My husband left me walking 8 miles this night..

[Sunnyseal]

Our relationship was not amazing for the last couple of years (10 years relationship) My husband became emotionally colder, inattentive. But nothing major. I knew it's a very deep crisis we are in.. But..

We were in the unit we are renting for our little printing company. I asked him to do one thing for my university project that didn't turned out great (and I spoiled it further) and I was upset. We came there with my hope to fix it, but it didn't work out, which meant more time and materials to make second version of it. I was upset (I am also very sick now, with ear infection and sinusitis, doing quite demanding masters and drained by exams, he knows all of this). He wasn't getting it. Asked to drive me home, instead of going shopping, very calmly. He stepped back inside, crossing hands demanding explanations and obviously provoking a conflict as I told that wished he put more effort into thing that is important to me..

Our conflicts drain me a lot lately.. I fight depression, have a little bit better period now, and God knows how I want to stay at least this way.. And he also knows it too..

I wanted to chill a bit, and walked out from the court, in direction of home.. Like 30 meters? A bit more? .. I knew he will close the unit, and will go, and I will just get inside when he will go past me over.. but he even didn't look at me and zoomed by me..

We don’t know the husband had any intention of leaving her to walk home. He may have thought she was having a strop and when she’d worked herself out of it, she’d call a cab.

If that was the case why didn't he show any concern when she arrived home? If my husband thought I had got a cab home and it turns out I had walked 8 miles because I had no money and no phone battery he would show me kindness, not tell me it was my fault.

He knew her battery was running out and getting a cab might not be possible and he didn't even stop and check to see if she was planning on getting a cab.

I would never drive past my husband if he was having a hypothetical 'strop' without stopping to ask how he plans to get the 8 miles home.

I don't know if I could forgive him after that. He left you very vulnerable and in danger.

Maybe he didn't know. Maybe he decided she had done it once to often and actually his feelings matter as well so he didn't read the message. Of course the OP might never have done it before and this was unfair but I can tell you living with someone who always needs consideration because they are fighting depression can be very hard and their partners are only human. We all have a breaking point.

In my case it was clearly something he could control because since that incident he has controlled it so why didn't he control it before? Because he was sure he was safe and I wouldn't drive off.

I would never drive past my husband if he was having a hypothetical 'strop' without stopping to ask how he plans to get the 8 miles home. Never? What if he'd done it before? What if he'd done it 10 times, or 20 times or 30 times? Would it really be never?

Leaving your unwell and stressed lone female partner, regardless of any argument, to walk home 8 miles in the dark across an industrial estate and duel carriageways, in the sort of winds we've been having, is fucking abusive.

I don't care whether she stormed out or took a dump in the printing machine, it's completely out of order and I'm amazed people are defending it.

OP, I know it's incredibly difficult but that would be a dealbreaker for me. I hope you find a way through.

And he knew she couldn't call a cab because she had texted him that her phone was down to 3%

She only texted after he had left, at which point I would hope he wasn't looking at his phone. He may have assumed she'd phone for a cab anyway, or go back to the office and phone from there.

Sure, at some point he should have worked out that she hadn't been able to get a cab and gone back, but this isn't as black and white as people make out.

Walking off in the direction of home is a power play. The other person is forced into capitulation and grovelling to get the flouncer back in the car. All flouncers know this. It's not cool.

If the husband saw the message that she only had 3% battery then he was absolutely unreasonable to leave her to her fate, eight miles from home, no question of that.

The relationship is obviously crap on both sides.

Walking off is quite controlling and passive aggressive..
Our mum used to do this, usually on holiday, She would get out of the car and walk away, completely spoiling the day.
Mum admitted in later years it was done out of anger.

Perhaps the husband in this instance had tried to help, perhaps got criticised?... Honest Communication is the key, but not always easy in the heat of the moment.
Saying one is a ''teenaged female'' mentioning body weight is strange, The risk of walking along a dual carriageway at night in poor weather is lack of visibility and potentially being hit by a car.
Communication all the way.. Sounds like the husband was at the end of his rope too..If both partners are hungry, it can make arguments flare up too. Hunger really affects mood.

This is absolutely unforgivable. He left you alone to walk 8 miles at night in the middle of this awful weather in a rough area without one thought as to your safety. You were a sitting duck. He doesn't give a shit about you. Did he ever stop to think that anything could have happened to you? Start making plans to leave him, this is no marriage.

She only texted after he had left, at which point I would hope he wasn't looking at his phone. He may have assumed she'd phone for a cab anyway, or go back to the office and phone from there.

But he knew he had the keys to the office. And I know that all phones are different but with my phone at 3% you could send a text but it would shut down if I tried to make a call.

I actually agree with everyone saying that walking out in the first place is a power play, and of course its true that we only have this one post to go on, so have no idea if OP is a regular flouncer. And posters who have pointed that out have certainly made me see it in a less black and white way. But I do think that in these particular circumstances he was wrong, mainly due to the fact that it was so dark and stormy.

If the OP was posting this in the middle of July in a heatwave when it doesn't get dark until 11pm I'd probably be more on the fence.

@saraclara, So agree:

''Walking off in the direction of home is a power play. The other person is forced into capitulation and grovelling to get the flouncer back in the car. All flouncers know this. It's not cool''

Being the one who lived with a flouncing mother and also have a friend whose wife is a practiced flouncer, too, it is incredibly controlling.

I wonder if the OP has walked off before, and the husband just tried 'teaching her a lesson'?...At night and in poor weather along a dual carriageway, that is dangerous though.

