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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP says I'm 'moody' all the time

172 replies

CheshireCat20 · 05/02/2020 16:02

I've been with DP 4 years. 2 kids each, we don't live together. I work full time, and all kids have extra curricular activities. DP has a habit of going silent / ignoring me when we have an argument. It doesn't even have to be a serious one, sometimes I won't hear from him for a few days. This doesn't happen a lot though.

I very much feel like I have to 'fit in' with DP's and his kids schedule even though me and my kids have our own. I end up not seeing him that much really - a few hours twice a week before we fall asleep, maybe a little bit more every other weekend. Every now and again we have a bit more time together.

DP says I'm moody 'all the time', and it's draining the life out of him. I'm not moody - I'm tired. I don't snap etc. By the time he comes over at 8/9pm in the evening I'm pretty much done in by work, kids activities, bed time routine etc.

DP 'picks' at me quite a lot - 'Oh we're watching THAT on TV tonight are we?', 'I really feel like a hot drink now, I wonder who can make it for me', 'Why are you falling asleep already?' 'Can I have snack?' (then he helps himself to half the contents of the kitchen). And yes I do get defensive.

He came over last night, 9pm, I was nearly asleep, he's had a go at me saying I am moody ALL the time and I need to sort it out, then rolled over and gone to sleep. I've not heard a word from him today. What makes it worse is that an elderly family member (not my mum/dad) is having an operation today that we've been warned they may not wake up from. He knows I'm really worried and it's been radio silence all day. I did text him earlier to ask how he was, he's just replied saying not good because he's fed up of my moods. Nothing about the operation etc.

Am I being unreasonable here to think that considering we didn't even have a big argument last night it's pretty awful he's not asked about my family member? I don't actually see anything that I've done wrong. I put up with feeling like I'm bottom of his list all the time and I guess this really proves my theory Sad

OP posts:
2020nymph · 06/02/2020 16:33

So sorry to hear about your grandad Thanks

You deserve so much better than this Pratt!

hellsbellsmelons · 06/02/2020 16:39

Ohhh OP - I'm so so sorry to hear that!!!!
Please stay with your family for some support for now.
That's sad sad news!

BumblePan · 06/02/2020 16:53

I haven't read through the thread, but ask yourself what does he bring to your life? Maybe you've answered already but it looks like a lot of put downs!

SleepingIsOverrated · 06/02/2020 17:01

I'm so sorry about your Grandad OP.

You says you're not sure you can come back from this but I've just read the thread and honestly, from the outside, it might be better if you don't.

Find somebody who puts your needs higher up his list Thanks

justthecat · 06/02/2020 17:06

You’re getting more support from strangers than your partner.
Dump him!
Sorry about your grandad 💐

ScreamingLadySutch · 06/02/2020 17:07

His behaviour does not determine your worth.

You don't have work to prove you are worth it OP. (Its in his interests to withhold that kindness - running around makes him the centre of the universe!)

Its fine to be single. That makes you available for someone who is not a selfish, using, passive aggressive nasty knobber.

ScreamingLadySutch · 06/02/2020 17:13

He didn't ask about you grandad because he doesn't care. Your concerns aren't about him. If it is not about him, he's not interested.

So sorry you lost your grandad xxx

Snog · 06/02/2020 18:25

Sorry for your loss OP, take care of yourself FlowersFlowersFlowers

CheshireCat20 · 06/02/2020 18:49

Well I've just had a text from him asking if we're still going away this weekend. Not a peep about my grandad Confused

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 06/02/2020 18:52

He's disgusting. Tell him he can go away and stay gone the selfish prick.

MCBerberLoop · 06/02/2020 18:56

Well you have absolute carte blanche to say no thanks, a relative just died thanks for not asking. BTW I will have your things in a bag ready for you to pick up.

So sorry OP about your grandad. Flowers

Dogladyxo · 06/02/2020 18:56

Wow how horrible Sad

mbosnz · 06/02/2020 18:58

I hope you're not going away with him this weekend. I cannot see how on Earth that would go well, and not end with you in even greater pain and distress than you already are.

I'd be tempted to reply, 'of course not', no more, no less.

user1465335180 · 06/02/2020 18:59

Sorry Cheshire, losing your Grandad must be hard but I think he may be leaving you one last gift, the perfect opportunity to see that this selfish arse you call a DP really doesn't care for you, he only cares for himself.
He gives you nothing and expects your time, attention, food, sex, whatever you'll let him get away with, he's all take,take,take. Your Grandad's ill, he doesn't care, you're Grandads passed, he doesn't even ask. I'm so sorry for your loss and I don't even know you

Topseyt · 06/02/2020 19:00

I am so sorry your Grandad didn't pull through.

As for "D"P, I definitely wouldn't want to go away with him this weekend. He didn't care enough about your Grandad to even ask you, so that tells you how much he really cares about you. Text back telling him definitely not, then go and see your family instead.

MotherofTerriers · 06/02/2020 19:02

A very short answer I think, just no
You deserve better than this, much better

FilledSoda · 06/02/2020 19:04

Just look after yourself and your family .
I'm so sorry about your grandad.

Trews2019 · 06/02/2020 19:05

At what point are you going to do something about this situation? Listen to what people are telling you.

Iooselipssinkships · 06/02/2020 19:06

See how selfish he is? More concerned with things that only involve him.
Whether you go is up to you OP but I doubt he will ever change and is showing who he is by not supporting you when you've just lost your Grandad.
He'll be calling you moody again because you're grieving over something that again doesn't involve him or make him the centre of attention.
Wishing you the best and condolences.

mbosnz · 06/02/2020 19:09

And I'm so sorry for your loss.

joffreyscoffees · 06/02/2020 19:14

Seriously, you have no ties to this man - no shares finances, no house, no children together. Parting ways should be relatively easy. Get rid.

Thanks Very sorry to read about your grandad, we're going through a very similar time with DH's nanna. For him to not ask is despicable.

MotherofTerriers · 06/02/2020 19:15

I'm sorry for your loss too, should have said that
Take good care of yourself and spend time with people who love you

justthecat · 06/02/2020 19:27

He’s with you for his own gain,he has no interest in your feelings, you know you can do better?

Butterymuffin · 06/02/2020 19:31

One word reply: 'NO'. Don't waste any more of your energy on him right now.

Whose name is the booking in? If it's yours, I know it's a bad time but I would ring them, explain about your bereavement and ask if you can either cancel or rebook for another date later on.

TwentyViginti · 06/02/2020 19:33

Awww sorry about your grandad Flowers

At what point are you going to do something about this situation? Listen to what people are telling you.

OR keep your kitchen stocked at all times with snacks for your DP, and serve them with a smile. When he wants a drink - jump to it!
Suppress all emotion except joy that he has condescended to spend a little of his valuable time with you. If he sulks and gives you the silent treatment - go the extra mile to placate him.

Go away with him for the weekend, but do not show your sadness at your grandad's passing. Remember to keep your focus on making sure DP is comfortable and happy. That's your role in this relationship and don't you forget it!

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