DP says I'm 'moody' all the time

[CheshireCat20]

I've been with DP 4 years. 2 kids each, we don't live together. I work full time, and all kids have extra curricular activities. DP has a habit of going silent / ignoring me when we have an argument. It doesn't even have to be a serious one, sometimes I won't hear from him for a few days. This doesn't happen a lot though.

I very much feel like I have to 'fit in' with DP's and his kids schedule even though me and my kids have our own. I end up not seeing him that much really - a few hours twice a week before we fall asleep, maybe a little bit more every other weekend. Every now and again we have a bit more time together.

DP says I'm moody 'all the time', and it's draining the life out of him. I'm not moody - I'm tired. I don't snap etc. By the time he comes over at 8/9pm in the evening I'm pretty much done in by work, kids activities, bed time routine etc.

DP 'picks' at me quite a lot - 'Oh we're watching THAT on TV tonight are we?', 'I really feel like a hot drink now, I wonder who can make it for me', 'Why are you falling asleep already?' 'Can I have snack?' (then he helps himself to half the contents of the kitchen). And yes I do get defensive.

He came over last night, 9pm, I was nearly asleep, he's had a go at me saying I am moody ALL the time and I need to sort it out, then rolled over and gone to sleep. I've not heard a word from him today. What makes it worse is that an elderly family member (not my mum/dad) is having an operation today that we've been warned they may not wake up from. He knows I'm really worried and it's been radio silence all day. I did text him earlier to ask how he was, he's just replied saying not good because he's fed up of my moods. Nothing about the operation etc.

Am I being unreasonable here to think that considering we didn't even have a big argument last night it's pretty awful he's not asked about my family member? I don't actually see anything that I've done wrong. I put up with feeling like I'm bottom of his list all the time and I guess this really proves my theory

He's doing you a favour by going silent. Just message once and tell him that you don't want him to contact you ever again because the relationship is not working. Then block him and have a much better life.

He thinks you are his servant. His maid. You aren't.

Not asking when you need support is fucking awful.
Even if I was very fucked off with someone I would still check in and put it aside for at least one day.

Honestly OP. I can’t see any positives other than sometimes he makes you laugh.

There is literally no feeling as bad as wanting someone to support you and them not doing it. It makes you feel even more low

I’d cut my losses before he moves in and you’re suddenly a full time mum of five.

He sounds like a fun vampire.

I hope your grandad is okay.

He expected to turn up and get lots of attention - all “look at me, here I am”

Absolutely this! This is not a reciprocal relationship. Once you understand his mindset then you will know why he acts like this.

Your job is to provide entertainment and fun. You are not allowed to be a real person with emotions and needs. He will provide support when it suits him which is why something his behaviour might be ok.Keeping you off guard is deliberate as it acts as intermittent reinforcement which has been shown to keep a person hooked.
Thjnk about it - How much time have you spent focusing on him today? By being silent he has you worried and thinking about how you might have upset him.

Please read "the emotionally abusive relationship" Patricia Evans as it will explain some of the tactics.

I suspect he did the exact same to his Ex.

I usually text him to try and sort things out when he does this, but I haven't today which will have probably surprised him.

Thanks for asking - my grandad is out of the op but it's not looking good so have been to the hospital this evening.

I think you need to take control of the relationship and suggest a break. Might wake him up to the fact you are not to be taken for granted and you will at least get a decent rest and a think, maybe even the realisation that you don’t need him back at all. He’s not adding to your life therefore he’s taking away from it.

Here's hoping your Grandad pulls through.

It's a shame you've had this idiot's sulky behaviour to contend with on top of such a worrying time.

I've got everything crossed that your grandad pulls through.

If 'D'P contacts you, don't feel like you have to rush to respond. Even if he's really nice. Take as long as you need. You've got bigger fish to fry. If that's an issue, that's his problem.

You absolutely don't need to get in touch with him.

Your grandad and family are your priority right now. It's a shame that he's not right next to you supporting you right now, but that's not for you to worry about.

It's very concerning that you don't see what utter dog shit this relationship is. Time to raise the bar.

He does sound like a misery guts who is not doing much to enhance your happiness. I would like to hope that his redeeming feature is that he is a good lay, but I am afraid I am certain that he isn't because he is such a selfish arse. He is the moody, grumpy, entitled bastard who treats your house like he owns it. Pop him in the dustbin and start enjoying yourself again.

Why on earth was my post deleted!

@aroundtheworldyet I'm not sure, I hadn't had a chance to read it

I've still not heard from him, can't believe he could be so awful

V sorry your grandad is so poorly.

Agree with the PPs.

Given your boyfriend’s past treatment of you, you shouldn’t be surprised he’s not supporting you now. If you continue to date him expect more of the same.

Hopefully this will be the final straw and you won’t waste any more of your time and energy on him.

I didn’t say anything bad!! I promise.
I actually said about sulking and how it’s childish and/or abusive.

Anyway. Sulking is a sign that it can be abusive - it’s quite common.

Tut Tut @aroundtheworldyet 🤣

OP, I'm so sorry about your grandad.

Your partner seems to think that support is a one way street. Find someone who appreciates you and is supportive.

Now I recall I might have said something that someone might have been offended by. But I was trying to make a valid point!!

I can’t believe he hasn’t contact you at 9.30 at night. That’s not good. Sorry OP

Sorry to derail, but now I'm so curious about that deleted post, aroundtheworldyet .

I can’t repeat it! I will get banned!

But tbf. It was probably a bit insensitive. And slightly reactionary.
I apologise to whomever reported me.

Is there any reason NOT to end the relationship tonight by text?

YANBU he doesn't sound very understanding or caring OP. I'm moody some of the time as well especially at the end of the day when I'm tired and had the life sucked out of me by everyone all day! We all get like that, you just need support in these times not someone who is going to make you feel worse! He should be asking you how your family member is and if I were you I would be very hurt by him not asking and make that clear to him! I hope everything went ok today for your family member.

Ffs he sounds like a complete waste of time. Value yourself more highly op. Get rid.