Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I've backed up the chat to my PC, and hidden it away - and it's now deleted on WhatsApp as well as her number.

It just feels horrible - I think I feel worse about this than I did when my 8 year relationship finished last June. I think the worst bit is realising now that she wasn't as into me as much as I thought (or hoped) she was. She'd given so many signs that she was though, so it's really hard for me to know what was real and not.

I'm not sure how I feel about meeting my date tomorrow night - maybe I need to take a break from the apps for a bit while I sort my head out.

Cat I’m so sorry
I was worried she was keeping your hope alive and how you would feel
Take care of yourself xx

Full disclosure of this evening - Mr Muddle turned up looking very nice, not stinking of booze (sober) and immediately (the moment I saw him) launched into worrying I thought he was an alcoholic and saying he had only gone as it was a 50th weekend and did drink way too much and had been going out a bit lately because he was a bit bored in the evenings, etc etc but doesn’t want me to think that way of him that he is a loser and he really likes me

I was very honest with him that I can’t date someone who does heavy drinking and it’s not being judgemental it’s just not compatible. but then unfortunately he looked really bloody nice and stared into my eyes and smiled at me which gave me fanny flutters and kissed me
I just had to go home after that as I was so annoyed with myself for fancying him so much and I haven’t text him back since I got home either.

Sorry @cat....I too feel worse about Mr Straight than when my 4 year relationship ended last year. I think it's the connection I think we have that he can take or leave. It's so horrible, and I've cried over him which is silly!

And not knowing what is real and what isn't, completely messes with your head ☹

@menora did you not finish it then?

I think so, but why does he have to be 6ft 2 with huge arms and blue eyes and smile at me and bloody kiss me so essentially I am completely sexually frustrated and flapped at the whole evening and regret going

I was chatting to mr straight tonight and he said something in jest but made me think. We were talking about compliments and I said his were very random. He replied sarcastically that it's to 'keep me on my toes', and I thought yes, he is doing that alright. I think he meant it and it's some twisted joke for him.

You don't have to end things @menora but maybe slow things down so you know him about better. 3 dates in your first week seems quite intense to me.

@cat I think you should go on your date tomorrow, who knows you may get on great.

@bangheadhere40 that comment about keeping on toes would really annoy me. Like he wants to keep you hanging....

Gosh, I wish I had found this thread a week ago. You all sound lovely and supportive. I reached out on my own thread about whether I should call someone I had been seeing for a couple of months and got roasted by the keyboard warriors telling me how pathetic I was. Would it be okay to join you on here? Looks like things with Mr Van have probably ended. He's told me he's feeling down about his late mom. Although he messaged earlier in the week telling me he was missing me and would call, that hasn't happened so far. I left a voicemail today ( after a 4 day hiatus) He was soooo sexy and amazing in bed. Probably the first guy I have really genuinely fancied the arse off in ages. I have had a FWB in the background of all my relationships since my husband passed away 6 years ago. FWB Mr Cocky has given me huge emotional support over that time and we care about each other deeply. We've just had a few days off from messaging while I sorted my head out over Mr Van. Not sure what my next move is with OLD, might just seek solace with Mr Cocky until I feel ready to get back online. My ex Mr Rep has also re emerged but I am not sure that would be a good idea. He ticked lots of boxes but constantly made digs about my teenage DDs. Was with him on and off for 3 years though and he made life easy regarding dating as he was utterly dependable, something I find important. Love a bit of naughtiness but deep down want to be naughty with someone who stays the course and doesn't play games. Maybe I just need to test the OLD world again. I have lost nearly 4 stone in the last 10 months and I am feeling somewhat more confident about my appearance. Looking forward to joining in with your chat if that's okay ?

Oh Cat. I’m so sorry. I know exactly where you are placed. I have been both ends. I thought I could handle a relationship then feel terrible as my life a mess and couldn’t. I also then fell head over heels last spring and he said it wasn’t possible. It cut straight through. I went out on a few dates after just simply to do lunches and test the water. They didn’t feel the same or enjoyable but am realising that, for me, in any case if I can find just someone looking for company and go on dates.. is a good compromise. I do of course miss the buzz of intimacy/sex etc but I am not getting hurt in the process. Keep chatting here to us all. Sending lots of love. It really stings x

Hi Onesmallstep. You are very welcome here. It's a nice safe place and I don't actually post elsewhere on MN now because this thread is so nice (and useful).

So... I've been a little bit absent because I've been spending hours talking to Mr rough diamond. We matched 2 weeks ago and have spent over 60 hours on the phone and video chat. I've met him for two dates and am officially smitten. Deleted apps. No more FWB and we're deliberately not fucking....yet.
Got a brief date with him Tuesday when I can escape the kids for literally an hour and a half so he's driving over to me to make the most (a 50 minute drive). Then the weekend away next week because he has to do some keys off at his old flat 2 hours away so I'm going with because I like road trips which turned into hotel and dinner. Where we're planning to not fuck.
Because this actually fucking means something.

