Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Flexfits are fab ! Never had the need to use during sex but would defo work.

@leavebeforethelightscomeon I know exactly how you feel and I think you're right to feel like that and hang on for someone you know you really like. I was OLD for 2.5 years and had lurked on here for a loooong time and I learned so much from everyone's advice and it got me to the point where I could happily bin off men who I knew weren't right for me, weren't that into me or were displaying red flags, however tiny. I've now FINALLY met the man where I just know I adore him and I know how he feels about me too. It took such a lot of sifting through shit but I'm glad I had the patience to do it and the boundaries in place to ditch all the dross.

Yeay @tigerdater! I think at our time of life we have completely different expectations. I have no hope of that instant attraction thing. I don't trust chemistry that much, it's a fickle thing and can come with totally inappropriate people. Not looking at you Mr U... give it a go at least. If you can fend off the neediness...

@marlbs I think the lack of card etc is fine . If it was 6 months into your newly defined relationship with him then less so. You both need to emotionally and practically readjust. That will take time!

Actually both your situations is more what I'd expect, a long term FWB slowly turning into something. Then you know it's genuine, you didn't just go for the first suitable person who came along.

Re periods... very timely. I'm in menopause and on HRT but I have to have a bleed every 4-6 weeks but I can time it to when suits me although the prebleed depression and post bleed BV made it a pain when I was dating. The whole process takes about 2 weeks. Anyway I woke up this morning and immediately flooded the bed. It poured out, went through a sheet and a waterproof protector and soaked the mattress. There was a puddle sitting on the sheet. I've now got quite bad period pain. I've got no one to tell in real life ( as with so much) and not sure what to do. Apart from wash the sheets etc obvs.

While writing this I had the briefest of brief thoughts of what if I had a partner but in my experience they'd have looked at me in utter disgust and told me to clean it up. And I wonder why I'm emotionally unavailable.

And came downstairs and one of the cars had done a runny poo right in the middle of a shag pile rug. I know which one by the guilty expression..

Sorry that was just an off load. I'm tired and uncomfortable and a bit worried. My house is filthy. Got loads of studying. Meh.

That's really tough @unambiguousbeard Can anything be done to reduce heaviness?

What I don't like about being single and an expat is that everyone in my life is more important to me than I am to them because they have partners, families etc. Need to change that this year.

I hate mornings like that, @unambiguousbeard - you wake up and you're immediately behind. Ugh. I hope you're feeling ok physically? That's bound to take it out of you.

Mr G is still in the country, though we haven't seen each other during the week. He's booked a room so we will get together later today and spend some time together tomorrow before the new week begins. He is so sweet and funny, and I enjoy his company immensely. I like it when we're in the same time zone.

I hear you, @saltysally.

@unambiguousbeard, that sounds exhausting for you - I ended up having an ablation as I became really anaemic; before that I took tranexamic acid which did help a bit on the worse days..

@saltysally, I hear you, too - I am a single parent + only child, with half my family in the US...everyone close to me is hugely important but sometimes I feel I am just a little cog in their life machine.

@perfectpretender, have fun!

Mr boat has asked if I would like to meet for a coffee or drink sometimes as he is not keen on texting too much

I am supposed to be working on some papers that need assessing..this is far more interesting!

@saltysally I don't think that's just because you're an ex pat. In the last year my parents have gone from someone to lean on and talk to about my stuff to another two people to take care of. I do have "siblings" in the very loosest sense but if I told you about their issues it would be too outing. And not that interesting! But they don't offer any support/company/family for me or my kids who both bemoan their lack of cousins (though they do have them we just haven't seen them for over a year. They don't live far away either...anyway I think that's just the lot in life some of us have....

Yeah the bleeding is caused by the hrt though probably and I don't want to come off that until they pry it out of my aged, trembling, arthritic hands...I'll have to research it all and decide what to do. Just annoying really and more sodding mess!

unambiguous that flooding thing is grim, I had it for a while but never without any warning. Try not to worry about it too much, it won’t last for too much longer.

Actually it’s the chemistry thing that made me realise I had to look for more, because of my 15 first dates on OLD (yes, I have a detailed log) I had the instant chemistry with 7, including Mr GN obviously. What’s different with him is all the other ‘character’ stuff, his openness in particular. And the fact he’s bloody crazy about me for some unknown reason, and lets me know!

Oh god and yes, tranaxemic acid is INCREDIBLE!

What I meant in my last post by talking about the 7/15 rate is that I’m easily pleased and the men picked up on that, so there was mutual chemistry. It’s nice but it doesn’t mean a great deal at all.

I moan all the time about never having anything to do and now someone wants to meet up...

Completely new iron- Mr Camera, early 20s. We've barely been speaking but he's said about meeting today. Do I go?

@shitwithsugaron you wouldn't have known. It's probably the first time I've mentioned it on here. x

LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn if you have nothing better to do and meeting doesn't involve a long trip, then why not go?
See it as a reason to get out of the house and meet a new friend. You never know!

TigerDater I thought I was the only one who kept a log of my dates! It's useful to go back and understand why there was no second date etc.

unambiguousbeard sorry to hear you're having a crap day. Hope it has improved a bit by now.

I don't believe instant chemistry is a must have. All I eliminate on that first date is whether I think there could be potential for something to grow. That potential itself has pretty specific criteria anyhow though. Of course its also a chance for them to decide if they want to see me again too!

Last night I tried to remember the names of some of the dates I had last year. I can barely remember any. It's not like I didn't like some of them or they didn't make a good impression. I just have a terrible memory

I bumped into Mr FO today. First time I've seen him since he dumped me by text then told me he missed me as a friend.

He tried to act like we were still friends. Happily chatting away about what he was doing. And asking me about my week.
I was struck dumb. Had no idea what to do or say. I just kept walking and muttered that I was fine and in a hurry.
Unfortunately we are likely to bump into each other fairly regularly so I need to get tough and tell him to get lost.

I have a date tonight but this morning's encounter has put me in a bad mood.

@EchoElephant that's true, I should make the most of my child free weekend. There's another couple I mentioned meeting up with too- I end up doing this and usually none of the dates happen anyway 😂

@unambiguousbeard fair enough. I get that. Even family aside, most Brits have some form of social circle from university or people they went to school with, or families from kids schools.

Sorry friends from kids schools. Not that they would probably see you as the same priority though so I went off on my own tangent...

Urgh, bloody hell, Mr Spa just cancelled tomorrow..
It’s my child free weekend 🙁

I don't have friends who predate having kids @saltysally i I have loads of friends through my kids but they're all coupled up and in families. Mostly I don't mind but it can get lonely sometimes and I worry what I'll do if I get ill etc I need an hysterectomy but am postponing as who will look after me?