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Original poster

Why do I feel like this after sex?

243 replies

HelloLollypop · 03/02/2020 16:11

I’ve been dating someone 2 months and on Friday night we did the deed. It was great.

Since then I’ve been obsessing over hearing from him and I don’t know what’s go into me!!!! (No pun intended Blush). I was pretty relaxed about things between us before this but now I am checking my phone all the time. We’d done lots of other stuff before this so sex wasn’t really all that different! Seen each other completely naked and been intimate before.

His messaging hasn’t change, sometimes he goes a day or so without being in contact, so there’s nothing actually different between us. But I am constantly thinking about when he will next be in touch and it’s driving me mad.

Any ideas why this is happening?! I don’t want to ruin something that could be good by being like this.

OP posts:
undercoveraessedai · 03/02/2020 20:23

But he did text, yesterday? I can't see why you're so upset when you have had messages exchanged since sex, plus you have a date arranged in a few days?!

(I've not had sex in six years so I understand it being a big deal, but in the kindest possible way I think you're way overthinking this!)

AudaCityLimits · 03/02/2020 20:23

I would feel like this too, but I would be completely unreasonable I'm being. He hasn't treated you badly, you haven't been wronged. You're being obsessive and clingy and I am exactly that way at the beginning of a relationship.
You expected the rules of the relationship to change because you'd slept together, but you didn't tell him that. It's very unfair on him.

MadgeMak · 03/02/2020 20:23

What did his text on Saturday after you left say?

Original poster
HelloLollypop · 03/02/2020 20:24

I text him first yesterday. He replied.

He hasn’t left it a day without messaging (whether it is me or him messaging first) for many weeks. I think it’s a shit thing to do after sex two days ago.

OP posts:
Ginplease29 · 03/02/2020 20:24

Thinking about it, I’d be inclined to send him one message, just to see. Something breezy or a link to something funny you’ve seen etc

agonyauntie2020 · 03/02/2020 20:24

I bet he texts last thing before bed. I hope so anyway. OP I think you're quite understandably feeling a bit vulnerable but you don't know for sure how he's feeling... possibly the same. Your atennae are up now (how do you spell that ffs?) and you can see how it goes Thursday. I honestly think it's too soon to draw conclusions. Hugs.

Badtasteflump · 03/02/2020 20:25

OP in the nicest possible way, take a deep breath and stop catastrophising. You dtd Saturday night and stayed over, so also saw him yesterday. Then you texted each other a bit after you/he left?

So it's only been today that you've not heard from him - and this is from a man who you admit is 'not big on texting'.

Honestly, I do understand how you feel, but the chances are he is still the decent man you saw only yesterday. He's probably been happily going about his business today and this evening, thinking how good everything was/is and how it will be so nice to see you again on Thursday. He probably has no idea you have a clock running for how often he should text.

But just because he's not texted you today, you are assuming he's turned into a complete arse. Give him the benefit of the doubt at least - if you want to text him then do, but keep it light and flirty'. Nothing wrong with sending a text to say you've been thinking about him today (wink wink) if you want to.

Honestly, ime, lots of men are just not wired the same as we are re communication. DH texts me when there's a 'reason' to - and he wasn't much different when we started dating. It used to drive me a bit nuts until I realised it was just 'him' and didn't actually mean anything, at all.

Original poster
HelloLollypop · 03/02/2020 20:25

I messaged first on Sunday lunchtime saying thanks for a great night, it was fun waking up with you too ;).

He then replied with similar sentiment. That was it.

OP posts:
Eckhart · 03/02/2020 20:25

I would rather he behaved how he naturally felt inclined to rather than have me impose some sort of standard that I expect

He is, and you don't like it. Find someone else, who is naturally inclined to behave in a way you deem perfect. He hasn't done anything wrong though. And healthy relationships require both participants to communicate their feelings, rather than hoping that each will intuit the other's.

Bluerussian · 03/02/2020 20:25

AnuvvaMuvva Mon 03-Feb-20 17:18:04
Yes -- funnily enough, we're not wired to let any old penis deposit sperm into our vagina without our giving two shits about the person attached to it. I'm always surprised when people think we are.
.......
Yes!

cuckooken · 03/02/2020 20:26

You say you won't text him because sex was a big deal for you but you haven't really said why that means you can't text. He was a nice guy, you had great sex and you are basically letting any chance you have go down the pan simply because you won't text him. Batshit. You are acting like a primary school kid taking turns at playing ball.

Original poster
HelloLollypop · 03/02/2020 20:27

I think I could definitely deal with it if it was further down the line and I knew where we stood.

I feel so vulnerable and shit right now. I almost want to text him to end whatever it is completely because I feel embarrassed that I feel this way.

OP posts:
Original poster
HelloLollypop · 03/02/2020 20:28

Of all the days to decide not to text me, why this one!

OP posts:
CakeandCustard28 · 03/02/2020 20:28

What? If he’s been in contact it’s not like he’s ghosted you. I actually feel sorry for the bloke, what’s he suppose to do? Be at your beck and call? This not normal thinking OP.

Original poster
HelloLollypop · 03/02/2020 20:29

No not be at my beck and call.

Just not text me almost every other day since we met, expect the one two days after sex

OP posts:
cuckooken · 03/02/2020 20:29

I text him first yesterday. He replied.

Not so much the drip feds as an entire about turn Confused

amaryl · 03/02/2020 20:29

Oh fgs
He’s probably thinking the same as you
Just text him

PumpkinP · 03/02/2020 20:31

Some of these comments! Ignore them op. I wouldn’t text first if you was the first time to text the last time you spoke, you don’t want to be the one constantly initiating contact. I get where you’re coming from, I wouldn’t be happy about this either.

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 03/02/2020 20:32

You’re in luuuurve!

BercowsFlyingFlamingo · 03/02/2020 20:32

Lord above OP! I've been like you and wish I could go back in time and give myself a slap. Stop giving him all this power over you and your feelings. It's not healthy. Nothing seems off from what you've described but your gut seems to be screaming at you so maybe listen to it. It's a shot position to be in wondering and waiting and worrying. Take control. Either text him and see what he says; or switch off your phone, pick up a book and then get some sleep. This is not healthy.

ukgift2016 · 03/02/2020 20:33

Just text him OP. What is the worse thing to happen? Least then your know instead spending whole next couple days worrying.

Porkeypine · 03/02/2020 20:34

OP I think many women can feel your pain! I’ve been in the sane boat when I was younger....

I went on a date with a guy that I wasn’t particularly attracted to. I didn’t feel the spark and knew I’d not want to see him again.... so I thought sod it and had my first one night stand 😳😳....

Well i started ‘liking’ him after we had sex and I was like ohh he hasn’t text today then we started seeing each order as I had a 360 degree turn.

He wasn’t my type and it fizzled out but yes, it’s ‘a thing’ that women get some kind of emotional attachment to a man they’ve skep with.... buzzard but I guess understandable from a biology perspective.

Not like many fellas who can put it about here there and everywhere 😂 but joking aside biologically for them they don’t get as emotionally attached as women so I’m and would explain why this is post is by a woman and not a man

Original poster
HelloLollypop · 03/02/2020 20:34

He will reply if I text. That’s not the point. I feel vulnerable after Saturday and he manages to text nearly every other day since we met, bar the one two days after the first time we have sex.

OP posts:
Porkeypine · 03/02/2020 20:34

not to say the same for all women or all men of course

Shortfeet · 03/02/2020 20:37

Ffs just text him !
What if he’s “ testing “ you by holding off texting ?