In this situation would you message to ask if the date is on?

[WanderingWally]

Been on about 8 dates, he went away for the week on Monday. On Sunday night we saw each other and he said oh it’s going to be a week before we see each other now... (I’m a jokey sort of way). I said we could see each other on Saturday afternoon when he flight gets in at 2pm. He said yes that would be good and I said let’s check nearer the time that it works for us.

It’s Wednesday and we’ve had one short phone call today but meeting Saturday wasn’t mentioned. We haven’t text while he’s away and I’m not about to.

I can’t assume Saturday afternoon is on as we haven’t arranged what time or where. But I’m not inclined to ask because I feel he should after I suggested it last time we met?

What would you do? If we don’t meet Saturday it will be at least another week before we can as I am working shifts from Sunday to the following Saturday!

What would you do?

But panic doesn’t that mean it’s better to leave it to him to ask? And if he doesn’t then he doesn’t!

@WanderingWally just leave him be. You've done more than enough to show your interest. You've had sex with him for a start and you've suggested meeting rather than leaving it a week. What's he doing? Sending you a pic of a boat? Who cares?! Men don't need anywhere near this much encouragement if they like you.
Were you seeing him at Christmas @WanderingWally ? If so did he gift you? Did you spend NY together?

Yes had a gift, didn’t spent new year together as I was on holiday.

I’m torn between asking because I’d rather know if he’s not interested and leaving it and seeing how it pans out

I fully believe the reason there is so many single women in the world is because for some reason they don't want to text first.
Stop been a child and message him.
No game playing just send the message.
I don't want to be harsh but this is all about you and your fears - is it not possible he has the same fears and wants as you.
He rang you from his trip for gods sake, he didn't have to.
You don't get anywhere in life by not been proactive.
Seriously just drop him a text.
Ignore anyone who tells you not to because it's not helpful advice. It's the way you loose people because you think they should make all the effort.
If he can't meet this week then you make a plan for next week. Just because someone isn't immediately available to you doesn't mean they are not interested.

@WanderingWally what was the gift? You won't know anyway if you ask because he may just say yes because it's easy not because he's excited about you. That's how you get strung along for months by making it super easy.

Argh this is my conflict. I don’t know what to do!

The gift was nothing special as we had only known each other two weeks then

Ignore @toomanyleggings. She's just come on here to be nasty. He's made all the effort even though he's been on holiday. He's into you.
Just ask him.
If he says no you know and you can have a night out with the girls.

If he says yes happy days.

When the fuck did "you still wanna meet up" become the same as super easy?

Argh this is my conflict. I don’t know what to do!

There is no conflict, because you are overthinking things. It's only been 8 dates, if he claimed he's crazy in love then that's when you should worry. It's not a relationship yet, no matter what games you play or what tests you give him it won't guarantee one, or that he'll fall heads over heels. It could become something,it could not...you overthinking it won't change the outcome of that. You're not protecting yourself, you're causing yourself harm with all the anxiety and angst.

Text and ask him, if you do want to see him Saturday. It's that simple.

Ok but why is that better than waiting to see if he texts about it?

I do kind of agree with @toomanyleggings sorry. Going by my own previous experience he would ask if interested.

Don't do what I did, ask and get strung along and rejected

Yeah that’s good I guess I could do that! Doesn’t get me anywhere with knowing if he’s bothered though?

Because it's healthier and better for you to be proactive, to have some control, to ask for what you want instead of just waiting for things to happen to you, or judging your worth /leaving your feelings in the hands of others.

Ok but why is that better than waiting to see if he texts about it?

Because he's making all the effort and if he was acting the way you are everyone would be telling him you're not interested.

Dont say that as that looks like you are trying to.fob him off!

He has asked for some of the dates but so have I! I would say it’s been about 50/50 on the suggesting a date front.

And this time you asked him and he said yes and you half cancelled so it's up to you to reinstate the date.

He's made all the effort while he's been away. He clearly thinks about you and wants to talk to you etc.

If you say I suppose you aren't up for Saturday he may think you don't want to! Then he will agree and you won't know anyway.

If he says actually no then I know my default reaction will be that he’s not into this.

I’m used to very very forward men who make it clear they want me.

He has made it clear for the last week! What do you want him to do? Send a helicopter with a banner on the back telling you a time and place to meet him?

I am not being nasty. I say it from a
place of experience. My own experience and because I work in this area. The weeding out process is every bit as important as meeting the right man. You have to give him the space to show you so you can make an informed decision if he's the right guy. Asking him questions will give you words. Words don't mean anything. His actions will show you everything you need to know if you lean back and let things flow

@toomanyleggings work in what area, exactly? What's your job?

He arranges most the dates. He's contacted her while he's on holiday. He's proving he's interested.

I’m used to very very forward men who make it clear they want me.

Well they can't have been that good for you,or suitable since you're not with them.

Maybe what you're used to is not the right thing for you. Give it a go at trying something new, like being an equally involved and active dating/relationship partner.

If you’re going to speak again on the phone can’t you just ask him how’s he’s feeling about meeting on Saturday? But sounds like you can’t/won’t accept the possibility that he might not feel like it but that might not mean anything significant!