Should I get a vasectomy

[Flower8919]

What do you think about vasectomies? Do you think if you are in a marriage and don’t want any more kids it is fair for the man to get a vasectomy or should the woman continue to stay on brith control? If the man gets a vasectomy and for some reason the relationship goes wrong. There is then no chance of having kids with another partner.

inwood if your DH is put off by the thought of it his GP can prescribe valium (low dose - 10mg or something) to be taken on the morning of the procedure. From personal experience, I bet he wouldn't even care if they took him to a back alley and started hacking away with a rusty saw blade

It's up to the hcp to suggest them not you hormonal contraception is a medical decision you cant just go on and say I want this or that its if it suits you medically

Put simply the wrong contraceptives can kill or at least harm you (i was taken off before due to medical concerns) and in that case the doctor told me to keep my legs crossed

Experiment with forms of sexual intimacy that don't involve piv intercourse. There is a bit of modern human sexual dysfunction that makes piv sex the holy grail of sex, but actually it's really not.

I really wouldn't get a vasectomy if you don't feel comfortable with one, but equally she shouldn't just stay on hormonal birth control if she doesn't wish to either.

I know there is a potential injection being R&D'd which would block your pipes, make you temporarily infertile (for a number a years before another one is needed) that is also reversible in and of itself. It also has the benefit of being non-hormonal so thusly it's kinda ideal for your situation.

I had a vasectomy aged 33 after the birth of our 2nd child and it's one of the best decisions i have made.

My wife was on the pill for over a decade and when we decided to start trying for our first child it took about 18 months for her system to settle enough for us to conceive. It was quite shocking to both of us the toll that had been taken on her body so hormonal BC was off the table after the birth of our first.

It is quite liberating for both of us not to have to think about contraception and I feel like i have made a really positive impact on my relationship with my wife by taking responsibility for that area of our lives.

If my wife and I broke up then i don't want any more children, the ones i have won't magically disappear and they deserve just as much attention as they get from me now.

What a wonderful way to look at it @AdventureMathmatical. I really hope my Dp ends up thinking in the same way.

Thanks very much for your comments.

It seems a lot of men have had a vasectomy quite young. It just seems like a very daunting process and feels like I am being pressured into it but I don’t really see an alternative.

I understand having non piv sex is an option but I couldn’t do that permanently!!

I've had one, you go for a consultation and one of the main points is "Are you doing this for you, because you definitely don't want any more children or for your partner?"

They wouldn't be happy doing one for you if have doubts, they may even refuse.

I took 3-4 years to decide and when I did, I did it because I was comfortable with it.

As for reversible, that's not the advice given by the NHS, you should treat it as permanent.

Your body your choice right?

For you I think you need to look at condoms and explain that if one splits she can take emergency contraceptive. That is what we have been doing for 7 years with no scares or map needed

Has she thought about the depo injection every 12 weeks. I can't have estrogen forms of contraception due to health reasons but this is progesterone only and suits me very well.

How old do you feel would be old enough, OP? At what point would you feel that you either wouldn't want to have more children yourself or wouldn't be able to bag a younger partner to conceive them for you?

Obviously it is your body, your choice. I think it is difficult for many men to understand the severity of side-effects of hormonal birth control for many women.

Are you willing to have that conversation with your wife--"I know that hormonal BC is having a bad effect on your health, but I might want to have children with another woman someday, so I'd rather that you kept taking the physical hit for BC for the next 10 years, thanks"? Do you think that would go over well?

Oh, and I agree with Patellar. It is not appropriate for you to ask advice on behalf of your wife from random people on the internet about what medication she should take. She should discuss that with her HCP (and others) and decide what is best for her body.

We've been using condoms for 7 years. I used birth control from 18-30, had two pregnancies and births and a MC I have done my bit....but I'd never put pressure on DH to have it done despite knowing he's done with babies too.

It’s very permanent, reversals are notoriously difficult.

Just suppose you split and wanted more children with someone else?

The obvious thing is, if something went "wrong" with our birth control choice then we have a big decision ahead, but none are 100%

cousinkrispy you are right that would not be a very good conversation and is what I am trying to avoid. I understand BC is difficult for women but at least it isn’t permanent. That’s what is daunting about the vasectomy. If there was a male BC I would take it but unfortunately there isn’t yet.

loveyoutothemoon thank you for the comment. I haven’t heard about the depo injection before but it does sound promising!

Quartz I think you maybe be right. If we can’t find another option we will have to usencondoms and at least there are measures if they split. It sounds great that it has worked for you guys for so long!

