Why do I feel like this after sex?

[HelloLollypop]

I’ve been dating someone 2 months and on Friday night we did the deed. It was great.

Since then I’ve been obsessing over hearing from him and I don’t know what’s go into me!!!! (No pun intended ). I was pretty relaxed about things between us before this but now I am checking my phone all the time. We’d done lots of other stuff before this so sex wasn’t really all that different! Seen each other completely naked and been intimate before.

His messaging hasn’t change, sometimes he goes a day or so without being in contact, so there’s nothing actually different between us. But I am constantly thinking about when he will next be in touch and it’s driving me mad.

Any ideas why this is happening?! I don’t want to ruin something that could be good by being like this.

You sound like haaaard work.

Did he cuddle you after sex and say how great it was? I'd put more weight in that than a random text. Agree you sound very needy.

You've moved the goal posts again, OP. First you wanted a text from him following on from you having sex together. Turns out he texted you the afternoon after the night before. Then you said you wanted a text the day after the day after the day you'd had sex, especially as you'd had a tricky day at work. And he has texted you and asked about work. And now you're saying it's your bedtime and him texting you at this time of night isn't acceptable. Poor fucker can't win.

This ....for sure

So he texted and it’s still not good enough? Bilmey. Is this not a wind up post? Surely nobody’s not that Needy?

I think the problem is the text/s were not what the op wanted. They weren't quick enough, heartfelt enough or said what op thought they should say.

I'm sure he was kind and loving after the sex and likely didn't feel he had to send a 'test text' to make you feel less insecure, op.

I also think it's odd the op KNOWS he wasn't doubting his performance. That's a ridiculous thing to say. He may well have had insecurities but didn't let on.

OP, you have been given an incredibly hard time on this thread. I hope you're OK.

I totally get where you were coming from op. Did you reply to him in the end? I'm newly dating at the moment and the anxiety and fear of it all is just horrible!

I don't understand why people are being so unkind.

The fact of the matter is that it's nice to know someone is thinking about you after you've been intimate.

Op texted him the next day to day she'd had a nice time (polite and thoughtful) and he replied. Then nothing the next day until bedtime.

Of course you'd hope for a bit more than that. You would hope he had been thinking affectionately enough of you to want to say hi. Communication does normally pick up after that stage in my experience, as you're no longer just arranging dates, but getting closer.

Ten doesn't seem terribly late (it's a bit early for bed really) but it's a bit tardy of him. But it does show he's not decided to move on now he's had his way which is probably what the op is worried about.

And the op admitted she herself was surprised by her reaction so calling her needy and a drama queen is really unnecessary.

People can be really unpleasant on here at times.

I’m guessing she replied the second the phone vibrated in her hand.

Texting at 10pm is so late.

@MashedSpud

Why do you say that? The OP managed to resist contacting him all day despite an avalanche of "chase him until your feet catch fire!" advice on this thread.

How old is the OP? sounds like a young teen

Who would normally instigate the texts?

For all you know maybe he was waiting for you to text first.

Poor bloke is probably thinking what a wonderful night he'd had and was looking forward to seeing the op again, and is likely to end up having a 'chat' about texting and he'll be sat there thinking wtf!

The OP did text first. She texted him on Sunday afternoon when she got home.

I don’t know why people on this thread are being so mean.

I have had one night stands where I’ve really enjoyed myself and not expected anything more. But OP has been dating this guy for a few months - they have been building intimacy and trust. Now they have finally had sex. When you have sex with someone you have feelings for, you can’t help but make yourself emotionally vulnerable. It’s a very intimate thing and OP is just asking the he acts in a way that’s respectful of that and suggests that he cares about her feelings and making her feel good.

They’re not virtual strangers who have just had a fling. OP is not being ‘needy’ (nice misogynistic trope there btw - god forbid a woman should want or expect to get her emotional needs met). I think she’s allowed to set the bar a bit higher than an afterthought text at 10pm.

Some women on here would be happy to settle for so little. It’s depressing.

OP no one who has not recently been in the dating shark pond and dealt with something like this will understand.

I was in the 'shark pond' for 10 years until last year when I met my current boyfriend. I'm mystified.

The OP managed to resist contacting him all day despite an avalanche of "chase him until your feet catch fire!" advice on this thread.

Are we reading the same thread? I've seen a lot of 'it's OK, I understand' interspersed with 'why don't you text him?' If texting him is chasing until your feet catch fire then I probably need a restraining order given the way I communicate with my bf.

OP the key thing here, IMO, is that you feel insecure. It's impossible for us to tell from this thread whether that's to do with you, him, or the combination of the two of you. If it's him, you need to end it. If it's the combination of the two of you, you probably need to end it. If it's you, you need to end it then work on yourself.

You said you wanted him to text the day after sex. He did but apparently that was wrong. Then you wanted another text the following day. He texted again but that was wrong. And all this was whilst you have another date lined up. According to some pp this means he's 'having a wobble' but honestly it reads as if you are the one wobbling. Now that's fine. Something here does not feel right to you. He may not be right for you. It's absolutely fine for you to have your standards of behaviour you expect. Be careful that in doing so you don't exclude decent men who just aren't mind readers. But maybe you'll find someone who instinctively knows what you want.

My bf is great in many, many situations. He is absolutely and completely reliable with practical things. He is kind and generous. Sometimes though he doesn't understand that I'm upset and need a hug. I could dump him and find someone who gets this. However, I know full well that if I did this, I could be spending another 10 years on my own and I know my life is much, much better with my bf in it. So if I'm upset and want a hug I tell him and he gives me a hug. Maybe your current relationship would improve with more communication, maybe it just isn't meant to be. Good luck either way though OP.

I'm so glad to see he texted! Op, don't mind the posters telling you you should have texted him first and saying you are too intense. They would probably be the ones who'd criticise you for scaring him off if you texted. I hope your date on Thursday goes well

Op, don't mind the posters telling you you should have texted him first and saying you are too intense.

Yes, ignore anyone who's opinion isn't what you want to hear. Whether their point is valid or not.

They would probably be the ones who'd criticise you for scaring him off if you texted.

Would they? I don't think you can assume the opinion of quite so many people based on so little.