I'd absolutely love to hear the other side of this story.

Saying one is a ''teenaged female'' mentioning body weight is strange,

Good lord! Is it really so hard to understand? The OP meant that she not only looks relatively small and defenceless - thus likely to attract the attention of the evil-minded - but would have no chance of fighting off the axe-wielding rapist lurking everywhere along her miserable, dark, 8 mile tramp home.

Good morning guys, thank you very much for replies.

Well, yes, my English is not my first language. I have C1, but obviously, I make mistakes. Especially when you are stressed, it's late-night, you think about context/content (in this case my not perfect grammar gets even more imperfect :)))) I have helped (and still helping) people who learn my native languages, and I must say, everyone makes mistakes. Don't be too harsh on people.

Thank you so many guys, especially for your support and kind words.

I could give a lot of extra details of the days before, or our life in general, but I guess it won't change people reaction anyway. They will find something so that everything will be my fault anyway. And relationship, in general, depends on both, the last evening was just too much.

As I mentioned before, I am not capable of doing this to anyone.

I get it now, it was better to post in relationship.. thank you for advice, I have reported my original post, maybe moderators will move it.

Meanwhile, yesterday he admitted he did this to punish me.

I have no words for this.

About "dedicating evening to help me" well, company took some unpaid jobs to do before. And it doesn't matter, when it's a company question, I'm not a personality, I am professional that is doing the task. It's not me anymore.

There are no excuses to do your part to a low standard and demand someone to be grateful. It's not a gig! There are standards. And this again, just shows his respect.

I am shocked because how quickly everything went downhill.

In terms of divorce, we had a very bad October. I was asking him, that it doesn't work the right way,and it feels we should go separate ways. He didn't want it, to the point of threats he will put all efforts into lawyers so his son "never calls dad anyone else"...

It hurts..

So many women do desperate to find any excuse for a man doing something abusive. Extraordinary

Wow, just... wow. His actions are not of a husband who is a pissed off - they show contempt. He left you there, went home and went to sleep, without a single worry.
Honestly, that’s very bad, i would start planning the end of this relationship.

JFC the comments on here.

Even if she was to blame for the argument, so fucking what? You don't leave an ill person with no cash or working phone to walk home 8 miles in the dark.

Have any of you vicious posters ever walked 8 miles? It's not a small stroll, add the darkness and dual carriageway and it's amazing that OP made it home at all.

If a bloke did this to you, you would all be shitting yourselves at the prospect of the walk.

OP, I'm sorry this happened to you. You have to know that this isn't the behaviour of someone who loves and values you. You deserve better. Please look at how you can get out of this.

I could give a lot of extra details of the days before, or our life in general, but I guess it won't change people reaction anyway. They will find something so that everything will be my fault anyway
I don't think people would decide everything is your fault anyway.
I think people have rightly commented on how your actions and attitude contributed to the situation in addition to thinking your husband was out of order.

Unfortunately, the "well I'm sure people would only make it my fault" attitude along with the events only adds to the impression of someone who flounces and wants to get others to come grovelling to me.

He didn't want it, to the point of threats he will put all efforts into lawyers so his son "never calls dad anyone else"...
And rightly so. If you divorce then your son has a mum and a dad. They just aren't together anymore. There is no reason for your child to ever be calling someone else dad.
Which begs the question what was said in the argument where your DH has had to say that he would be getting legal advice and be concerned about his son calling someone else dad (e.g possible suggestion of you taking your child to another country?)

OP, Divorce is exhausting and traumatic for all parties but maybe better to live alone with your son if your husband is extremely unkind.
Even if you do divorce your son will only ever have one dad.

I rarely comment on threads but @sunnyseal I am gobsmacked at some of these replies and that was before I saw your update.

There are no excuses for his behaviour - I don't know how you could stay with him after this. You need to leave him. I feel really sorry for you.

I’m also shocked by some of the posters on here.

Get a grip people! What’s wrong with you? How and why would you even attempt to make excuses for this man?

Some people must have rock-bottom expectations in life, that’s all I can say.

That's a dreadful thing for your husband to do, OP. I'd never, ever leave DW to walk 8 miles home alone on her own, it's an outrageous and nasty thing to do.

BTW - I'm assuming from the way you write in English, that you're Polish or from that part of Europe? Only asking as my Polish DW writes in exactly the same fashion, even after 24 years in England. I helped her to do her degree, years ago, by proofreading her essays and she used to get annoyed when she went over the word limit after I put in the missing 'a' and ' the' :-)

Anyway, back to the point: your husband is an irresponsible arse and you deserve better.

Get a grip people! What’s wrong with you?

I can see the part the OP played. Pity that you can't. Yes he was in the wrong also but she was playing games.

"Yes he was in the wrong also but she was playing games."

And so what? Leaving her to walk 8 miles home alone in the dark is not on. He's an arsehole.

I’m shocked anyone has voted that you were unreasonable - wow.

Your husband left you alone at night in a rough area with a 8 mile walk home when you weren’t feeling well. He took the only transport with him and the keys to the building you were working in and left you with a dying phone battery. That is not normal behaviour, I wouldn’t do that to anyone let alone a spouse no matter how bad the argument!

Your marriage is over, I think you probably know that. I wonder if he actually wants you to leave him, such behaviour suggests it.

Start finding a way to be independent and leave him ASAP as this cannot turn into a loving marriage and you and your child deserve more. Talk to Women’s Aid about next steps.

I suspect that your health troubles and depression will improve a great deal once you are away from your horrible ‘husband.’