I think some posters are a bit harsh on the op. At the end of the day his wife could end up leaving him and she'd still have the option of having children with a new partner.
I wish there was more contraceptive options for men and I'd love for my Dp to have a vasectomy in the future. But it's got to be his decision and he needs to be certain he's making it for the right reasons.
There is options for female sterilisation too and his wife could look into that.

Honestly OP there are things you need to weigh up here.

The two of you aren't having more kids - you're both happy, together, with what you have. There's no intention of having more.

Is your relationship permanent? - you keep asking what if you split. Is this your intent? Or are you planning on being together forever?

Can you live without sex? - condom failures are a very real fear for her. She's had this happen before and emergency contraception isn't 100%. Neither of you want an unplanned pregnancy, no one wants an abortion. Declining sex with you could very well be how this ends.

Do you feel as though it's time to do your bit? - She's been the one managing birth control and the one who's had the babies. She's put her body through a lot to get your family where you are today. Do you think you can give up your ability to have children to make your relationship work?

Have you talked to her about getting sterilised? - This is an option. It will be brought back to the fact that she has already done so much. But if you both feel so strongly about your positions here, this is a conversation worth having.

I wouldn't be as much of a bitch firm as another poster has been, but as a women with children your Mrs will have a good idea of what contraception is available to her and that really is down to her to discuss with her HCP. But it sounds like she's done with it.

My DDad had a vasectomy at 33. DH had one at 37.

The difference to my body & mental health was huge after coming off birth control & I am a much happier healthier woman as a result.

Both my DDad & DH were happy to take their turn taking responsibility for the family.

DDad went back to work the following day.

DH took 3 days off.

Thanks for your comments everyone.

I honestly wish I could say yes I will have a vasectomy but I really don’t feel comfortable doing it right now and not sure when I will.

We don’t want to have any more kids together as we have decided two is enough and I of course don’t plan to split up with her as I love her.

But as the vasectomy is permanent I have to at least consider those things.

I also honestly couldn’t live without sex. I know it seems a typical man thing to say but I think it is very important in a relationship and not sure what I will do if she starts refusing. I hope it’s not going to come to that though.

I am just realy sad it is coming to this

I had mine after my second child with my then wife (divorced now). I was late 30s.
ExW felt I should have waited longer, (although she didn’t tell me until after the divorce!), but I was sure I wouldn’t want any more children so it wasn’t a hard decision at the time and not one I’ve regretted.

Looking at the potential cons, I guess you might consider:

1. It’ll close off potential relationships (with women still wanting kids) if you and your DW split up at some point

2. There are a small percentage of recorded examples of men getting pain after the operation. In some it goes after a few months, for others it hasn’t gone away at all.

3. If you and your DW change your mind and want kids later it’ll be more difficult and potentially be expensive (reversals and harvesting sperm from your testes isn’t covered on the NHS).

I don’t think there’ve been any reports of a drop in testosterone post-op, but there’s always a chance you might get a psychological hang-up about it and feel “less of a man” because you’d be infertile. I think that’s more likely if you’ve not bought in to the idea, so just make sure you’re sure before you go for it.

The positives for you are knowing you’ve removed that burden from your DW and the freedom of no longer needing condoms whilst you’re with her.

Thanks for the reply @ironman1401. Much appreciated.

If you want a better understanding of all the contraceptive options nhs explain them here

But they wont tell you about the time my coil got pulled out during sex and i had to have an internal scan to check if everything was still ok.

Or the woman who bled non stop on their hormonal contraception

Honestly from what i know of tge vasectomy the actually real life risks are way less than any female contraception.

Side issue re the Depo. It can be fantastic BUT it can be horrific. So Dont ever go straight for the depo as it is a devil to get you dont suit it. Depo has similar homones (but a much stronger dose) to the progesterone only "mini pill". Try this first. If that suits the depo is worth trying.

I do suit the depo and it has mostly been fab

BUT if your having doubts on the " "permenacy" of vasectomy bear in mind getting off the depo can be pretty horrific. Ive tried twice its taken over six months of hormonal hell, in both cases ive given up and gone straight back on. The recovery time of a vasectomy reversal would most likely have been way shorter and less traumatic.

It isn’t a big decision and you are wise to give it thought. It might be worth exploring your thoughts with a counsellor for a couple of sessions to get your mind straight?

I have to say that having a husband with a vasectomy and not being on any form of birth control has been one of the most liberating things for our relationship. We are basically at it whenever we get the chance. But it won’t fix a relationship if you have concerns.

I have also had relationships which have been without PIV sex for long periods because of contraception issues. It’s not the end of the world.