Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

And I'm still secretly pining for Mr Unsuitable. But that's ok too. I've probably romanticised our relationship but I was in love with him and that doesn't happen that often. No one else will come close for a while at least.

Oh and @supercali77. Come and have a rest with us...

I am much better off without him. Side bonus is that I get to save money aswell by not being expected to pay for everything. Never will get that money back but oh well. Lesson learnt and all that. My friend gives me until next Thursday until I start dating again. In fact she already wants to set me up with one of her single friends. I'm happy being me for the moment and learning about who dancer is outside of a relationship

I love cocktails! Love trying new ones, too.

Mr G is trying to bargain with me now, I may have to end up blocking him. He seemed to accept it at first but keeps sending me more messages trying to convince me otherwise. Sigh. This isn't going to be an easy one.

'enjoying life on the cocktails but no cock bench grin'
Love that

Meanwhile I'm in the overinvested naughty corner sitting on floor. Friday will be good though. Will see how it goes. Sooner than later we need to discuss the possible length of this thing so he knows where I'm at.

Once that's done I'll may end upover to the single bench but am hoping find a temporary smitten bench that doesn't face off into the sunset

I love cocktails aswell. Think I'm in need of a girly lunch or night out. If my splitting headache would go that would help tonight.

@PerfectPretender I hope you have an easy time splitting up with Mr G. It all seems fine until suddenly you notice the red flags and start to add everything together

@jane1978xx just spoke with him, hes not sure hes ready for a relationship. hes basically scared. scared he'll hurt me, hurt himself, lose time with his kids to see me. plus he has to concentrate on his own business and court stuff over kids.

it's not looking great if I'm honest. I gave him plenty opportunity to end it. he was pretty honest and said he wasnt sure if he wanted to or not. he said if it was someone he didnt really like he'd end it. i said I'd be happy to go a bit slower but dont want to slow to a stop.

hes going to think. 😩

@jane1978xx I think his son commented that he wouldnt see him this weekend as he guessed he'd be with me and it has got him thinking and feeling guilty.

I've offered tonight to change days etc.

we were supposed to be seeing each other at the weekend but not sure if thatll happen now. will give him a few days to think, theres not really much else I can do. things seemed to be going so well too.

@crazycatlady20 sorry to hear that.

Just got back home from my date with Miss Horse. It was a struggle to drag myself out if I'm honest. Just a few hours earlier I'd been curled up sobbing on my bed, so I wasn't on my best form but I'm glad I went.

There was also a last minute change of plans as the bar we were meeting at was closed due to an unexploded WWII bomb being defused nearby!

At times during the evening, I couldn't stop myself thinking back to Miss Confusing - things that we spoke about in the date triggered memories, and even a picture on the wall reminded me of something we'd joked about when we had first started talking. It's clear to me that it's going to take a while to get over her, and also someone special for me to feel the same connection with as I did with her.

Bizarrely, Miss Horse was talking about dating, meeting people and thinking so and so is really nice, and used Miss Confusing's name as an example which threw me somewhat!

She was nice, easy to chat to and we had lots in common. But we both agreed there was no spark.

On the plus side though, we've agreed to stay in touch as friends and she's going to try and set me up with one of her single friends on a blind date as she thought I was lovely. She's also suggested a couple of things I can do in my spare time which would be a great way to meet women, and she's going to help get me signed up to one of these activities.

@crazycatlady20 sorry to hear that - always painful when things happen when things seem to be going well. Hopefully you both end up on the same page.

@Onesmallstep67 I'm currently on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge. Of the 3 I've found Hinge to be the best but it probably depends on your location, so why not try a few and see which one works best for you?

I’m sorry Perfect and Dancer and well everyone really who is having a shit time

I’ve been texting A bit with Mr Muddle tonight it is mainly flirting more than anything else and nothing deep.

Can I just say how much I enjoyed Sally's wrapping up of the last thread?

The more I talk to Mr rough diamond, the more smitten I am. Both of us are dancing around words like boyfriend, relationship, love...? But there's definitely stuff there. I'm just trying you enjoy the moment and drink it all in.

Perfect pretender - wtaf has happened? WhatsApp me?

@TheCatWithTheHat glad the date was pleasant & smart both of you for recognising their was no spark despite enjoying each other's company.

In hindsight that's what Mr BeardedBassist & I should have done. I knew when I first spoke to him on the phone then again on first date but proceeded to do car park kissing & further dates and sleepovers as he ticked so many boxes for me (and I for him I believe) but when we tearfully parted ways on Sunday we agreed the spark had never been there.

I'm glad we trialled it as for me it was a first going out with a non-narcissist & no lovebombing and solidified some must-haves for me but I won't ignore the 'no spark here' flag again. Or I'll try not to.

@Shitwithsugaron

I was musing about multi dating last night. I'm not sure I could do it. Too confusing, a bit sneaky and feels a bit wrong for me.

my post isnt working and wont post. hope u see this one.

@catwiththehat miss horse sounds lovely. funny she said miss confusungs name.

would it be weird if I sent mr builder a quote from his fav artist? something like "beginning are scary, ends are sad but between makes it worthwhile" or "being vulnerable Is only way for ur heart to experience true pleasure".

I really want to just see him or talk to him. is it best to just leave him alone? I did ask if I text too much etc and he said no, I'd not done anything wrong.

@crazycatlady20. Mr builder really made this an issue himself by seeing you at times he usually sees his kids. Could he not just see you when the kids are with their mum

@TheCatWithTheHat. Sounds like you made a friend on the date which is great I guess if she’s going to help you out

@jane1978xx when we met he saw them at the weekend. fri-sun. my dd doesnt see her dad regularly but I can arrange things with my parents for anytime I guess. he swapped his sat to midweek but is now working earlier so cant get his ds to school.

@unambiguousbeard thanks pal!

@saltysally what do you mean by possible length and where are you at?

@crazycatlady20 mixed messages all over this. Now saying he likes you but scared he will hurt you, --- pay attention to that. To me that says he isnt as involved in this as you for whatever reason and he recognises it. So there are choices. You reduce efforts enormously and see what happens. Or you make the choice yourself and say something like 'it's clear to me that you've got a lot going on so I think it best that I step back now and give you the space you need'. You start dating other people. Convincing someone, or ramping up your efforts in this scenario - it just doesnt work.

@crazycatlady20
Please dont send those quotes, its putting pressure on the situation.

I had an FB who didn't respect my boundaries, started to fall in love with me and tried to convince me my boundaries were wrong and that I did want a relationship with him.
He then kept messaging and sending quotes like those so I binned him off because he didnt respect me and wanted what was best for him.

I think Mr Builder needs time to work out what he wants so your general chatting texts are fine but anything deep isnt.

He is still not long out of a relationship that didnt end well so I'm not surprised he's worried about all those things.

My new chap said at the start that he didnt want a girlfriend or relationship because she would want to do things at weekends when he has his son and he wont compromise on that.
It works for us because up until recently I could only meet mid week anyway.
Now I cant meet much at all but that's another saga.

I actually want him to spend as much time as he can with his son because he will never get this time back.

Can you swap when you see him and keep it more casual with nothing set in stone or does he live too far away for that?

Haha thanks @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking

@supercali77 I didn't go into this looking for a ltr but he did. We have talked about what we are looking for but I don't think he's hearing me. MM isn't who I'd want to spend the rest of my life with.

@crazycatlady20 he's told who he is. I'm sorry to say he doesn't want to be with you. Keep your dignity and wak away. Stop letting him control this or thinking you can change his mind.