Should I get a vasectomy

[Flower8919]

What do you think about vasectomies? Do you think if you are in a marriage and don’t want any more kids it is fair for the man to get a vasectomy or should the woman continue to stay on brith control? If the man gets a vasectomy and for some reason the relationship goes wrong. There is then no chance of having kids with another partner.

Thank you everyone. It is becoming a big problem as we seem to have got to a place where neither of us want to move. She has mentioned before if we can’t decide then we just have to stop having sex but I think that would be terrible and don’t want to sound dramatic but could potentially lead to the Beginning of the end of our marriage.

I love her and of course never want to end the relationship I think I have to consider the possibility as we are young and the vasectomy just feels like a very permanent thing.

We have been married for over 30 years. We had 2 boys in our 20s. When our youngest was about 2 we discussed vasectomy as we'd decided we didn't want anymore children. We had an appointment to discuss with our GP in October half term 1998.

Two weeks before the appointment our youngest son died in an accident. I don't want to go into details here, but, it was a very traumatic time for us all ( and still is at times for me and my wife after over 20 years ).

We went on to have a daughter and this was the absolutley best thing we did out of a terrible situation. When our daughter reached 5 we decided to go ahead with a vasectomy as I was nearly 40 and we'd both decided we did not want anymore children.

I'm in my 50s now and this was the best decision for us. I don't regret it and I think it's the best solution if you are sure your baby days are over.

If we'd gone ahead and had the vasectomy before our son had died and couldn't have another child, well I don't want to think of the trauma and angst that that situation would of caused.

I'd say you're both still quite young. I'd wait a few years and then have another think about what you both want at that time.

girlonit how is the implant? I know it is different for every woman but do you think that is something that she could do that would be better? She is on the pill at the moment.

Reversal of vasectomy is not NHS and you will have to pay for it if you are in the UK.

Sorry posted too soon. I think, and this is what I've told my Dp to think about.
How sure is he that if we split up or something happened to me, that he wouldn't want anymore children. Taking into consideration he'll still have our two and a new partner may have her own or none and really want them.

I know I'm 100% that I don't want more, even if I split from Dp and meet someone else, if he wanted children I'd end things.

@ironman1401. I hope I don’t derail this, but what were the emotional and physical after effects of your vasectomy? I would like my DH to have one (early 50s and we’ve been caught out by a late middle aged pregnancy/miscarriage)
but he is reluctant. I think he feels that he won’t be a complete man and his testosterone will disappear leaving him depressed and reaching for the biscuits.

OP - is this what you’re worried about?

how is the implant? I know it is different for every woman but do you think that is something that she could do that would be better? She is on the pill at the moment.

That is something your wife needs to discuss with her HCP, not you with some random on the internet.

The implant is yet more hormonal contraception. The only things that are not hormonal are the copper coil (which can make periods a lot heavier) and barrier methods like condoms.

There are many different types of pill. Some suit some better than others, some not at all.

We get it, you want her to continue to use contraception.

The two of you need to discuss this together, not you going online to find more contraception for her.

I wouldn’t do it at 30
Of course you hope relationships don’t fail but they can and do. Your wife could then go on to meet someone and have more and you wouldn’t

HCPs will, however, always push LARC on women. Every.single.one.ofthem. If you are using condoms, they will still push LARC. If your spouse has had a vasectomy, they will still push fucking LARC. But LARC is not suitable for every woman and again, that's for her to decide.

Sorry for your loss Ironman

You could have sperm frozen if you want a back up.

It can be reversed. It's more than 99% effective. It doesn't pump you with chemicals.

Once my implant expires later this year I'm done with pumping hormones into myself. I bet it's to blame for so many of my crazy moods and brain fog.

If I ever had sex again it'd be with man who had a vasectomy or condoms or both!

It’s ok @Flower8919. I was really bruised having it out in which shocked me and it makes my skin worse. Otherwise I haven’t had any bad side effects, but I do worry that I might still get pregnant so we use condoms as well. But that’s probably due to the two unplanned babies.