I'm crapping myself and euphoric at the same time

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking
Yay!!!...I’ll bring more snacks & wine
I matched with mr boat two weeks ago, have had 2 dates & am staying with him next weekend ( he lives an hour away) as he has to do maintenance work/check in on a second property ..
It feels great, doesn’t it?
Happy for you 😊

Just catching up on everyone's news.

Cat I'm so sorry it didn't work out. Like the others I was concerned she was stringing you along a bit. I hope you're okay

Perfect once you've had those feelings of doubt I think you need to go with them - reading your list I would have felt the same.

Menora drinking like that is a major compatibility issue for me - is he saying this is unusual for him? Or has he picked up that you don't like it so is saying what he thinks you want to here?

Sofa and salty 😃 And he sounds lovely MoMore.

shitwith the log cabin sounds so romantic 😍

I'm back from the European city of canals, coffee shops and tulips 🌷 Had a lovely lovely time. Mr BC wants to plan the next trip. And Valentine's Day ...

*hear

@TheCatWithTheHat I'm sorry about Miss Confusing but she had that name for a reason and hopefully your life will be a little less confusing now. If someone likes you, you shouldn't have to second guess.
Go on the date, you never know. I swiped right on Mr Ad the day after Mr SAS ended things with me. I was seeing him on and off for 5 months, now been with Mr Ad just over 5 months.

So many break ups and things not working for people, sending hugs to all those that need it.

I haven’t heard from Mr Snake (the guy I met yesterday) since his one word response to my text yesterday afternoon so I’m guessing he’s not interested, a shame as he seemed nice but probably wouldn’t have worked anyway. I’m stuck at home with a I’ll child today so feeling a bit lonely as I have no irons to talk too, no house work to do as I did it all over the weekend. Going to sit and watch some rubbish day time tv and feel sorry for myself.

@lovemusic...hope you are okay....and strange about the iron yesterday! Are you still on the apps?

bang I’m still on the apps but not having much luck, I’ve been on there so long that there’s no longer much choice, the same faces I have either dated or are not my type. I will have a flick through tinder later (I think I had a match yesterday) and maybe look at bumble though I don’t really get on with bumble, POF is just the same people who have been on there for years. I need to get out a bit more but I find it hard in the winter.

@BatshitCrazyWoman

Thanks
He was saying that he wasn’t enjoying it anyway and he had said he wanted to come home on Saturday as it was all a bit much. There was 20 of them and they didn’t want to do anything else but drink. He did go back to the apartment a few times by himself for a break, all in all it wasn’t the height of excitement, - more everyone is drinking and I am joining in as there isn’t anything else to do. He is very into running and he has some competitive events coming up and he wants to focus on those. Drinking leads to eating and bad sleep and he wants to be healthier. That’s what he said anyway

@bangheadhere40

I hate hate hate the on the toes comments! Either as an accusation of you or someone admitting they are doing it. It’s just game playing

@TheCatWithTheHat

Go on the date. I really want to see you move past Miss Confusing and you deserve to meet someone who appreciates you

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking

Go you! Sounds great! And intense haha

@Lovemusic33

It is a hard time of year for dating, I think things always pick up in the spring to be honest when everyone doesn’t have SAD as badly 😂

@menora yes I did, I know it was meant as a joke but definitely some truth in it....along with other 'jokey' comments he has made which to be honest make me feel bad. As they are said in a jokey way though and over messages it's easy to miss, but I do think there is some truth in it! It's making me very annoyed now!

I'm not really having much luck on the apps with others, a few conversations that go no where. A vague date planned for Friday, but whether it will come to fruition who knows.

I'm having a few wobbles about Mr S aside from the lack of effort at Christmas. I haven't seen him for 3 weeks, he asked me to take him to a hospital appointment last Thursday then acted like it was my suggestion and got his step dad to take him, he is now at his sister's and no idea when I will see him again, he told me I was being really blunt about his medical news, becomes really defensive when I asked about his ankle, we were meant to be going to a museum on Saturday but when I asked if we were still going he said he hadn't said when we were going, he is round his sister's and no idea when he will be back.or when I will see him. Last time I was round his he told me off for putting the milk away after he had made a cup of tea. The worst of it is I have suspicions that he has lied about his age and is 4 years older than he says he is; I overheard him in the phone to British gas before Christmas, I asked him about it and he said he never gives out true information about his date of birth etc so they can't trace him. I was researching my own family history last week so tired to look him up and the only person I could find with his name is 4 years older than he says he is. But I have no proof as I haven't seen a driving licence or passport. Met no one who knows him. Only ever see him of an evening even though he is free during the day.

It really sound worse writing all it all down. Things were going so well up until Christmas. Sorry for the essay