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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP says I'm 'moody' all the time

172 replies

CheshireCat20 · 05/02/2020 16:02

I've been with DP 4 years. 2 kids each, we don't live together. I work full time, and all kids have extra curricular activities. DP has a habit of going silent / ignoring me when we have an argument. It doesn't even have to be a serious one, sometimes I won't hear from him for a few days. This doesn't happen a lot though.

I very much feel like I have to 'fit in' with DP's and his kids schedule even though me and my kids have our own. I end up not seeing him that much really - a few hours twice a week before we fall asleep, maybe a little bit more every other weekend. Every now and again we have a bit more time together.

DP says I'm moody 'all the time', and it's draining the life out of him. I'm not moody - I'm tired. I don't snap etc. By the time he comes over at 8/9pm in the evening I'm pretty much done in by work, kids activities, bed time routine etc.

DP 'picks' at me quite a lot - 'Oh we're watching THAT on TV tonight are we?', 'I really feel like a hot drink now, I wonder who can make it for me', 'Why are you falling asleep already?' 'Can I have snack?' (then he helps himself to half the contents of the kitchen). And yes I do get defensive.

He came over last night, 9pm, I was nearly asleep, he's had a go at me saying I am moody ALL the time and I need to sort it out, then rolled over and gone to sleep. I've not heard a word from him today. What makes it worse is that an elderly family member (not my mum/dad) is having an operation today that we've been warned they may not wake up from. He knows I'm really worried and it's been radio silence all day. I did text him earlier to ask how he was, he's just replied saying not good because he's fed up of my moods. Nothing about the operation etc.

Am I being unreasonable here to think that considering we didn't even have a big argument last night it's pretty awful he's not asked about my family member? I don't actually see anything that I've done wrong. I put up with feeling like I'm bottom of his list all the time and I guess this really proves my theory Sad

OP posts:
TorkTorkBam · 05/02/2020 16:05

What is the point of being in a relationship with him? Really doesn't sound like it is life enhancing.

PickAChew · 05/02/2020 16:08

You need to tell him to piss off for good. It doesn't sound like you get anything worthwhile out if thus relationship.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/02/2020 16:10

What is the point of him?
Really really think about that?
Because I can't see anything he brings to your life other than grief and put downs.
I do believe your life would be far better and far calmer with him out of the picture!

'Oh we're watching THAT on TV tonight are we?' - well I am in MY house yes. You can fuck off back to yours if you want to watch something different. I'm not stopping you!
'I really feel like a hot drink now, I wonder who can make it for me' - no-one is going to make it for you. You are fully grown adult quite capable of making yourself a drink. You don't pay a slave to be at your beck and call so go and get on with it.
'Why are you falling asleep already?' - because it's late. I've had a busy day and I'm TIRED!!!

'Can I have snack?' - did you bring any with you? If not.. then NO, you can't have a snack!

But honestly... I just don't get it at all!!!
Just why are you with him???

AutumnCrow · 05/02/2020 16:12

He sounds like he's draining you, and projecting.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/02/2020 16:14

And you are with this abusive user of a person because...

Do you really believe that you do not deserve better from a relationship?

ravenmum · 05/02/2020 16:15

Sounds like you'd be a good bit happier on your own? I see my bf one weeknight and stay over at the weekend - also fairly rushed. After 3 years I still look forward to seeing him.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 05/02/2020 16:20

Well, he isn't really adding anything to your every day life, is he?

Take your key back. Tell him to grow up, elsewhere!

Hope your relative is OK! Flowers

hellsbellsmelons · 05/02/2020 16:22

And google 'Stonewalling abuse'
He's just not a nice person OP.
Please want better for yourself!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/02/2020 16:22

I really don't understand the point of this relationship.

He sounds like a grumpy arse. You're knackered and trying to rush around to fit around him.

Seriously? Just end it.

PrinkingPreening · 05/02/2020 16:25

He is a moody, passive aggressive arsehole.

Can't help wondering why you are with him? He is a drain on your life. I'm pretty sure you'd be more cheerful if you didn't have this flouncing manchild to deal with.

leadbetter5 · 05/02/2020 16:27

You both sound like you are in terrible moods, all the time. Is there any joy in your relationship/home life? Something needs to change for all of you.

Opentooffers · 05/02/2020 16:28

He comes to yours, tells you what to watch, eats your food and prefers waitress service for it, even though your tired, you're not allowed to be so because you have to be his entertainment -wrong!
Coming to yours, making a joint decision what to watch/do, seeing you're tired, offering to make you a drink or some food, helping with any chores, early night? Massage? - that's what a right way to behave is. Sometimes it becomes very apparent why people are single, they have not developed the ability to support others as they are too focused on their needs at the expense of others. You've met one of these, so it's not you, it's him, and no amount of explaining is likely to change him, it's who he is.

BadRuby · 05/02/2020 16:33

He's not really a partner is he? He a demanding overgrown toddler with the emotional capacity of a teaspoon.

Is he exceptionally good in the sack? Or are you still with him because you're too tired to break up with him?

Frenchw1fe · 05/02/2020 16:33

Seems to me he wants you for free food and free sex.
I suggest you put anything he owns in a bag and hand it to him on the step with a big smile on your face so he can see that your 'mood' has lifted with his imminent departure.

SandyY2K · 05/02/2020 16:34

The relationship seems joyless and pointless.

Is it just to say you have a BF/DP that you stay with him?

It's a waste of energy being in this kind of relationship.

LouReidDododo · 05/02/2020 16:34

You don’t need this in your life right now.

TreatMyself · 05/02/2020 16:38

It all seems too much like hard work to me.

theoriginalmadambee · 05/02/2020 16:38

So he comes round twice a week for a shag, and you don't wait on him hand and foot? What a find Wink.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/02/2020 16:40

Obviously get rid of this fucker

Chocolatedaim · 05/02/2020 16:42

That doesn’t sound fun. The person you are with is meant to enhance your life, not suck the joy from it.
I would be calling it a day

ZenNudist · 05/02/2020 16:49

Does he have any redeeming features (DHHARF?)

Boot.

CheshireCat20 · 05/02/2020 16:50

We do have fun together, but during the week, the mundane stuff work, kids etc I'm constantly told that I'm miserable, moody, having a strop... Sometimes I genuinely can't work out what has caused him to say it. For him to do this today when I'm waiting for a call about my Grandad... I'm really disappointed

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMoonCup · 05/02/2020 16:52

Guess he'd best look after his own kids at the weekend, then, hadn't he?

He sounds repulsive and I bet his ex is actually rather pleased she doesn't have to perform for him anymore.

tenlittlecygnets · 05/02/2020 16:54

He sounds bloody awful.

'Fuck off and make your own drink, you passive-aggressive knobber.'

Thank God you're not married and don't have dc together.

I'd bin the sulky twat.

PrinkingPreening · 05/02/2020 16:56

So during the week he can see that you look exhausted and/or unhappy, and rather than trying to support you he criticises you and demands service with a smile?

Niiiice.

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