Should I be worried

[jasminfh]

I’ve been with my DH for 20 years, we have two children.
He has many female friends and is generally a tactile, friendly guy. I’ve been a bit suspicious of two of these friendships and looked on his phone. One is a woman he has known for over 30 years and who he swears is just a friend and that nothing has ever happened between then. He’s been hiding his phone from me so when I got an opportunity I had a look. They have been exacting messages for over a year and have definitely been more than friends in the distant past. They have sent each other photos, talked about me and her husband, talked about the past and what they want to do now. I know he can’t have actually seen her, she lives far away and he hasn’t been anywhere without me but this isn’t right, is it? They talk about dtd, their fantasies but also everyday stuff too. He’s being unfaithful isn’t he?

he hasn’t actually said he wants to see her

He did, he asked you if he could see her

He wanted to know what I thought about him meeting her.

Perhaps you should just say you dont think it appropriate for them to meet and see how he reacts

I’m really struggling with the messages. I’ve been reading them all afternoon. He messages her in the morning, early and she responds almost immediately. Then they chat through the day, there’s hardly been a day when they haven’t spoken for over a year, even when we have been away on holiday. I’m going to ask him about her later.

I'm sorry you are going through this, @jasminfh.

@jasminfh, so sorry that you are in this situation. I’ve been there and it’s horrendous. Xx

You absolutely need to say something as he is now about to meet someone he discusses sleeping with - the intention is there and he will do it.

If you were to do what I think you should, you should leave. But I appreciate easier said than done and the least you ought to do (as I think you know) is confront him.

You need to speak to him but also have copies or screenshots of the messages as he may deny or minimise them.
I wouldn’t be happy with the level of contact between them without the sexting stuff that has been going on between them

He's having an emotional affair

Of course you are struggling. This is a deep betrayal. They have developed intimacy, and he is prioritizing her everyday, from early morning on.

He will minimize, so you need to tell him that you know everything. He needs to face the consequences of his infidelity.

You still need to get the screen shots op because as soon as you confront him he'll shut you out of everything and if it came to lawyers it would be your word against his.

Do you know how to get the screen shots on a pc? (I'm not being patronising as I only learned myself recently).

He’s just got home. I’m going to talk to him soon.

Good luck. We're here if you need to talk or rant or just think 'out loud'.

You can take photos with your phone.

Good luck op

I have done exactly that, screenshot and taken photos with my phone. I’m preparing myself to talk to him.

Good luck @jasmin

I live far away, but am thinking of you.

Good luck, and stay strong.

I would not accept any lame excuses like “I’ve been stressed” or any deflections such as “You’ve been distant,” etc. If he had issues, he could have worked on them in an ethical way instead of lying and cheating.

Before I do this I just wanted to say thank you for all your support. You have no idea what it’s meant to me today.

Good luck OP, hope it goes ok.

Thinking of you

Good luck, thinking of you

good luck OP.. and remember YOU deserve better than this..