Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I be worried

259 replies

jasminfh · 27/01/2020 16:13

I’ve been with my DH for 20 years, we have two children.
He has many female friends and is generally a tactile, friendly guy. I’ve been a bit suspicious of two of these friendships and looked on his phone. One is a woman he has known for over 30 years and who he swears is just a friend and that nothing has ever happened between then. He’s been hiding his phone from me so when I got an opportunity I had a look. They have been exacting messages for over a year and have definitely been more than friends in the distant past. They have sent each other photos, talked about me and her husband, talked about the past and what they want to do now. I know he can’t have actually seen her, she lives far away and he hasn’t been anywhere without me but this isn’t right, is it? They talk about dtd, their fantasies but also everyday stuff too. He’s being unfaithful isn’t he?

OP posts:
Marshmello · 31/01/2020 09:59

His only option with you was zero contact with her. The only fair way.

Marshmello · 31/01/2020 10:00

How can he have a friend he sends pictures of his dick to? And gets turned on by looking at pictures of her ... ? Wtf?

Marshmello · 31/01/2020 10:00

Or just say that's cool and I'm going to get myself a friend too. ?

Hanab · 31/01/2020 10:06

Gosh OP! Do what meeds to be done! DO NOT back down .. many on MN are backing you 100% .. keep strong and don’t let him make you feel like YOU have the wrong end of the stick🌷

Alfiemoon1 · 31/01/2020 10:08

I wonder how he would feel about you having a male friend you were sending explicit messages and pictures to?

He has crossed the boundaries of this being a friendship and he knows but doesn’t want to give it up it hence why he’s gaslighting you

Marshmello · 31/01/2020 10:44

Yes say would you be ok with me sending ousts pics to my old friend? And going to meet him in a hotel? Please ask him that. We want to know the answer. ... :( xxx

Marshmello · 31/01/2020 10:44

Sending pussy pics!!!!

Marshmello · 31/01/2020 10:44

(Autocorrect cleaned up my act 😂)

GiveHerHellFromUs · 31/01/2020 11:01

@Marshmello that's such a grim word, well done your autocorrect 😂

Original poster
jasminfh · 31/01/2020 11:10

I’ve done it just now. I’ve sent the messages to her husband. Now I’m waiting for the explosion. I feel horrible about doing it in reality but if I was him I would want to know.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 31/01/2020 11:13

He is deluded.

Of course it's not acceptable to send another woman messages like that. And everyone may not agree with me, but I also think good for you for sending them her husband.

Keep packing his stuff and shut the door behind him. What an arsehole. He's just upset he's been caught with his dirty little secret. And shame on him trying to make out it's all in your head. Appalling behaviour made even worse.

I hope you are getting some real-life support too. Flowers

Anthia · 31/01/2020 11:16

Thinking of you OP, you must be so churned up, we're here for you! Flowers

Greenkit · 31/01/2020 11:17

[Flowers]

GiveHerHellFromUs · 31/01/2020 11:18

I'd want to know too. You've done the right thing, and with evidence so she can't convince him you've got an agenda.

Alfiemoon1 · 31/01/2020 11:24

You have done the right thing sending it to her husband he has a right to know

bluebell34567 · 31/01/2020 11:25

vowww, well done jasminfh.
how did you send? do you know his contact details?

TheReef · 31/01/2020 12:30

Well done... I'd want to know if you other half sending those types of messages

Pollypocket952 · 31/01/2020 12:36

Well done OP. Awful situation but I would have done the same.

Pollypocket952 · 31/01/2020 12:39

This >>>

I think he is planning to meet her. This morning he casually mentioned that she will be in our city for work next month and that she has suggested they get together for coffee to catch up as they’ve not seen each other for a long time. He wanted to know what I thought about him meeting her.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!?!?!

How dare he bring this up like it's just a casual meeting of friends.

Vile cheating fuck.

Pinkette06 · 31/01/2020 12:51

Well done op. The husband deserves to know too

Moondancer73 · 31/01/2020 13:17

Plainly there is more to it than just 'friends' being he has now changed his passwords. Well done for calling him out on his awful behaviour and for sending the pictures to her husband. They're both way out of line here

Booboooo · 31/01/2020 13:23

You did the right thing

XJerseyGirlX · 31/01/2020 14:40

Op this must be so hard for you. Be ready for the fall out now of how you've cause world war 3, when in reality they have done this. He will try to blame you. The fact that he won't give you their cleanly non platonic friendship for you speaks volumes. Please don't play the pick me dance ( not that I'm saying you will ) keep your head held high and remember you've done nothing wrong x

XJerseyGirlX · 31/01/2020 14:41

Give up their friendship that was meant to say

LittleWing80 · 31/01/2020 15:38

There you go! I was waiting for him to feed you the ‘I am allowed to have friends with benefits line‘! So predictable!
So presumably he also sends all his male friends the same type of messages and he is ok with you doing that too?
I am so sorry OP but also glad you are taking back control of the situation and ruining his fun before he even consumed it. Please go through with the solicitor appointment 💐