How to get my partner to allow me a girls night out?

[smokedbacon]

Hi I've been with my partner for ten years we have three children under 5 and I'm mid 20s I've never ever been on a girls night out and I really want too.
He said no if I go he has to come or I can't go and I'll be breaking up our family and relationship for the sake of a night out.
I've never ever been out without him only to like the school runs shops or my mums or grandmas. What do I do?
He said if I go out I'll be cheating on him or I can't handle my drink or I'm using a girls night out as an excuse to meet men but I'm not.
I probably would only have two drinks as I don't really like it as much as I used too and plus having the children the next day would be difficult hungover.
I've never gave him a reason not to trust me he keeps telling me I don't love him and I'm a slag if I go but I haven't ever been out with my friends before and I really want to go but I guess it's not worth losing my relationship and family life over a night out is it?
Has anyone experienced this before??? I don't even know why I asked I know I shouldn't have to ask him but I did and it was vetoed straight away now it's gone to shite

Hope you're okay, OP, and that your friend is with you and your "D"P has packed his bags and gone.

Another fucking horrible useless male. So sorry OP, hope you can get away from this pathetic arsehole

OP this is your life. Yours. He doesn't get to control you. I'm a single mum and left an abuser and I can tell you my life is wayyyy easier.

Also if he does have the kids some of the time you have some time to pursue other interests/train/get back to work and get some independence back.

The best gift you can give yourself right now is to be shot of him and get your independence

What a shame something large like a 20 tonne boulder cant fall on him wounding him fatally and freeing you in a very quick and easy way ... but no doubt the badtard will live until he's 99 ruining your entire life.

No you r going to have a tougher time leaving this abusive, controlling nutcase and I would recommend speaking to Women's Aid for advice as it needs to be planned for your and your children's safety. In the meantime make sure you have copies of important documents and overnight bags packed in case u need to leave quickly.

You have been so brave and resilient and adept at living with the enemy but life would be so much free from this cage has built.

Hope you’re ok OP. My stomach sank reading your comments. He’s a sad, controlling little man. Leave him.

Awful

This sounds exactly like my ex! I would go on a night out with your friends and if he goes then it's his loss! You have done nothing to make him insecure so it's his problem. I was due to go away for a wknd for my best friends hen do (I was maid of honour and arranged the whole thing) the day before he told me if I went he wouldn't be here when I got home! I actually considered not going but did and of course he was still here when I got back! After that I went out lots of other times and he was fine. I was completely devoted to him and would have never even spoke to another man let alone anything else, in the end it turned out he was the one cheating on me! Obviously you love him and want to be with him but this is no way to live, you don't want your children growing up thinking it's normal behaviour!

You LTB, hand him over the kids on a Friday night, tell him you'll collect them on Sunday. Job done.

Seriously op, how on earth are you allowing him to control your life in such a way? Everyone is entitled to downtime with their friends, and no one is entitled to tell you what you can and can't do. Tell him to jog the fuck on, and get your ducks in a row ready to get the hell out of this situation. For you, and your kids.

@Jumpingforgin
Not very helpful advice
a) the OP has been in a coercive relationship since she was 16 and can't just snap out of it
b) her partner is potentially violent and unpredictable in this situation

You need your life back. This is about more than a night out.

OP I do hope you're OK. Please let us know how you are?

Op this is just so sad. You will cope better on your own than you ever will with him. I hope he does leave. He has abused you horribly.

I really think you should make plans to leave. This is no normal or ok.

Sending you all the best op. You deserve so much more than this and I hope you get it.

Please be careful OP. He can sense he's losing his grip on you which will make him grip harder. He will not go easily despite what he says!

Oh god. This is heartbreaking

Sending you love and strength OP. Some fantastic advice on here

Op I hope you're okay??

This is no way to live in life is too short. Get out whilst you're young.

Has the controlling twat gone?

I hope last night was ok OP

Remember if you ever feel threatened in your home you can call the police, even if hes just shouting and screaming at you, if hes being verbally aggressive you can call the police, and make sure you tell the police theres also children at the property if you need to do so

I hope you are OK OP.
Unfortunately, when a controlling abuser starts to 'lose' their victim they really do ramp it up.
I have a feeling he's done something but I do hope it's just him leaving.
If you need to then call 999.
If you can't talk then dial 999 and when it's picked up you dial 55!
Stay safe.
This pathetic excuse for a 'man' absolutely hates women.
All women and that includes you.
If he isn't leaving (which is most likely) then call Womens Aid and get yourself an exit plan in place quick sharp.
His abuse will ramp up and he could and actually probably has already got violent!
Exit safely!!!!!
Your well being and that of your DC is the most important thing here.
Do NOT put yourself at risk.
But I really hope he has fucked off and left!

If you are staying then we will still be here for you.
It takes 7+ attempts to leave an abusive relationship.
If you haven't got out this time, that is OK.
Just make your plans to get away safely!

Hope you’re ok op