Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Both mine (same ages) had a melt down on me going out the other week @Menora I was already to cancel my hotel night half an hour before I was due to be there. But then they both calmed down and apologised. You aren't being unreasonable and I'd refuse to feel guilty. You are entitled to a life too.

I nearly cancelled last week too, DD’s gripe was ‘too short notice’ but both of them spend every night in their rooms doing assignments/watching TV there is no change except I am not home! I understood and was sympathetic that it is weird to be home alone for the first time
I am not even going out getting drunk!

I said the same to them. That I spend every night watching tv on my own downstairs. I left at 7 and was back before 7am.
I've had Mr B stay over a couple of times now. But my youngest wants him gone before he gets up. I'm trying to balance keeping a safe home and respecting their wishes. Whilst also being able to enjoy living in my home and making responsible decisions.

@misty I saw your post but I'm similar so don't have much advice! Can anyone help 🙂

Hi guys. I only dip in every now and then but read everyday. Im really sorry for those having a hard time.
I'm off on date no.4 tonight with the first ever guy I spoke to on OLD and omg hes just so lovely.
I'm trying very hard not to get over invested!!

I had a bit of an impromptu date this evening - spoke on the phone to one of my irons yesterday (let's call her Miss Snooty), and she messaged me today asking if I wanted to meet up as she was working near my office.

We met in a local bar, and straight away things didn't quite go to plan when she made a derogatory comment about something I was wearing "oh I couldn't possibly date someone who wore that". Then proceeded to poo poo various things I talked about.

Oh well - can't win them all. 1 down, 3.5 billion to go...

Good luck clover Mr Big was my first ever old match and date. It’s not been smooth sailing and I have had many more dates but it’s been a year and we are finally making a go of it

@TheCatWithTheHat she sounds like a charmer 😂 I tend to waffle if im nervous as do a lot of people but it tends to be overly nice

@Clovertoast. My bf is only the 2nd person I met on OLD it doesn’t always take a long time

@TheCatWithTheHat That's so rude!! Did you say anything to her at the time?

@Menora I haven't reached that stage with my daughter yet. But a friend of mine has and has come through the other side. She talked to her children about what makes them happy. And what makes her happy, both as a mum and as an adult. Things like doing things as a family, having time to yourself and having a special friend that you can talk to.
Her children were worried that her new man would take her away from them. Once they could see that she had time for them as well, they calmed down.

I hope you're able to sort things out with your children. Don't feel guilty.

@cat what were you wearing out of interest?

Unless you had a dungarees on or something equally as awful, what a snooty lady, good name!

Thanks @bangheadhere40
I just spoke to the guy I had the impromptu date with yesterday and he reminds me of my uncle who is a lifelong bachelor and does things like going to his local pub almost daily. I don't think it'll work... I seem to be attracted to the slightly complex and/or tortured souls and be turned off by straightforward people!

@Jane1978xx she was a little set in her ways I think

@bangheadhere40 I was wearing trainers with a suit as I'd come straight from work. I did explain why I wear them - I find normal shoes painful due to an old ankle injury, so only wear them on special occasions.

@EchoElephant I was a little taken aback, especially as she said that after I explained why I wore them.

Strangely, this is one thing I had in common with Miss Confusing, and it was one of the things that she liked about me. Ho hum...

patiently waiting to see if @thecatwiththehat was wearing dungarees and if so what @bangheadhere40 response will be 😂

I was stood up yesterday. was to pick mr train up to go for coffee, said I'd be in the area at a certain time, text him when I was in the area to ask where I should meet him, he was replying but not actually giving me an answer, just like delaying. eventually made a decision but he wasnt there, waited 10mins and i txt to say I was gonna leave. he didnt reply for an hour and said oh sorry I went for a shower and didn't realise ud messaged! texting away today like nothing happened. not sure if he just got cold feet or not.

talking to another iron mr driver. I actually think I know his face, think I used to live near him. seems pretty normal which is good.

@crazy sorry you got stood up, what a dingbat! My opinion of men has changed now, the first sign of flakiness I'm out! Wasted way too long with false hope of he who isn't worth mentioning.

Trainers and suit are cool, can't see the issue!

TheCatWithTheHat trainers with a suit sounds great! Her problem, not yours

crazycatlady20 sorry to hear you got stood up. How did he not realise you were waiting for him when you'd given him a time and place?

