OP, I hope you’re ok. I understand this thread must be a slap in the face. You already know his controlling you isn’t right but it’s quite a shock when so many people are telling you so bluntly.
It is not alright though, the way he is treating you, however I don’t think anyone on this thread just expects you to up and leave just like that. It’s a hard realisation and an even bigger mountain to climb before you’re actually at the point of doing something positive about it. It takes on average 7 attempts for a woman to leave an abusive partner. If you mange it the 1st or the 20th time you won’t be alone though.
I have been in a very similar situation to yours. My ex wasn’t horrible all the time, and he gave the appearance, at least outwardly, of caring for our DS. However like your partner he was very controlling, and would kick off big time if I wanted to do something without him. it was only when I finally decided to leave that I realised just how isolated I’d become, because of him.
My best advice to you would be to arm yourself to the teeth with information. Find out about benefits you’d be entitled to and where you stand legally about housing etc.
Line up as much support as you can get. Womens Aid, local domestic advice service, have a chat to the police if you’re worried, talk to friends and family, the DC’s schools if relevant. The more you keep talking and the more people who know the easier it will be for you to get the help you need it when you need it.Your friends and family might already know what he’s like and just be waiting for you to come to the realisation yourself, but it’s also possible that it might come as a shock to them as well. Please try to be honest with them, because they will want to help you.
I know you’ll be stricken with guilt at the thought of him leaving, or saying awful things about him, but his controlling of you really isn’t acceptable. Your DC will be observing your relationship and that is what they will see as normal. I’m guessing you don’t want your daughter if you have one to end up in a similar relationship when she’s older, and if you have a son you won’t want him replicating his father’s behaviour to his own partners.
I know your partner said he’d up and leave if you insisted on going out, but I can guarantee he won’t, or he won’t stay gone if he does go. Unfortunately you’re going to have a much harder time getting rid of him than that. These kinds of men are all the bloody same, they will say or do anything in order to keep control over their partner’s. He sees you as belonging to him, and he won’t give up his property easily. He’ll cry, threaten suicide, blame you, guilt trip you, accuse you of breaking up the family, get angry, give you the silent treatment. He might also get physical, which you might not believe but then you’ve never pushed him before so you don’t know how he’ll react. That is why you need to get yourself clued up and line up your support. He’ll throw the kitchen sink at you and you’ll need all the help you can get to stay strong.
It’s hard where you are now to be able to see through all the fog and the guilt, but the more you open up to people and the more feedback you get from them the clearer things will become.
I know you’re worried about coping on your own, I know how that feels, I was terrified, but actually it’s not as hard as you think.Feeling on your own can be horrible, but it’s nowhere as bad as feeling alone when you’re trapped with a person you don’t want to be with.
Anyway, I hope you’re ok. Please do come back and talk. There are many women on here, including myself, who have been through similar and got out the other end, so you can bounce things off us or just have a rant, whatever you feel like. We understand, we’ve been there.
Good luck.