In this situation would you message to ask if the date is on?

[WanderingWally]

Been on about 8 dates, he went away for the week on Monday. On Sunday night we saw each other and he said oh it’s going to be a week before we see each other now... (I’m a jokey sort of way). I said we could see each other on Saturday afternoon when he flight gets in at 2pm. He said yes that would be good and I said let’s check nearer the time that it works for us.

It’s Wednesday and we’ve had one short phone call today but meeting Saturday wasn’t mentioned. We haven’t text while he’s away and I’m not about to.

I can’t assume Saturday afternoon is on as we haven’t arranged what time or where. But I’m not inclined to ask because I feel he should after I suggested it last time we met?

What would you do? If we don’t meet Saturday it will be at least another week before we can as I am working shifts from Sunday to the following Saturday!

What would you do?

How far is he flying? I'm not sure I'd want to go straight on a date off a plane, however much I liked the person.

Yeah I did think that! I certainly wouldn’t.

He’s flying from France so only an hour or so.

Not ask. If he is that into you he will ask.

If he doesn't well he isn't worth wasting your time on.

Well you did set the situation up and are now disappointed it's not coming to fruition. Maybe he just wanted to head home after his plane gets in and relax a bit? If you'd been together a year I'd understand a bit better, but after 8 dates you definitely need to chill out a bit.
I wouldn't say anything but I'd also look at maybe getting some more stuff going on in my life so it wasn't revolving around this dude.

Just ask! Say you are planning your weekend so wanted to check about Saturday as if he isn't free you would make other plans. I honestly wouldn't agonise about such minor things.

Partly I want to see if he does ask so I can gauge how interested he really is.

I will be disappointed if he doesn’t ask or says don’t come over if mention it. Not sure what to do! I know either way he will be nice about it and he asked to call me today rather than me so he is making some sort of effort for 8 dates in I think...

I would definitely leave it up to him now. Ball's in his court, as they say.
That said, I never ever chase. I will show I'm interested and make the effort, but never pursue something that I've suggested, but which receives a lukewarm response.

If he doesn’t mention it should I assume this isn’t going anywhere?

I think he won't know if he's up for it until he gets back. You can either accept that you might/might not see him on the Saturday, knowing that you won't hear until he gets home. Or even better, make other plans and don't waste your day off.

If he doesn’t mention it should I assume this isn’t going anywhere?

No!!
You have set this up as some kind of mad test. He is probably perfectly content just getting to know you. I doubt he sees any problem at all while you are angsting away.
It's almost like you're looking for an excuse to pack it all in, and say he's not bothered about you.

It wasn’t a test, I thought it was better to confirm later in the week when we knew what time was best etc...

I thought he’d confirm either way!

I wouldn't end it over him not seeing you the day he returns from his trip. I don't think it's unreasonable for him to want to get home and relax. It's unfortunate your shifts make it impossible to see him until next weekend, but not seeing you this Saturday isn't a sackable offense IMO.

If he doesn't mention it, I'd assume he originally said yes because a. not thought it through and/or b. polite. And now he's possibly hoping you've forgotten because it'd be a bit of a faff and stress after a flight and he probably wants to get home and get sorted for the week.

No I agree with that but it’s more the fact he seems to have ignored it!

He might be worried that you'll be offended if he says he doesn't fancy it, and since it was a vague thing, think it's simplest just to leave it.

Ok I’m thinking leave it then and assume it’s not happening!

You've had 8 dates. Relax.

Resist the urge to issue ulitmatums or cut people off so soon because you feel a pang of defensiveness

I'm sure he will get in touch when he is back.

I didn’t see it as an ultimatum?! Is it? I didn’t mean for it to be

There are only two possible scenarios here.
A) he wanted to see how keen you are on him and tested you with the 'we won't see each other for a week now' to see if you would ask him out which you did so now he's lost a bit of fire in his belly and doesn't feel the need to confirm with you because you're a sure thing
B) he was trying to fob you off with 'we won't see each other for a week now' because he's going to do a slow fade
Either way you need to leave him now to make the moves and actually give him a chance to show you if he's interested enough. When you make all the moves you're robbing yourself of the chance to weed out vaguely interested/won't be here 2 weeks from now type men. You will get pick me chicks on here disagreeing with me and telling you you're all good though

If he skips a week he is a next btw. He should be more excited to see you than this flight or no flight

Maybe not an ultimatum. More of an all or nothing scenario in your head.

Life is more complicated than black and white

I’ve no idea really if he’s excited to see me. He asked for the majority of our 8 dates.

I think I’m going to leave this (as hard as it is because I want to see him).

No point chasing something and when he’s back he can easily follow up with me if he wants to

I dont think it's as complicated as you are making this. He is away hes probably not thinking about anything other than that. If you were together and had been so for a bit then I would be a bit miffed, he could chill at yours or you at his but 8 dates in is nowhere near that stage in my opinion.
If I was him I wouldve said erm not sure let's see how my flight etc goes first, but then again if I was you I probably wouldn't have suggested seeing him the afternoon he gets back.
I would just leave it, assume you're probably not seeing him and then if you haven't made plans and you hear from him Saturday just respond with happy to do something chilled and easy if you're up for it, understand if youd prefer to raincheck it.
Just go with the flow at this stage and in this scenario.

Ok thanks for the advice! Seems sensible. I know I wouldn’t want to see him if the situation were reversed so rationally I do get it if he’s not up for it. I’ll keep quiet.