem' oulu, compared with being stranded (on purpose by the strander, he's admitted it) 10 miles from home in the dark.

There is another side to this. This apparently awful man drove 16 miles at night time to help OP with the project that she'd messed up, and hung around whilst she tried again. Despite this, she told him off for not helping her enough, then went into a sulk about going home instead of doing the shopping - which her husband would presumably have had to drive back to do after dropping her off. When he queried that, she walked out - he had no means of knowing her intentions, or that she had no power left in her phone. Then she texted to say she had no power left but didn't ask him to collect her, so for all he knew she had already called a cab.

I completely agree that his behaviour subsequently once he presumably realised that she couldn't have got a cab, and when she arrived home, was dreadful. But it isn't all one-sided, is it?

She chose to diffuse the situation by taking some space

@Damntheman if she wanted to defuse the situation, she could have just gone outside for a few minutes and waited. But she didn't. She started walking home, and expected him to stop the car to pick her up.

I'm not justifying his actions then, of course. But I maintain that what she did was passive aggressive.

Sounds to me that both of you are in the wrong. You shouldn't have started the walk home expecting him to pick you up on the way, especially after criticising the work he was doing for you. If you needed some air, you could have waited by the car. He is also in the wrong for not stopping and letting you walk 8 miles alone and not making an effort to contact or look for you when he had calmed down.

sounds like aspergers
Does it? @Rachel1350 what qualifies you to make this wild assumption?
My son has Aspergers and is possibly the most polite considerate person I know, how fuckin insulting that a man behaving like an arrogant arse makes you think that 🤬🤬

OP, honestly, I can totally understand why your husband was really annoyed at you. He was doing you a favour and you were a bit bratty. But that is not justification for him leaving you in such a risky position. This is worse still if he knew your phone was low and you had no money
Put really well here.

OP is responsible for her attitude and actions.
Her DH is responsible for his actions, and they were shitty once he drove off.

He’s a dickhead. Even if he wanted to make a point, this is too harsh.

I absolutely hate it when men leave the woman they say they love behind like this, you say it’s a rough area, anything could have happened. But he took the risk because his ego is more important then your safety.

His behaviour Is disgrace and if my husband decided to treat me like that I wouldnt be there... especially not put up with it for "years"..I would not put up with his emotional abuse, I would have removed myself from the relationship.
I would not have walked out into a storm where I would potentially put myself at risk, I would have went home and picked my stuff and left.

Why would she think he was going to treat her with respect when hasn't done so in years? Just because I think she was wrong in walking home does not mean I condone his behaviour towards her. I do believe she has responsibility for her safety.

I could've bet money that he did it on purpose to punish you. What I'm surprised about is that he admitted it. He honestly doesn't give a shit anymore , except to make sure you know you're at his mercy and control. This marriage is over. Odds are he will escalate now that he can't even be bothered to try and pretend he's a nice guy.

@Oxfordnono12 walking out if a door isn't irresponsible - it is a defusing action during an argument.
its not like she was out of sight once out of the door, her horrible abusive H drove past her.

@oulu get your facts right,

you chose to ignore the fact the he admitted that he knew her phone was dead.

you also ignored the update that of course her abusive partner had to drive her, as he insists she isn't driving herself to save on insurance. so yes, if DH wants to be controlling and to be the only one who is allowed to drive, then that comes with the job of driving 🤷‍♀️

He abandoned you.

Get your ducks in a row OP, and make plans.

1. Stop looking to him for any connection. You are on your own now.
2. Finish your course
3. Get a better job
4. Start squirrelling things (money, high value items) away.
5. Paperwork.

That was a HUGELY aggressive thing to do. In a 'I hope something happens to you and you get hurt/die' thing to do.

When my ex started behaving like this (passive aggressive cruelty) I should have taken steps to protect myself. It is abuse. No wonder you feel betrayed. You were.

Do people not realise taxis cost money?

I think most people do realise that taxis cost money, yes.

OP has not said she couldn't afford a taxi. Or at least could afford one as a one off emergency. If she didn't have enough cash with her, then she could have gone home to get her card and then gone to a cashpoint, or given the driver a cheque when she got home or borrowed from her MIL. Or she could have asked the taxi to take her to a friend's house. Getting a taxi would have been preferable to walking home on her own in the dark in unfamiliar unsafe surroundings.