Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@TheCatWithTheHat

At times during the evening, I couldn't stop myself thinking back to Miss Confusing - things that we spoke about in the date triggered memories, and even a picture on the wall reminded me of something we'd joked about when we had first started talking. It's clear to me that it's going to take a while to get over her, and also someone special for me to feel the same connection with as I did with her.

I think you need to take a break from dating untiI you aren't so distressed. I know some people on here have found some great people after the end of previous relationships but none of them were making comments like that, at least on here.

@saltysally gahhhh! In my head the 2 of you were about to embark on a lifelong kink fest. Oh well. I. In similar scenario just now. Hes seeking ltr. I'm not. Or at least ...he doesnt have kids and want them and I'm the opposite so I'm v clear. Never going to happen

I've woken up to some emotionally manipulative messages from Mr G.

Friends, when the mask drops, it drops quickly. I don't think I've been mean or unpleasant to him, but these are the accusations coming my way.

As per, agree with salts ...cat with the hat - dating in this state is just a way to pass on your confusion to others who may like you.

@PerfectPretender I cant recall... why did you end things? Not that it matters why. I had similar recently. I was sad it wouldn't work but my sadness was tempered by his reactions after which devolved into being a shit to me.

@supercali77 oh I still want the kinkfest, just not off into the sunset

@PerfectPretender
You havent been mean or unpleasant to him, he is hurt and angry and wants to hurt you

Fo not listen to anything he says.
I think you need to block him. It will only get worse.

@supercali77 @sortingitout @saltysally thanks. I know I shouldn't send those quotes 🙈.

hes not at the same place as me I know but I think if he wanted to end it he would. he does have a lot going on in his life.

he lives 20 mins away but works in my area. I'll suggest meeting midweek but couldnt do casual as I'd need to arrange childcare.

urgh.

Nooo don't suggest meeting midweek. If he wants to see you he'd be making the effort. I think he's trying to let you down lightly in the best case, worst case he's just going to use you for sex because he's had to do nothing to keep you.

@supercali77 - He did a few things that made me uncomfortable the last time we were together. Tbf I didn't handle it as well as I would have liked, but it also sparked a lot of other realisations about his behaviour that made me think it just wasn't worth trying to fix things. He charmed me thoroughly for a time, we had amazing chemistry, but when I saw more and more of his true character I decided to end it.

He hasn't taken it well. He seems to think he can convince me to change my mind via manipulation, but that just solidifies my decision even more. Hey ho. It was fun while it lasted.

@saltysally
If Mr Builder usually sees his children every weekend and made allowances to see @crazycatlady20 and it affected his time with his kids she shouldn't then be forcing him to not see his kids.

We moan about fathers on here who dont see their children and now we have a man who wants lots of time with his children we should embrace that and accept it.

In all honesty it doesnt sound like he has time for a girlfriend unless its mid week.

A sign of a good man is one who loves and sees his children above all else.

@saltysally but he knows I have my dd midweek so I'd need to say I could swap my childcare to midweek.

@crazycatlady20
Would he really end it if he didnt want to see you?

Some people dont want to hurt the other persons feelings so make comments like he has but dont actually do the dumping which just makes things worse but they cant see that.

Just look at *TheCatWithTheHat and Miss Confusing - she dragged that out for weeks and wasnt fully honest. At least she finally did tell him.

@crazycatlady20
It really sounded like you had a good thing going on and if you can make it work then you should.

Maybe he should have made it clear from the start that he only had midweek free instead of trying to accomodate weekends.

I like the fact he wants to spend time with his children and I know you dont begrudge that but he definitely could have been more honest about his availability from the start.

@sortingitout I didn't criticise him for wanting to see his kids nor did I suggest seeing @crazycatlady20 over them. I said if he wanted to see her he'd find a way.

I would not also be surprised if the kids are an excuse and he doesn't have them all and every weekend.

@sortingitout I think he would. maybe I'm wrong.

so if I just back right off, archive his convo etc what happens with going back on apps etc? do i message his after a week (or how long) and say, no heard from u so moving on and going to see other people?

I dont really want to end it, I'd like to see if he makes contact etc.

Delete his messages and contact details and move on.

@crazycatlady20
After he said he didnt want to hurt you etc how was it left?
Did he say he needed time to think or did he carry on chatting as normal?

@saltysally
He has 3 (or 4) children by 2 mums (I think) so its perfectly plausible that he may see his children every weekend plus 1 is a baby and so I imagine he would want to see the baby all the time.
They are all different ages so he might not see them all together as they all like different things.

My new chap has his son every weekend and 1 evening midweek. Some men are great fathers and some are not.

Hi everyone a bit late to the party, I’ve been dating Mr Football for a month (though we’ve only managed to see eachother 3 times though once was an evening and a morning (he slept downstairs after we went for drinks and then we went for breakfast). Id heard such good things from mutual friends that he has a really nice reputation and he’s a really nice guy. But saw him on the weekend and I’m suddenly having doubts! I don’t know if it’s just because I’m so cautious and easily reject people because of my own fears... but not sure where it’s going to go. Also we slept together and imo it’s a bit early on but it just happened and not sure if it’s going to just be casual or a ltr (it’s a bit long distance at the moment) and I don’t mind either way, just not sure if that’s made me think differently! But I’m so cautious with it all due to awful past experiences (years ago and this is the first guy I’ve been mildly into in terms of potential relationship since). He’s really thoughtful and polite too which I think is lovely. Just not sure why the doubts - I expect it’s probably just me being scared about committing in any way!

It doesn't matter. He's trying to exit the relationship. Best thing to do is support @crazycatlady20 with that.

@crazycatlady Mr S did the same to me. After being the one to increase how often we saw each other etc suddenly he had cold feet. Didn't want to hurt me. Get hurt. Didn't have time. Wasn't sure he was ready for a serious relationship. We spent weeks talking it through and then he ended it. 4 months of no contact and he pooped back up. Started again. Ended it again. I could have saved myself a lot of heart ache by listening to him. If he wanted me. If he was ready for me, he'd have made it work. Instead I showed him I had no value and was prepared to take his crumbs. I had my heart broken twice as a result.

Love @nomoreweepingandwanking? Really? Is this the same man you met a week ago?

@sortingitout a bit of both I think. I think he genuinely doesnt know what to do.

I said did he want me to leave him alone for a bit,was i texting too much and he said no I was fine.