Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

crazycat I agree with all the others - I'd be binning.

Cat she sounds so rude!

Ant330, is this weekend too early to get in touch and ask for a talk? That would be just over a week of space. Or do I sit it out and wait for him to get in contact with me? It feels cruel and I do wonder now if we could ever go back even if he wants to as he's hurt me so much. Confused about if to initiate the talk or wait for him.

flamingnora sounds amazing, fantastic start.

misty I saw your post and I just don’t really know what to advise. That pattern doesn’t sound very healthy. Could you perhaps hold off on dating for a while so you can see if your therapy takes you to a better place?

I hadn’t seen Mr GN for over a week as he was on holiday. He got here at 4 yesterday and left just now. We literally spent the whole time in bed (not sleeping 😂) bar three hours for dog walk/supper. OMG. Where’s the smitten bench?

@crazycatlady20 why are you still conversing? He stood you up, it shouldn't be So much anxiety early on. Delete and move on.

@TigerDater . It's good isn't it ... definitely need a smitten symbol here. Only problem is that once you get to middle age it's tough on the body, I'm stiff and my knee hurts! .

Yup, my hips are killing me and my brain is shot. Totally worth it 😍.

@misty9 almost ended things with a partner means he has a partner. Steer clear.

@gitface don't contact him at all. He's treating you appallingly. Busy yourself with other things. Read Mr Unavailable and think why are YOU prepared to accept this treatment. What can you do to work on you.

Question for those who’ve been seeing someone for a little while. How long until you take a proper overnight bag to your bf /gf and how long before you left tooth brush etc. I take knickers and deodorant etc in my handbag but with this cold weather I want to take my pjs 😂 just don’t know if it’s too soon

@jane if you are staying over you take your stuff! I always packed a bag if I'm staying - mainly because I want my stuff.....

Mr Dumfries has booked the train down on Saturday, and says he has has booked an 'open return'. I'm not sure if I want him staying over, but don't want to be rude and say he has to go home as we are going out for food in the evening, and not even sure if trains are running late.

Would it be okay to say you can stay but make it very clear it's in another room? I'm not sure if he expects to stay or not, and assumed he would drive. I am having a little wobble about it, I don't mind him staying, but I don't want him to expect anything so not sure if to mention it or just see what he does!

I wasn't sure what he meant by 'open return', don't want to send him home as I do like him, but he would need to stay in another room ( this could change depending how we get on).....!!!!

@halfthesun - I think no response is a response in itself! Don't push again.

@bangheadhere ask him what time the last train is and say he can sleep in spare room then if things progress that will happen naturally.

@jane, I am just anxious it's a little presumptuous of him, mentioning the train time down but not asking about times back.....I'm not sure as yet if I want him to stay, depends how we get on. I think I will be able to gauge it on the day, so might be best to leave until then, and then I can mention trains back or ask him to stay.

It will be a chance to see his drinking habits ( probably why he is getting the train).

I would maybe mention trains back or he may assume he is staying and/or miss the last train on purpose

bang I think you should say to him now that you’re expecting him to go home at the end of the evening. Otherwise, whether you want him to or not, he’ll be staying. Ie you might have someone staying in your house that you don’t want there. That’s a big risk.

@Jane1978xx Mr Muddle bought me my own toothbrush I also have PJ’s and underwear at his house that I leave there

I’ve gone over to his today as we are having a day out. He’s had to go into a work meeting quickly up the road so I am amusing myself on MN. Even just being in the car together is so nice.

@menora does he wash them
For you ?

I think I’ll just take my pjs tomorrow and bring them home again. No point in freezing 😂

It looks like the last train leaves at 8.10pm from where I am back to his! If we are going out for food in the evening then he literally can't get the train back can he....

I can't help thinking he has done this on purpose.....at least if he was driving he could set back whenever, he is obviously assuming to stay.

I may have to word it that what time should I book food for, should I do early on to give time to get the train.

I probably wouldn't mind him staying over, but if he is just presuming then that is really bad form. I will try and gauge it later!

I will ask him what time should I book the meal, not mention the trains and see what he says!

Maybe ask him to come for lunch and few afternoon drinks instead ? Can always tell a little lie about evening childcare issues. He’s got an open return so could come anytime

We have sorted he is arriving at 2.15 as my kids don't go till then! He may be thinking the above anyway, and I'm just assuming.

Good idea....I will suggest we go out for afternoon drinks and grab some food, rather than an evening meal!

Thanks @jane....will word it as a late lunch / drinks !

@Jane1978xx
Yes

@menora that’s cute lol

@bangheadhere40 sounds much better if that’s what you want but there’s always the opportunity he stays if that’s how the night goes