In this situation would you message to ask if the date is on?

[WanderingWally]

Been on about 8 dates, he went away for the week on Monday. On Sunday night we saw each other and he said oh it’s going to be a week before we see each other now... (I’m a jokey sort of way). I said we could see each other on Saturday afternoon when he flight gets in at 2pm. He said yes that would be good and I said let’s check nearer the time that it works for us.

It’s Wednesday and we’ve had one short phone call today but meeting Saturday wasn’t mentioned. We haven’t text while he’s away and I’m not about to.

I can’t assume Saturday afternoon is on as we haven’t arranged what time or where. But I’m not inclined to ask because I feel he should after I suggested it last time we met?

What would you do? If we don’t meet Saturday it will be at least another week before we can as I am working shifts from Sunday to the following Saturday!

What would you do?

Dear god! Send him a text saying "Oh we forgot to talk about meeting up on Saturday..are you still on for it ? " He said YES before . Just be normal - no tests , no game playing !

I would text saying ‘we pencilled in perhaps seeing each other on Saturday, but you might be just wanting to just get sorted and relax after your trip? Either is cool, be great to see you but if not we can arrange another time 😊’

I am always tired and stressed after plane travel, even very short haul. I wouldn’t want to go on a date. But might have prevaricated because of the new relationship. Flight out would have told me it was non runner.

I would be hopeful,that you would just forget about it. You can wait an extra week. It’s not that long.

Just message him. What are you worrying about, that a message from you would put him off? Or more that you shouldn't have to be the one to message? Either way, bit daft. It shouldn't matter.

I'd say 'we forgot to talk about Saturday, let me know if you want to do something. I'll understand if you're too shattered though, can catch up next weekend instead'.

Op, you were worrying about this as early as Tuesday when you said you’d confirm later in the week. Relax

His on holiday.

More than likely forgot

I wouldn't wanna see someone iv had 8 dates with, on the afternoon i fly home.

Don't take it, as his not interested
You are only 8 dates in.

It will be, what it will be

I haven't read the full thread but your OP reads as though you might be giving him mixed messages.

I said we could see each other on Saturday afternoon when he flight gets in at 2pm. He said yes that would be good and I said let’s check nearer the time that it works for us.

You made a suggestion and he said yes. But then you wobbled about it. This sort of thing could well leave him not knowing what you want.

It’s Wednesday and we’ve had one short phone call today but meeting Saturday wasn’t mentioned. We haven’t text while he’s away and I’m not about to.

Why wouldn't you text him? Why didn't one of you mention meeting Saturday? Who called who today?

Bottom line: This is all sounding a bit too much like hard work. I think you need to decide what you want and take it from there. It sounds like you don't know where you stand at the moment and are second guessing all the time, but actually, you don't have to put yourself in this position. If it's not working for you, maybe he's not for you?

If it was me, I'd decide upfront what I wanted from him and be straight about that. If you want more and he doesn't, then he's not a match for you.

I thought it was better to confirm later in the week when we knew what time was best etc

So confirm it. Dont play games and second guess things. Just ask him

You made the suggestion, he agreed to it and then you made turned it into something vague.

Just ask and stop playing games.

I don't understand why relationships or potential relationships have to be so complicated and full of games these days.

If you are unsure as to what is happening, just ask, it's so simple to do. It doesn't half make life easier.

@PhilCornwall1 I would agree however you often don't get a straight answer.

It's easy if you don't get a straight answer though isn't it? As far as I'd be concerned, no plans would have been made, so no meet up.

Yeah I'm not getting this either, you wouldn't wish to meet him in this situation but seem to think if he doesn't want to meet you it means he's not interested. You've only been on eight dates, he's been away a week, who the hell wants to go on a date as soon as they fly back other than major desperados.

He obviously doesn't want to offend you, but honestly even suggesting it was not that great.

This all seems very familiar.

you suggested it but then put the brakes on, so now No One Knows the plan.
text him and ask him if he wants to, or let him off if he feels he cannot.
it is No Big Deal

God you sound like hard work. Just text him if you want to see him! Ask him if you're still on or not

If someone tells me let's check nearer the time after I already said yes, then it's up to them to "check" and let me know.

If no mention is made, I might send a text the day before to check myself but that's because I have slight issues about knowing what's happening or when , plus with a child and a billion other things to sort I need to know in advance about things.

I don't think she's hard work based on this. She knows in reality he's not stepping up and it's making her insecure. It's certainly not up to her to message him. Such bad advice on here. He's not excited about her at all. There's a small chance she could pull it back but not by pursuing him by getting super busy with her life and dating others until one is really stepping up. It's not about playing games it's about only loving those that love you.

@toomanyleggings he's arranged most the dates. She suggested this one then withdrew the suggestion. How's he supposed to know what that means?

I agree with pp saying that OP is making things more complicated than necessary

OP you asked him to meet and he said yes. Then you pulled back and said let’s check nearer the time/later in week. To me that would mean checking in Friday or even Saturday before the flight. It would indicate you might also not be sure you can/want to me.

Also since you pulled back to vague plans he might be waiting for you to confirm. I don’t see how him not bringing it up means he is not interested-by that logic he might think YOU are not interested. You have some good suggestions of texts to send from pp’s that will let you know where things stand and stop all the angst

If you have suggested it originally then just drop it into the conversation...

If I was him I would be thinking we were still meeting and just confirm any set details a day or 2 before 🤷🏻‍♀️I would casually mention it, do you still want to meet up Saturday? No problem if not, I know you must be tired from your trip but it's just so I can plan my day - all either said nicely or text with an smiley emoji or something so he knows you're not being funny about it.

Even if not it doesn't mean he doesn't like you, I don't think you need to worry about it being downhill from here if it doesn't go ahead. Think logically and go with the most likely answer first, tired, didn't want to upset etc. If you don't meet and he doesn't go back to normal communication, that would be the time to start thinking he's not that interested.

I think I might just leave it. If he wanted to he could ask and if he’s feeling rubbish after a flight he may not then want to meet anyway.

I do feel disappointed as the fact he’s not mentioned it or suggested a different date does say to me he’s not interested. That said he actually text me some photos last night of the trip which was nice. Who knows!

It was you who arranged and then half-cancelled!

You’ve only spent a few hours together. He’s off enjoying his time away. You need to take a step back.