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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP says I'm 'moody' all the time

172 replies

CheshireCat20 · 05/02/2020 16:02

I've been with DP 4 years. 2 kids each, we don't live together. I work full time, and all kids have extra curricular activities. DP has a habit of going silent / ignoring me when we have an argument. It doesn't even have to be a serious one, sometimes I won't hear from him for a few days. This doesn't happen a lot though.

I very much feel like I have to 'fit in' with DP's and his kids schedule even though me and my kids have our own. I end up not seeing him that much really - a few hours twice a week before we fall asleep, maybe a little bit more every other weekend. Every now and again we have a bit more time together.

DP says I'm moody 'all the time', and it's draining the life out of him. I'm not moody - I'm tired. I don't snap etc. By the time he comes over at 8/9pm in the evening I'm pretty much done in by work, kids activities, bed time routine etc.

DP 'picks' at me quite a lot - 'Oh we're watching THAT on TV tonight are we?', 'I really feel like a hot drink now, I wonder who can make it for me', 'Why are you falling asleep already?' 'Can I have snack?' (then he helps himself to half the contents of the kitchen). And yes I do get defensive.

He came over last night, 9pm, I was nearly asleep, he's had a go at me saying I am moody ALL the time and I need to sort it out, then rolled over and gone to sleep. I've not heard a word from him today. What makes it worse is that an elderly family member (not my mum/dad) is having an operation today that we've been warned they may not wake up from. He knows I'm really worried and it's been radio silence all day. I did text him earlier to ask how he was, he's just replied saying not good because he's fed up of my moods. Nothing about the operation etc.

Am I being unreasonable here to think that considering we didn't even have a big argument last night it's pretty awful he's not asked about my family member? I don't actually see anything that I've done wrong. I put up with feeling like I'm bottom of his list all the time and I guess this really proves my theory Sad

OP posts:
ByeMF · 06/02/2020 19:43

I am so sorry about your granddad. Please do yourself a kindness and dump the bf by text. No need to have to see him again. He sounds massively selfish and isn't even treating you like a friend.

Butterymuffin · 06/02/2020 19:44

Once he finds out about your grandad passing on, he'll put all this down to that. Won't imagine it was him being such a dick about it. That's why I'd say nothing at all.

DianaT1969 · 06/02/2020 19:44

I too think that this was your grandfather's last gift to you. His passing woke you up to the fact that your 'DP' is nothing of the sort. A random person in the street would have more compassion than this selfish, attention-demanding arsewipe.
💐💐 I'm so sorry for your loss.

RandomMess · 06/02/2020 19:47

Sorry about your grandad Thanks

I would say it's on and get him to take the kids away without you X

StrawberryJam200 · 06/02/2020 19:48

Your grandad!? And he’s not even acknowledged today is the op? That tells you everything you need to know.

TheReef · 06/02/2020 20:01

Tell him to go away on his own and you spend time with your family and doing something you want to do

ScarJo · 06/02/2020 20:03

Op I am so so sorry about your grandad. I'm sure he would want you to be with someone who adores you!

Please let this be the end of this he doesn't deserve youSad

WhitePhantom · 06/02/2020 21:23

So sorry your grandad didn't make it Sad Flowers

Please look after yourself (starting by offloading the one person who should be by your side right now, but isn't)

aroundtheworldyet · 06/02/2020 22:10

Very sorry for your loss. I’m sad that you got more support on an Internet forum
You deserve more

outherealone · 07/02/2020 00:16

Sounds a bit cunty tbf. You sound like you’d be less drained if you didn’t have this leech hanging off you.
Really sorry to hear about your relative x

outherealone · 07/02/2020 00:18

Oh sorry I just read your update. Really sorry about your grandad. I lost both my grandads recently and they were both top guys. Probably had more respect for them than any other men in my life (including my dad).
I wish when I was younger I’d used them as templates for my man choices rather than using my mad parents as the actual relationship models.
sending hugs, strength and solidarity.

cordeliavorkosigan · 07/02/2020 00:27

really sorry to hear about your granddad. but maybe it's an eye opener and opportunity for you to make a new start.
i'm sure your granddad would want you to be treated well... think of him when you take a friend on this weekend away, instead of your tosser of a partner ... or when you tell him you're not coming and he can take a friend (if he paid).

CoupeCourte · 07/02/2020 00:38

I'm really sorry about your grandad Thanks

When my grandmother died, I was distraught. And my partner at the time was an absolute arsehole. Like yours, it wasn't the first time he'd deliberately treated me badly but I had glossed over it repeatedly. There was something about him twisting the knife at the time where he knew I was vulnerable that just enraged me to the point that I could finally do what I needed to have done months earlier, and dumped him.

It genuinely is abusive, the way he's behaving. Pecking away at you until you're so ground down that you do whatever he wants.

I hope you can find the strength I did and drop this arsehole. It still took me a week or two to get my head in order while I was grieving: take the time you need, but since you don't live with him and don't spend a lot of time with him, I'd urge you to do it as soon as possible.

Weenurse · 07/02/2020 07:31

I am sorry about your Grandad💐
When you are ready, ditch the BF

mamansnet · 07/02/2020 07:53

So sorry about your granddad. Your "d"p should have known ahead of the op that if your granddad didn't make it, there's no way you'd be going away for the weekend. You've had a major bereavement and you need to be with your family.

Your dp is an uncaring and selfish arse who clearly thinks you are there to serve/benefit him. It's a one way street for him. Get rid and find someone who appreciates and deserves you.

Snog · 07/02/2020 08:03

Shocking text
This partner is bringing you down not boosting you up - ditch him OP, you don't need this in your life.

hellsbellsmelons · 07/02/2020 10:04

I'd text back 'What? My granddad died and you want me to go away with you? Not a fucking chance. Leave me alone!'

mummmy2017 · 07/02/2020 10:26

Text him, Can't go.
And see if it clicks.
But he doesn't even care about your feelings.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/02/2020 10:30

Did you text him? I wouldn't even bother.

PrinkingPreening · 07/02/2020 10:55

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandad.

Take care and be gentle on yourself, OP. 💐

Rutheroot · 07/02/2020 11:22

Wow, he is horrible and doesn't seem to even like you. Get rid of him asap and feel the relief wash over you. No wonder you're so tired.

Dozer · 07/02/2020 11:44

Who has paid for the weekend?

If you’ve paid, text back that he is no longer invited. If him, or it’s not yet paid for, text that you will no longer be going.

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