Should I be worried

[jasminfh]

I’ve been with my DH for 20 years, we have two children.
He has many female friends and is generally a tactile, friendly guy. I’ve been a bit suspicious of two of these friendships and looked on his phone. One is a woman he has known for over 30 years and who he swears is just a friend and that nothing has ever happened between then. He’s been hiding his phone from me so when I got an opportunity I had a look. They have been exacting messages for over a year and have definitely been more than friends in the distant past. They have sent each other photos, talked about me and her husband, talked about the past and what they want to do now. I know he can’t have actually seen her, she lives far away and he hasn’t been anywhere without me but this isn’t right, is it? They talk about dtd, their fantasies but also everyday stuff too. He’s being unfaithful isn’t he?

You're doing brilliantly @jasminfh. The anger will come. It's a smart idea to sort out the logistics before it does.

having been in a similar situation myself I found the most hurtful thing to be the fact that despite it hurting me and upsetting the family we to have been married 20 years his refusal to give his new friendship up he was prioritising that over us all I would of had more respect if he had held his hands up apologised admitted things got out of hand but like your dh it was ok as it wasn’t physical I at times wished it had as then at least he would of gained something for the mess he created

I think you are doing the right thing part of me wishes I had ended my marriage even though we are happy I will never trust him the same and get triggered by situations to my knowledge there was no sexting In my case more of an unrequited crush obsession on his part and when asked to cut contact he numerous times agreed but just got better at hiding it

I think you are doing so well Jasmin despite the awful circumstances you seem so level headed make sure you look after yourself I was like that functioning on adrenaline then it just crashed

@jasminfh I'm confused, you posted in October last year saying you were divorced a year and had been ghosted by someone you'd admitted to liking...

weejo
OP explained this confusion in her post on Wednesday 29th.

@maras2 ok was she posting on behalf of someone else then?

Yes she was

Do you know which dates she is coming to your hometown?

Have you heard back from her H?

I was wondering about the date also. I think he is biding his time until their assignation, at which time he and OW will likely make decisions. I’m glad that OP has already made the best decision for her and her DC.

How are you