DH had one. DS was the result of contraceptive failure (I had been on the pill 10 years) and DD was conceived in the first month of trying. I had 2 difficult pregnancies, and 2 cesarians.

I had no interest in trying any more hormonal contraceptive (fear of it failing again) and couldn’t have the copper coil due to extremely heavy periods (the reason I went on the pill in the first place)

It was his turn

It was an option we both discussed, but it was a decision that he made. As it was his body.

Thanks for your replies and very sorry to hear that ironman

I know that it is her choice on what contraception she uses. I just wondered to get some information in case there were better alternatives that she hadn’t considered.

I’m just desperate to try and avoid this becoming a massive issue and birth control has worked up until now. I would happily use condoms but she doesn’t want that either and it seems the only option is for me to get a vasectomy or we don’t have sex.

Just wanted to get some opinions as to whether you think it’s possible to persuade her to maybe try other methods of birth control

It's also for a year in my case and if then Dp definitely doesn't want a vasectomy, then I'll need to think though my options. I don't want to take hormones for the rest of my child bearing years.

and it makes my skin worse.

The trial of the male pill was ended due to side effects in the men such as bad skin. Funny how women are conditioned to just put up with side effects but they're a dealbreaker for men.

DH had a vasectomy after our 4th and definitely last baby, he was 33 and definitely sure he wants no more babies. It's definitely been a life changer, the hormones in my contraception had given me a low libido, and DH had premature ejaculation - since having the vasectomy both issues have disappeared!

I know @PatellarTendonitis. I have hormonal skin anyway. It was lovely when I took yasmin though, but then I got Ds!
I'm going for regular facials and trying new skin care that seems to be helping. If it doesn't settle though I will have it removed.

I know that it is her choice on what contraception she uses. I just wondered to get some information in case there were better alternatives that she hadn’t considered.

SHE is the one who needs to get this information, NOT you. Do you think she's stupid? ANY HCP will be able to detail all the options to her.

Just wanted to get some opinions as to whether you think it’s possible to persuade her to maybe try other methods of birth control

Wow. Just fucking wow. You want to persuade her to keep pumping herself full of hormones she doesn't want or get a foreign object she might not want inserted into her body so you can keep squirting away but keep your options open.

It's not your place to persuade her or inform her of 'other options'.

@ErnestJones. Honestly, it was the best contraceptive decision we made. It's an easy operation, about 15mins. I was a little sore afterwards for about a week or so. I was a keen runner and triathlete at the time. I couldn't ride my bike ( for obvious reasons ! ). I could swim, but, running was a no no for a couple of weeks. I did run a PB at a half marathon 6 or 7 weeks after the op. I haven't had any physical problems at all. Emotionally, I was 40 wen I had the Op. Didn't want anymore children with anyone ( even if we split up or worse ). So it was an easy decision.

I've heard that some men can feel less ' manly ' if they have had the op. That hasn't been my experience.

It can be reversed.

" Vasectomy reversal is a complicated procedure that's not always guaranteed to work. "

" It's estimated that the success rate of a vasectomy reversal is: 75% if you have your vasectomy reversed within 3 years. up to 55% after 3 to 8 years. between 40% and 45% after 9 to 14 years "

www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/vasectomy-reversal-nhs/

Stbexh had one at 32, it is far more effective and non hormonal. Since we split (many years later) I'm back on birth control and it's messed me up, I think I'm going to have to rethink, new dp is screamish about going for the op!

it seems the only option is for me to get a vasectomy or we don’t have sex.
Not having penetrative sex is what it comes down to for women who get unpleasant side effects from contraception, with husbands who don't want more children or a vasectomy. My husband and I did non penetrative stuff most of the time, except at the least fertile points of my cycle when we used condoms. Then he had a vasectomy - it was brilliant for our sex life.

BTW you should start using condoms, even though she doesn't wany to rely on them, because doubling up on contraception is sensible anyway.

patellar

I am sorry. My wording wasn’t very good there. I just wanted to get a better understanding from women so that I’m not going into the conversation completely blind and have some alternatives that I could suggest.