Why do I feel like this after sex?

[HelloLollypop]

I’ve been dating someone 2 months and on Friday night we did the deed. It was great.

Since then I’ve been obsessing over hearing from him and I don’t know what’s go into me!!!! (No pun intended ). I was pretty relaxed about things between us before this but now I am checking my phone all the time. We’d done lots of other stuff before this so sex wasn’t really all that different! Seen each other completely naked and been intimate before.

His messaging hasn’t change, sometimes he goes a day or so without being in contact, so there’s nothing actually different between us. But I am constantly thinking about when he will next be in touch and it’s driving me mad.

Any ideas why this is happening?! I don’t want to ruin something that could be good by being like this.

Personally I think it's odd to be in contact once every couple of days when you are in a relationship with someone so I totally understand why the OP is feeling down and anxious now. Hope he texts or calls this evening!!

I think I've lost the will to live. Just text him OP. Perhaps he feels insecure!

Hmmm. Well if you text him, that doesn't take away from the fact that he didn't text you first. I'd have been inclined to go with the majority here, but I see what you mean, OP. Especially since he knew you had an important day at work.
I'd be wondering if he'd met someone else on that night out with his friend but I'm a pessimist (sorry!).

Jeez, what a drama lama...

I’m with Porkeypine on this one, 100%. It’s stupid and frustrating feeling like you have to play these games, but I feel that letting the guy initiate contact is one of the few ways we have to gauge real interest in the early days. I wouldn’t text but I’d also be feeling as utterly shit as you are about it, OP. If he hasn’t text by this time tomorrow then I would definitely cut your losses. Don’t beat yourself up for having slept with him too early though if you can help it. If he’s the kind of guy to cut and run the minute he gets sex, he would have done that whether you’d done it now or after a few more dates (and that would’ve hurt more). Better to see his true colours earlier on.

It sucks so much though. I really hope we’re all wrong and he gets in touch.

I’m talking about two days after sex with someone for the first time.

But you said it was normal not to text every day, you were texting yesterday. Today is normal.

OP no one who has not recently been in the dating shark pond and dealt with something like this will understand.

Don't be ridiculous.

I agree with you OP, a text takes seconds to send, don't text hin and see what happens. After that many dates and dtd I would expect a text today especially after initiating the texts after sex.

Good grief - get over yourself for heavens sake!!

No one wants to be the one doing all the running. She text the last time.

Get a grip OP.

I wouldn’t text him. He knew how important it was to her so he should be texting her. She text him first yesterday so why should she do it again.

@mrbob has it absolutely spot on. Solidarity OP

WHEN THE DEED IS DONE, THINGS CHANGE, IT BECOMES MORE, A COMMITMENT. MEN DONT GET EMOTIONAL ABOUT SEX LIKE WE DO. XX

I think the OP is being completely reasonable and is right to be upset. It is rude not to contact someone after being intimate, and I bet most men are fully aware of what they’re (not) doing. My instincts always tell me when a man has lost interest after sex, and sadly I haven’t been wrong yet.

I wouldn't text either. The fact he would reply if you text him isn't the point. If he knew how much sex meant to you he wouldn't go a whole day without texting. Everyone has time to send a single text. Probably not what you want to hear OP, but I've been in your situation and you'll feel shit if you text him first.

@mrbob Yes!!! You are so right. You can tell when it changes. Like I said, I always know the second something starts to go off.

OP no one who has not recently been in the dating shark pond and dealt with something like this will understand.

Absolute rubbish

I'm in the shark pond and I am dealing with this and I wouldn't expect a man to text me because I feel precious about sex (and I always do feel precious) because projecting my insecure shit onto him is unfair

Yes he could be a ghosting wankstain - there are many out there - but one non text does not a ghosting wankstain make

Imo , OP, you need to stop making this all about you and grow up

Get offline. Turn off phone. Go and get busy doing something fabulously you.
When he texts you can fill him in on what you’ve been up to.

Repeat every time you are not together.

What @mrbob said

Quit playing games. It's not right or fair to make up some 'test' in your mind as to when/whether he texts you. It's not right to set up some criteria in your head about what it means if you text 'first'. If you like him and want to continue to see him, then just text him! At least then you'll know for sure rather than torturing yourself about it!

I agree that some men only love the 'chase'. I agree that some men worry that sleeping with a woman may raise 'expectations' on her part. But there are many more men for whom sex is simply another step in the relationship path, no more and no less. It's wonderful and creates closeness, but that's it for them.

The fact that it meant so much to you doesn't mean that it meant an equal amount to him. We are each entitled to our feelings about taking that 'next step'. I was like you 'back in the day', becoming intimate really meant something to me. But I came to realize that my feelings were my own responsibility, not the man's.

but one non text does not a ghosting wankstain make

@thickwoollytights Classic line!

He’s been online most of the night. I think maybe this one isn’t the right one after all. Obviously I don’t expect a mind reader but he’s not even acknowledged my day at work that we’d chatted about on Saturday.

Except you are expecting a mind reader. And I don't get why you felt close enough to him to have sex with him, but now don't feel close enough to phone him up and say 'I'd appreciate a bit more contact now, this feels more serious to me'. How is he supposed to guess what you want? You've been texting each other, you have another date arranged.

Honestly, I cannot remember whether I contacted my bf or he contacted me first after we'd first had sex. We carried on communicating broadly as we had before. We both knew that sex was important to each of us but we were secure enough of each other not to need this dithering around.

Tell him what you want.

Agree with @MrBob

Hope it works out for you OP

Jesus. You're stressing me out.

Fucks sake. Just message him if you want to speak to him?!

You say you don't want game playing, but you're doing exactly that!

Personally I think he's just a bloke and blokes don't think like we do. I asked DH and he just shrugged and said he's probably busy.