DP typically leaves house at 7am and returns at 8pm.

[Jaycee74]

I currently don’t work - all household management is left to me during the week. I get some help at weekend - but I have to ask. He generally cooks at the weekend. Do I have a right to feel pissed off?

Looking after 2 small children by yourself for long periods of time can be relentless even before you throw in housework, gardening, life admin etc.
I was in a similar situation and although I appreciated how hard DH worked I don't think he ever really appreciated how hard I worked !
Does he do long days by choice, i.e going above and beyond for no extra pay ( which is often expected in senior roles) or are they his scheduled hours plus travel? If he's doing extra unpaid hours at work I think he needs to prioritise coming home on time/early a couple of nights a week to spend family time together. Once home and at weekends you should muck in together to get jobs done.

Probably because he treats it as not his problem = must be yours.

He is going above and beyond for no extra pay - no gym/pub etc. In fact I would LOVE and actively encourage him to have a night out with friends.

I take it he doesnt actually need to work those hours or indeed is working hard all those hours.

I think the fact that all of it is on you (even the bins) and you work part time and he just does that is not a fair division of labour at all.

I think its about actual free time - what free time does he get compared with you in hours

Same DH hours, same number of DC here. I do everything in terms of housework and management, although DH does fill the dishwasher after dinner.

I'm here more so I do more. We have always agreed that his working longer hours secures the salary we need for me to contribute little financially (yes, I appreciate this very much goes against the Mumsnet grain).

We have recently moved and our new house needs building work. He had initial enthusiasm to do this - but we have hit a few snags - he now shows no interest/motivation at all - so this is left to me.

Can you tell him to be home at 6pm a few nights a week because you are going to a yoga class/gym/running? Then head out for a few hours to yourself. You need to reclaim some time.

Are you still doing 'jobs' when he gets back? When my Dp has worked longer hours, I'd generally only expect him to make sure he doesn't add to my work load, so tidy up after himself, put his clothes away etc. At the moment he leaves 6/6:30 and is home 5:30. He's does Dc bath/bed time and washes up, I cook. I'm on mat leave and usually cleaning etc has been done, but if there's stuff to be done he chips in. We work on us both having a equal (ish) amount of downtime. I wouldn't we impressed if I'd had a busy day with the kids and the house was a mess and he ate his dinner and then sat down to watch tv. But likewise I wouldn't sit watching tv while he rushed around doing his 'share of jobs' after being at work all day.
He always empties the kitchen bin and puts the bins out though.

Weekends are a equal split, if anything he does a bit more with the kids as he misses out through the week and I get a bit more downtime. Our dc are 16mths and 3mths though, so it's full on.

Yes haunted - I’m just wondering if I need to just accept this in my head. That this is MY job. I just feel so unsupported.

Just seen your last post - every week DH asked me whether it was landfill.or recycling , Winds me up , why do I have to remember these things?!? Now I write on calendar what type of collection it is so he doesn't have to ask anymore mind you it's still a job for me to put it on calendar!
When you go back to work the housework , life admin etc will not be all your responsibility and tbh it shouldn't be now- your maternity leave is to look after DC not to be a housekeeper, if you can afford it get a cleaner.

Thanks Girlonit. I cook - leave his meal out, put DS to bed at 7.30. Get DD ready for bed. He gets back at 8.30 eats and puts DD to bed. I’m in bed at 8.30 as I’m generally up 4/5 times in night with DS.

I think unless you have only school age children and it's been decided that you'll do all the housework, admin etc, it's not fair for it all to be on one parent. I'm on mat leave and my priority is my babies, not the washing and ironing. Yes I'm home so I'll do what I can, but it depends on the kids. And when I have difficult days, my partner not supporting me would definitely chip away at my feelings for him.

I get up at 5/6am - first job is putting his dirty plates in dishwasher and tidying kitchen. He often sleeps on sofa so he doesn’t get disturbed by DS.

I am not saying this is the case, but I used to manage someone who asked to work longer hours than contracted so that he could arrive home when his children were in bed (his actual words), for no extra pay. I said no as the office had to be locked up, but I'm so astounded anyone thinks like that (or at least I was until I had my own DC). He will need to magically find the energy to help out in his home and with his children when you return to work, what a hero.

YABU.Did he not work before you had a baby ? Many women have Husbands who work all the hours god sends or have Husbands that are in the military and can be away for up to 9 months at a time. You do not have it that hard. Be glad you dont have to work as well

He needs to pull more domestic weight.

If you didn't do housework & childcare, how would meals get cooked, shopping done, bins out, babies kept safe, toilets scrubbed, etc.? Get him to agree to work into his routines a load of regular chores is my suggestion, so he doesn't have to think what to do, he just has regular reminders set on his phone or daily same tasks that need doing at same time.

What are you pissed off about op? That he is out providing for his family?

I was also annoyed last week as I had terrible back pain. DP stayed overnight for work meeting, but when he returned there was no mention of how I’d been with my back. I’d had a really difficult couple of days. He did show concern when I reminded him.

If he can't even be bothered to wash his plate up, I wouldn't leave him his dinner. Maybe I'm petty. But if he was in his own he'd be making his own dinner and cleaning up after himself, regardless of how many hours he works.

How old are your Dc? Are you breastfeeding?

@Jaycee74 I've always viewed our household as a business. DH and I both have our strengths and weaknesses, for starters he's happy to be out of the house 13+ hours a day and makes sure he spends quality time with the children at the weekend.

When my maternity leave ended I couldn't face the prospect of returning to work full time, I wanted to be with the children as much as possible, I wanted to do the school runs, be on hand for medical appointments and school events so we made the decision that I would step back from my career and focus on the home. For DH this was ideal as it meant that he could concentrate on a demanding job without us having to juggle who would take time off to cover holidays, sick children, etc...

I know this doesn't work for everyone, but it works for our family. Don't get me wrong, in the early days there were certainly periods of resentment, I was jealous that if after work drinks cropped up, he could just go and I'd be 'stuck at home' but 8 years on that's passed.

I leave the house at 7:30am and get home around 7pm. When I get home I am exhausted and can just about make dinner (something pretty simple. I have no energy to do housework during the week.

I send all my washing and Ironing out. My house is a mess and I am in the process of hiring a cleaner.

This doesn't sound good. ...staying late & sleeping on the sofa?? You need to talk.

he is going above and beyond for no extra pay as per pp depends what he does, if he's a doctor or nurse and on a&e rotation and it's heading to code Black like we are currently going, and you have the bloody government on your back for the people presenting at hospital then you do stay on and go above and beyond for your colleagues...and you don't get paid extra. (And breathe... I have issues here... ) If he's pisstaking to avoid home stuff, then he needs to pull his finger out!

I’m not sure what you have to be cross about.

Him working provides for your every need. Without that, you’d have to work and run a home like millions do. Him opting out of the housework is only the same as you opting out of the financial responsibilities.

Well this is it!!! I don’t know!!! I’m lucky, I have two beautiful children. Why do I feel so annoyed with him?