Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why do I feel like this after sex?

243 replies

HelloLollypop · 03/02/2020 16:11

I’ve been dating someone 2 months and on Friday night we did the deed. It was great.

Since then I’ve been obsessing over hearing from him and I don’t know what’s go into me!!!! (No pun intended Blush). I was pretty relaxed about things between us before this but now I am checking my phone all the time. We’d done lots of other stuff before this so sex wasn’t really all that different! Seen each other completely naked and been intimate before.

His messaging hasn’t change, sometimes he goes a day or so without being in contact, so there’s nothing actually different between us. But I am constantly thinking about when he will next be in touch and it’s driving me mad.

Any ideas why this is happening?! I don’t want to ruin something that could be good by being like this.

OP posts:
Cohle · 03/02/2020 22:34

It’s ok to have expectations for how you are treated in a relationship. You don’t have to justify your boundaries.

Yes but if you have expectations, and especially if your expectations have changed, then you generally have to communicate them to your partner. That's not about having to justify yourself, but it is acknowledging that your partner isn't a mind reader.

Sagradafamiliar · 03/02/2020 22:35

Way-hey he texted! Now you can use livefornaps' line

Nancydrawn · 03/02/2020 22:38

So he did text! This is good news, OP.

If you want a way out, that's totally fine--you don't need an excuse.

But if you want to stay in, he's done what you hoped he would do: remember that you have an important day, text you about how it went, and check in with you.

I don't know what more you could want from him.

livefornaps · 03/02/2020 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

samyeagar · 03/02/2020 22:46

Perhaps the next time you are together, you should explicitly set out your expectations. No more mind reading and wondering. Tell him point blank that you need X number of texts, phone calls, emoji's and memes for you to feel secure in your relationship. That you expect a certain number of daily interactions to be initiated by him for you to feel desired in your relationship.

Just lay it out there OP, what your expectations are so there are no more questions, grey areas, what if's, maybe's.

Grembolina · 03/02/2020 22:50

Glad he text. The thread was making me angsty never mind you.

Onemansoapopera · 03/02/2020 22:52

Bet he's still in the wrong 🤔

CurlyhairedAssassin · 03/02/2020 22:54

Oh thank fuck, he’s texted, we can all stop reading this thread and communicate with someone else who is a bit less needy and dramatic.

By the way, Op, read your posts back. You’ve gone round and round saying you just expect a text after sex. He fucking DID text you!! Less than 24 hours later!! And you’ve made plans to meet on Thursday! What more do you bloody want??? If this were my son you were talking about I would be very tempted to tell him to run a mile as 1) nothing he did would ever be good enough and 2) he’s not a mind reader and you’re not a great communicator, which is a shit combination for a relationship.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 03/02/2020 22:57

Tell him point blank that you need X number of texts, phone calls, emoji's and memes for you to feel secure in your relationship. That you expect a certain number of daily interactions to be initiated by him for you to feel desired in your relationship.

This IS a joke, right? If not, you do realise that she wants to carry on seeing him? Not have him fake his own death?

Grace226 · 03/02/2020 22:57

Glad it worked for you in the end hun x keep us updated if you decide to keep him or not

Justaboy · 03/02/2020 23:06

Can someone explain to me why people don't talk to each other anymore?.

Because people like to use different forms of communication and that is their choice. There's no need to be so stuffy and judgemental about it.

Not being stuffy! texts are fine for simple conmmications and can be very usefull but at the stage in an intimate relationship?

Would you talk in simple text type sentences?.

limpbizkit · 03/02/2020 23:07

Bloody hell. If you were dating my son I'd tell him to run for the hills.

Shortfeet · 03/02/2020 23:07

So what did he say ???

ALHanes2 · 03/02/2020 23:15

Gosh what a load of drivel. This online texting/fretting nonsense needs to be replaced with a hobby.

NameChangeNugget · 03/02/2020 23:15

I’m undecided @samyeagar if you’re post was deliberately funny however, it was, it cracked me up Grin

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 03/02/2020 23:21

Bloody hell. He cant do anything right can he Confused

Fml2015 · 03/02/2020 23:22

Thank God he text! I did not want to read this thread cus of all the whingeing from the OP however I just had to see if he text.

The poor bloke got a battering and he o ly went and bloody text, asking about your presentation. OP nil points ...her date 10 points!!!!

MadgeMak · 03/02/2020 23:25

You've moved the goal posts again, OP. First you wanted a text from him following on from you having sex together. Turns out he texted you the afternoon after the night before. Then you said you wanted a text the day after the day after the day you'd had sex, especially as you'd had a tricky day at work. And he has texted you and asked about work. And now you're saying it's your bedtime and him texting you at this time of night isn't acceptable. Poor fucker can't win.

QueenOfIce · 03/02/2020 23:28

I’m not needy as a general rule but I do expect contact after the first time I’ve had sex with someone. If that makes me needy then definitely I am.

Does he know that you expect him to make contact first after sex or does he have a crystal ball? I think he should run!

Perhaps next time you could put 'must text me first after copulation' on your list of demands.

Interestedwoman · 03/02/2020 23:37

I agree OP, it wasn't very thoughtful of him.

Good sex can make you more into someone, supposedly it's the oxytocin or something. Best wishes xxx

Osirus · 03/02/2020 23:45

OP, you need to calm down or he’s going to run a mile...

You sound like very hard work. It was stressful just reading your (irrational) posts.

I didn’t hear from my now DH for days after we first had sex. Was probably a week! We were early 20s and didn’t last more than six months as he clearly wasn’t interested in a relationship.

The second time around, he was straight round the next morning cooking me (and some members of my family) a full roast.

When you know, you know.

But don’t act like a nightmare in the meantime!

Catsandchardonnay · 03/02/2020 23:59

Omg OP you are mega-needy and a total drama queen. Please read this thread back and have a think about how ridiculous you sound. You really need to lighten up. Why are you setting him stupid tests? If I was him and read this thread I wouldn’t be able to run for the hills fast enough.

outherealone · 04/02/2020 00:02

Well he text to ask about my presentation bang on 10pm which was when I was about to go to sleep.

Hahahahaha, Liz Jones, is that you?
Seriously tho, what an absolute cunt to wait until the end of his day and take time to send a message asking you something about yourself that you’d told him you’re worried about.
Honestly start listening to Eckhart Tolle on YouTube, the power of now, it will change your life,
Also, and I mean this kindly, consider therapy before you push him away otherwise you’ll have exactly the same feelings in every future relationship

Dizzygirl00 · 04/02/2020 00:12

He can’t win the poor sod 🤣 seriously though, stop being so needy and give him a break 🙄

Icanflyhigh · 04/02/2020 01:47

You sound a bit intense OP.
How do you know he hasn't been sat at home wondering why you haven't text him? Or called for that matter.

So you've been on here slating him, and when he does message, it's 10pm and too late cos you're going to sleep?

Poor bloke can't win can he?!