Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@saltysally that sounds promising 🤞

You are all great

@supercali77 I properly laughed at that.

Meeting Friday week. I postponed the initial date and that's when we can meet next on non school night evening the next day 😊

You and me both @shitwithsugaron
There's no red flags at all and I've a fair instinct about people

I can't wait that long @saltysally!
So how the hell are you going to??

I'm sticking to my aim of not even meeting someone in real life by spending my childfree night in bed eating choc and reading. I'm not just emotionally unavailable currently.. very happy to be doing it too and having a vicarious love life via the thread.

No pressure ladeez

He's busy all of next weekend @unambiguousbeard so we will be through to Monday week before we know it. Then it's only 4 more days. 😁

@uncorrecteddoormat yes I think it's possible to learn to let people in. I've only just gotten to the point I can do that in the last few months. I used to just shut myself down to prevent from being hurt but then I was so lonely it broke me.

@UncorrectedDoormat I have been thinking about how we express love because me and mr r have not said we love each other but he acts like it and has suggested dates later on in the year so is hoping to stick around. When I split with ex I read about the love languages and we have different ways we like to give and receive love. I realised I didn’t have a clue what exhs love language was which was a bad sign. Anyway I think Mr Rs love language is doing things as he is very attentive and always offering to do stuff for me and then will try to do a perfect job whether it’s cooking or even making a cup of tea (he seeks approval which can seem needy). I’m very independent and used to always say no but probably would let him help me put up shelves now (even though I can do it myself) just because he’d like to be helpful. He knows i’m competent so isn’t being patronising just helpful.

In terms of caring I think we relax doing stuff together and bond more when chopping up vegetables for dinner or shopping than when we used to go for dinner once a week so I think that caring about the shit in our lives just develops as we have got to know each other better. Anyway I have no real idea about relationships but these are my current thoughts.

Leave I feel like that about MrY and its a big reason I haven't yet had a photo with him he's just so bloody gorgeous. What's the rule about knowing your worth? Slightly different interpretation to 'don't put up with shit' but surely includes 'You are a catch too'!
I'll be interested to read about letting people in. Still wondering if I am emotionally unavailable..

@KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt it's hard isn't it. There's things about me that I think are genuinely ugly so it's surprising to me that attractive guys seem to like me too. Welsh guy wasn't quite as good looking as Mr Cheekbones but pretty close and we were sleeping together and messaging every day for 6 months in total so maybe I'm not hideous?

Mr Cheekbones is literally jaw dropping tbh.

@StealthNinjaMum thanks. More for me to think about. I'm definitely more likely to do stuff for someone to express care than to say what I'm feeling. I'm really annoyed by people seeking approval for everything they do (exH was a narcissist so had to be heaped with praise for even very basic things or he felt under appreciated 🙄).

I probably needed to work on myself a bit longer before I started dating.

Oh this man 😍

I'm going to an event in April that I'm very excited about. Mr Music just bought a ticket for the Saturday night. He likes one of the performers too. It was not cheap.

I told him I hope we like each other and he said he's banking on being able to sell the ticket if we don't. 😂😂😂

You can't be hideous Leave and he wouldn't have matched/messaged you if he thought that! I had/have(?) some poor self esteem issues that are a constant battle but it's important to remember that our opinion of ourselves is often very different to others. It helps to find out what others see when they see you, but it can be a bit of an awkward conv. I have asked my brutally honest best friends and MrY has been pretty forthcoming and it's been a revelation. It helps to see yourself from another perspective!

The appearance is a funny thing. I'm pretty self conscious about how I look but I swiped right on a lot of good looking men. I am worth it and my self esteem is high enough to know they'd still be lucky to be with me. Everyone is more than their looks.

I found that lingerie site I was looking for 😍

I ended it with mr S. Sigh. I dont know if I'm emotionally unavailable or whether it's just a him and me dynamic but it wasnt working

That's a shame @supercali77 are you OK?

What was the site Salty?

@UncorrectedDoormat people are never straightforward are they? In recent years I have started to wonder whether my father was a narc because he wanted approval and made big generous gestures when he had an audience. I think —hope— Mr R is a bit insecure and eager to please so I do thank him a lot. After having a man who didn’t make me a cup of tea in twenty years (even after childbirth he did nothing) i am used to being independent but am learning to let Mr R do small things to show he cares.

In terms of working on yourself I see dating ,and any social activity in fact, as part of that process so don’t see yourself as not ready, you’re having thoughts you wouldn’t be having if you weren’t dating so it’s all beneficial.

uk.honeybirdette.com

Warning it is expensive.

Oooh lovely stuff on that site @saltysally!

I knew you'd like it, Bats 😉