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Original poster

Why do I feel like this after sex?

243 replies

HelloLollypop · 03/02/2020 16:11

I’ve been dating someone 2 months and on Friday night we did the deed. It was great.

Since then I’ve been obsessing over hearing from him and I don’t know what’s go into me!!!! (No pun intended Blush). I was pretty relaxed about things between us before this but now I am checking my phone all the time. We’d done lots of other stuff before this so sex wasn’t really all that different! Seen each other completely naked and been intimate before.

His messaging hasn’t change, sometimes he goes a day or so without being in contact, so there’s nothing actually different between us. But I am constantly thinking about when he will next be in touch and it’s driving me mad.

Any ideas why this is happening?! I don’t want to ruin something that could be good by being like this.

OP posts:
BetterWithCheddar · 03/02/2020 21:53

I don't think not texting means he is a ghosting wankstain!! And I don't think the OP thinks that either. But he's changed his behaviour at a time when she expected them to be getting closer not more distant. I will be very surprised if he isn't having a wobble if some kind. And it's up to the OP to decide what she wants to do about it.

Qwerty543 · 03/02/2020 21:53

My god you sound like hard work!

You had sex 2 days ago. You were still with him yesterday. You both messaged (keeping track of who did first is ridiculous), it's been just over 24 hours and this amount of angst over a text! Don't bother, you clearly aren't ready for a relationship.

Qwerty543 · 03/02/2020 21:54

Oh, and you've got plans to meet up for Thursday! Men don't see these things the same way women do. He probably doesn't think he's done anything wrong because he hasn't.

livefornaps · 03/02/2020 21:56

Why don't you just say,

"Fank yew for da bang-bang, baby!"

heidbuttsupper · 03/02/2020 21:58

@livefornaps Grin

BetterWithCheddar · 03/02/2020 22:00

Personally I think he's just a bloke and blokes don't think like we do. I asked DH and he just shrugged and said he's probably busy.

And this is how women condition other women to set the bar low for men. What the OP is saying is that regardless of the reason, her wish is that this man thinks about her enough to send her a message 2 days after having sex when he know it was a big deal for her and on a day when she had something on that she was worried about. She expected him to think about her and care about her feelings. This is not needy or over-the-top. He has now shown her that he isn't as invested as she had hoped he was. She can now either choose to discuss this with him or to reduce her investment or do whatever she wants with that information. Expecting a man you've been seeing for a few months (20 dates!) to care about you should be okay. It shouldn't be controversial.

Runbikeswim · 03/02/2020 22:02

From your posts it sounds like you are almost wanting him to not measure up to your (unexpressed) expectations

M0onFace · 03/02/2020 22:03

Have you heard from him OP?

FWIW, I think you're right. I think he would have messaged you today if he was interested in taking things further and I don't buy all this ' you message him then!' I understand why you don't want to. And he's been online all evening so he clearly could have done if he'd wanted to

So, I think he's just not massively into you in the way you are to him. I'm sure you'll hear from him again however ... but it's up to you how you deal with that

Justaboy · 03/02/2020 22:04

Can someone explain to me why people don't talk to each other anymore?.

If that were me she, the OP, would have been called a few times since where we could have a conversation and communicate with each other!.

Or is that no longer the way of it anymore, if so seems very sad to me:(

JeffJarrett · 03/02/2020 22:04

It's concerning you're so insecure in this relationship after 20 dates over two months. That's a decent amount of time to get to know someone and you felt comfortable enough to sleep with him. It seems like you're in self destruct mode for no good reason.

Married now, but in my dating days I would NEVER double text. So regardless of who texted whom first, I would always wait for a reply before texting back so I didn't come off as needy. Maybe he's of the same mindset since he was the last to text?

thickwoollytights · 03/02/2020 22:07

Fank yew for da bang-bang, baby!"

This is now my go-to

Fucking excellent GrinGrin

Original poster
HelloLollypop · 03/02/2020 22:10

Well he text to ask about my presentation bang on 10pm which was when I was about to go to sleep.

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 03/02/2020 22:11

Can someone explain to me why people don't talk to each other anymore?.

Because people like to use different forms of communication and that is their choice. There's no need to be so stuffy and judgemental about it.

KayakingOnDown · 03/02/2020 22:11

I understand why you're upset OP. Has he texted yet?

thickwoollytights · 03/02/2020 22:12

which was when I was about to go to sleep.

ConfusedHmm

KayakingOnDown · 03/02/2020 22:12

Oh good, so he's texted Smile

NameChangeNugget · 03/02/2020 22:13

You sound very needy OP.

Do you think you’re cut out for dating?

aroundtheworldyet · 03/02/2020 22:14

God you’re fucking painful

Original poster
HelloLollypop · 03/02/2020 22:14

I’m not needy as a general rule but I do expect contact after the first time I’ve had sex with someone. If that makes me needy then definitely I am.

OP posts:
RUOKHon · 03/02/2020 22:14

Expecting a man you've been seeing for a few months (20 dates!) to care about you should be okay. It shouldn't be controversial

Hear hear!

The options aren’t: stay in constant text contact 24 hours a day, or be grateful for a text once a week.

There’s a happy medium between the two where the person you’re having an intimate sexual relationship with makes enough of an effort to let you know that they give a shit and that you’re not just an afterthought.

aroundtheworldyet · 03/02/2020 22:15

In the future. There’s a thing called an internal monologue
Keep it to that

cuckooken · 03/02/2020 22:18

This guy can't actually fucking win.

Barbararara · 03/02/2020 22:18

It’s ok to have expectations for how you are treated in a relationship. You don’t have to justify your boundaries. It doesn’t necessarily make him a bad person, but maybe not the one for you.

I’ve ended relationships where men pulled back after sex. How dh behaved and communicated after our first sexual experience was an important factor for me. He got it right (for me), not because he was a mind reader but because we are compatible. Maybe other posters might have found him a bit too full-on, which is also okay.

Feeling needy and vulnerable can be a sign that the relationship isn’t right for you, not that there’s something wrong with you.

Babyfg · 03/02/2020 22:27

I'm totally with op. Why should it be ok that he's not worried about your emotional needs (which fwiw I don't think are at all unreasonable).

If it's usually your bedtime don't text him until the morning to give yourself a chance to think about the reply you want to give him.

Booker82 · 03/02/2020 22:31

I'm not sure I get this at all.

You saw him the morning after and then had a couple of check in texts that afternoon. He's not text you since but that's nothing different to normal according to you.

How about the fact that this may have been a big deal to him too? He's probably wondering why you haven't messaged and thinking you're not bothered. Personally I would have messaged you, but I messaged the lady I'm seeing dozens of times every day. Your guy isn't like that. He's not all of a sudden changed.

You seem incredibly needy and are playing games with him.

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