Hi all. So today I invited Mr Ad to come away with me, the kids and my parents for a week over Easter and he jumped at the chance!
My mum mentioned it first (they are paying for the accommodation) so I thought I'd see what the kids thought about the idea before I asked him and they were both really keen 😊

I am very wary of letting someone in too much after my marriage breakdown...especially where my kids are concerned so this is a huge step for me.

@Ant330 I'm pleased you seem to have sorted things out with Miss H and are happy with your decision to give it another go.

@menora. Having kids is what I think put Mr Shorty off because I felt I couldn’t stay over at his and of course couldn’t do impromptu weekends away so he said he couldn’t see where it would go. Mine are around the same age as yours and I wish I’d been more upfront with them in the way you are as Mr Shorty was a lovely bloke, and I think I’m going to miss him. It probably wouldn’t have lasted but I wasn’t expecting to be asked where I thought it was going after only 5 weeks!
I’ve now got another iron Mr Hotty, he has been messaging since Wednesday. Day time normal messages, evenings turn into sexting and asking for underwear pics. Not happening, especially at my age, but he just doesn’t let up. He’s very funny but isn’t getting the hint. He hasn’t asked for a date, so do I just bin him off?

@mylife if he is asking for rude pics then yes; put him in the bin.

@echoelephant exactly what I said but he just said sorry then when I was home kept saying how he'd have loved to have seen me. I think it was cold feet. still chatting but not holding out much hope.

@crazycatlady20 shouldn't be a case of "not holding out much hope" imo. He stood you up and has offered no good reason for doing so, don't give him another thought, bin him.
@TheCatWithTheHat I'm surprised you hung around after the derogatory comment about your clothes.
@Gitface putting to one side his reasons for needing some time to process things, as I can't really add to the good advice you've already had other than to agree with those who said it's clearly him not his child who's struggling more.
But have you told him that what he's doing is raising doubts and questions of your own. I think he needs to know that should he come back in 2 weeks and say "it's all fine" that actually you might not be.
I respected that MissH did not make it easy for me when I went round to apologise, so don't hold back on expressing your concerns as well.

So I went on two of the three dates I had lined up. First one, I knew as he lumbered towards me that it was a mistake, then politics came up (my profile clearly states I am a leftie and a remainer) he is a Tory brexiteer who then droned on about the rugby that he was missing for our date. I was so relieved when my phone went ping to say my parking had run out and scuttled off.

I scooted home and got ready for the evening date.

Date number two was two hours later. This was someone I had talked to on the phone and I just had a feeling there was a spark. So I am waiting in the pub and in walks a guy with bottle glass specs that make his eyes look huge and an odd gait- I got up to say hi and go for the polite cheek brush, but I got a slight lip brush and then we tried to talk, but the fecking rugby was on so the pub was heaving and so noisy we couldn't talk. He took my hand at one point to show me something and there were sparks flying out of my fingertips. He was funny, interesting, confident and humble too and we discovered we are both from the same area of the north west- his accent was full on and mine has gone (or I thought it had- but he says it's still there). After one drink in the bar I made the decision to go to my house round the corner (I know, but I'd done some research on him and you have to trust at some point). So we went to mine and talked and drank some wine- not much, no getting drunk on either side. Need I say more? He left mine 22 hours later. We've spoken on the phone for hours daily since, both come off dating sites and we've clicked. I had to cancel the Sunday lunch date I had lined up, so I only went on two of the dates and date number two so far has turned out to be a delight. I'm not counting any chickens, we are having fun discovering stuff about each other and chatting endlessly. We are meeting again on Friday somewhere quieter and we both know that the chemistry is there so I think all in all the first date can be called a success.

No to rude photos! Only as I suspect they are just wanking on them

@flamingnoravera date number two sounds great!

I had a third date Saturday, it was wonderful and he slept over - we didn't have sex.

We arranged to meet this Friday and I messaged yesterday to confirm and haven't heard back from him. He has read the message so why not respond? Simple yes or no? Now I'm overthinking ... it isn't a problem tbh if he has changed his mind but I do want to know. I will try to be patient or is the non response answer enough?

I dip in and out of this thread but just want to say how very helpful advice has been - has kept me relatively sane in this madness of OLD

Had you travelled to see him @crazycatlady why was he in the shower if he was supposed to be meeting you. Why are you still talking to him after that?!