In this situation would you message to ask if the date is on?

[WanderingWally]

Been on about 8 dates, he went away for the week on Monday. On Sunday night we saw each other and he said oh it’s going to be a week before we see each other now... (I’m a jokey sort of way). I said we could see each other on Saturday afternoon when he flight gets in at 2pm. He said yes that would be good and I said let’s check nearer the time that it works for us.

It’s Wednesday and we’ve had one short phone call today but meeting Saturday wasn’t mentioned. We haven’t text while he’s away and I’m not about to.

I can’t assume Saturday afternoon is on as we haven’t arranged what time or where. But I’m not inclined to ask because I feel he should after I suggested it last time we met?

What would you do? If we don’t meet Saturday it will be at least another week before we can as I am working shifts from Sunday to the following Saturday!

What would you do?

If someone tells me let's check nearer the time after I already said yes, then it's up to them to "check" and let me know.

This.

As far as I’m concerned in a situation like this, I’ve already said yes so it’s now down to the other person to confirm since they’re the one who’s unsure - it doesn’t matter who made the original suggestion.

You are over complicating this like anything. There was a half suggestion of a meeting which needs to be confirmed one way or the other. Who cares who asks? He's probably tied up with whatever he's doing in France and assumes you'll confirm since it was your suggestion. Even if it was his suggestion why not text and check? It could all have been sorted by the time you'd finished typing your OP.

Honestly unless you text 'i love you so much never leave me' or something the message you send is not going to change how he feels about you. If he wants to see you asking him isn't going to suddenly make him change his mind. If he doesn't it isn't going to either. It would mean you could plan your weekend though.

I know:

1. Send him a link to this thread.

1. See that cloud of dust? That was him, that was.

He's away and has been in touch. He arranges all of the dates. He said it would be lovely to see you Saturday. Honestly op I always stay cool at the beginning to protect myself but this sounds fine to me.

I would message "are we still on for Saturday? What time suits?" It's perfectly reasonable to want to sort your weekend plans and I would want to sound confident.

If he says no, not great but not The End. Then i would wait and see. He would need to arrange the next date with lots of notice - I wouldn't accept a date made after Tuesday.

I’d chill out about it - you’ve been on 8 dates - so still pretty new , he’s been away for a week , but has been in contact ( that’s good) Travelling is hard work even if he lands at 2 - he still needs to get out of the airport and home ... This is real life not Mills and Boon ... hopefully you’ll hear from him to confirm he’s back and you can go from there .. don’t over think it though .. if it’s meant to be you’ve got all the time in the world

He’s messaged more today to tell me about some boat trip he’s been on.

I really don’t know whether to mention it. I think it’s clear that I don’t need to write it off if we don’t meet, which is where I was at before posting.

That's nice. I wouldn't mention it.

Just chat to him and ask about his holiday.

Why would you write it off because he didn't meet you the day he lands on return from holiday?!

Far too angst ridden. You’ve only had a few dates. Just chill out.

I think I would feel he wasn’t bothered or excited to see me!

If you were a lovestruck teen and it was your first ever relationship then I would get it.
If he was my son I would advise he run.

Why not just ask him if its on???

Why is it always touted as he/she hasn't texted and I'm not going to be the first?

Just text, say planning my weekend, we seeing each other Saturday so I can plan around it.

He's only holiday and is still the one making all the effort to contact you. How can you possibly think he might not be interested?

Oh get over yourself!

He'd be coming home after a plane trip,even a short one involves quite a bit of hassle and tiredness.

You aren't texting him.
You aren't setting dates.
You said to meet up and then changed to we'll arrange it later, but are now refusing to do so.

If he's interested he needs to jump through all the hoops, but you don't even have to text ?

One of the things my partner of 17 months loved about me at the beginning was I just asked and suggested things as did he. He hated when women tried to hold back or play games or moan that he hadn't contacted them.You are grown ups. Maybe he forgot about Saturday. He phoned you on Tuesday I think that's keen. Maybe he thinks you're not interested in him as you haven't mentioned it again.
Just go for it. You have NOTHING to lose.

I don’t want him to feel obliged to though! If I ask him he will feel in an awkward position as he’s obviously available and the only reason he wouldn’t is because he’s tired or can’t be bothered. That’s why I feel he should suggest it and if he doesn’t I should just leave him to it.

If he doesn't want to he'll say no

Just ask him

So just send a message as has been suggested above and say something like "Do you fancy meeting on Saturday then or do you think you'll be too tired from the journey home?". I'm well known for over thinking stuff but even my brain is hurting at all this. I think you're making it a lot more complicated in your head than it actually is. Just text. He'll either be keen to meet up or he won't be, at least then you'll know and you can plan your weekend.

Why would he feel pressured because you're doing what what you said you will do and checking/sorting it out later?

Maybe you should end it,you're obviously not ready to date or state what you want when you want it.

OMG I’m with everyone else. I don’t like to chase either but this isn’t being overseen! He said he won’t get to see you for a week which sounds like he was but gutted for the thought. Just message him and say “just wondering if you’re still up for Sat? No probs if you’re going to be too tired”

I think in honesty I’m trying to protect myself as I will feel like he’s rejecting me if he says no... as a poster said above, if he doesn’t want to see me then he can’t be that bothered?!

If he’s still messaging you then ask. If he wanted to blow you out completely he’d not bother. Just ask.

Op - you sound like very hard work, very demanding and full of rules !
I think this guy is in a no win situation whatever he does !

I think in honesty I’m trying to protect myself as I will feel like he’s rejecting me if he says no..

I thought that was the case. You're definitely not ready for dating. That is your issue not his and you need to work on it .
He's allowed to say no, especially in the circumstances. If you keep this mindset, you'll either sabotage all future relationships, or be very vulnerable to a love bombing abusive prick.