Dating thread 182 - keeping our irons warm by the fireplace

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@saltysally plus others! Thank you, don't feel so alone now ... guess I'm just at a loose end today and overthinking

That's a really good point actually @halfthesun

We should keep balanced and not let this become our life

Wonder if it could be a guideline actually... Perhaps reworded

@TigerDater had. Lovely evening but unfortunately not in that way! I only had 1 condom and he ripped it putting it on 🙈
Still enjoyed ourselves though 😜

@Menora good point about texts not being the measure of communication, I’ve heard that hopefully I’ll remember it!!

@shitwithsugaron does sound like your heading for the smitten bench, all sounds really good.

Question as I know a couple of you have mentioned kinks, do you think men carpet bomb in the hope of finding someone that matches their kinks or do you think there’s something in our pictures/profiles that hint at it? I’m talking nothing intentional. I’m really surprised how many matches I’ve made that end up with a kink that matches mine, I rarely match with what I’m not into , I’m just curious if even without trying I’m giving off a vibe, not sure I’m even making sense but I find it really interesting! With that in mind I’m hoping I’ve a new iron, he’s absolutely gorgeous so I’m very very wary!

It's such a head fuck OLD 😅

I think MrDog may just want a penpal....bizarrely- Mr Dog, MrStraight and your iron Mr Yorkshireman are all from Yorkshire. Maybe they have a different manual over there and prefer penpals!!!!!!

Hoping my date with Mr Grandad goes ahead, no reason not to, I know nothing about him really, but it's probably best to save that until we meet, as to not over invest.

Such a fine line between showing you are keen, but not going ott, especially when you don't know anyones general texting habits!

I am a happy sub. I only date alpha men. I'm not saying all alpha men like to dominate but I've never met a good dom who isn't an alpha male. I think some doms can pick up wording from my posts.

@salty do you intentionally put things in your wording though? Do you find subs approach you? I’d say my profile is free of any kinks even hints but somehow they show up!

Yes @bangheadhere40 maybe it's a Yorkshire thing!!! I think following the advice not to overinvest and swiftly move on to the next one is the best way forward. I certainly don't want a penpal I want a man who's going to take me on dates. If he can't or won't do that, then, on to the next!

@stuckinarut79 I've never had a sub message me. Of course some men who don't like bdsm have. Equally if the man doesn't come across as my type I'd not message them so it's a bit of double filter.
It's not intentional wording on my behalf but it'd be fair men can pick up on it.

What is an alpha male exactly?

I don’t like alpha males I am afraid of them!

@shitwithsugaron I'm really pleased for you with Mr List. Just shows what jumping back on the horse can do 😁
I'm still laughing to myself about my ds sleepwalking in on me and Mr Ad shagging 😂

We’re not all scary! Especially those of us that sound like a 12 year old.

I'm really pleased about @shit too....just shows you that you never know who you will meet!

Not posted for a while as not had any dates, things have been a bit quiet. I got speaking to someone on Tinder who seemed lovely but he looked a bit scruffy in his photos, we got chatting and he happened to be looking for something to buy that I had just listed on gum tree. He hasn’t got a car at the moment so I agreed to deliver the item to him today. Went over to his not expecting anything other than an exchange of said item. When I got there he was nothing like I imagined him to be, much better looking, very well spoken and pretty fit 😋. I stayed there for half an hour and hopefully we are going on a date soon. His dc were there so it was a little awkward.

I have a couple other irons but no one interesting.

Ok - Mr Muddle has landed and is sober allegedly. I’m going to go out to meet him quickly (was only quickly anyway) and do the deed. I want to do it face to face with him - he’s fragile and he’s not been a prick so isn’t getting the blow off text

The other iron, Mr Designer is right up my street - been getting on like a house on fire

How do you deal with men that rarely initiate conversation, but if you message them they reply enthusiastically?

@menora hope he takes it ok.

Also waiting for an update from @cat and wondering how @marlborough is getting on.

@bangheadhere40 my update is not good unfortunately. She didn't make it, due to train cancellations - but instead sent me a message saying she was going to tell me that she had decided she's not ready for a relationship.

We then had a fairly long chat via text, but she isn't changing her mind. She's said she did like spending time with me, and there's no one else involved - it really is because she just can't handle a relationship just now and doesn't want me waiting around while she sorts her life out. I've said I won't be back in touch, but she knows where I am if she ever decides she is in the right headspace to meet up again and see what happens.

I'm feeling really gutted - just in floods of tears, and feel awful. But at least I know now, and can move on. It's a horrible feeling though.

Sorry @cat that's really hard. The pain sucks too

@cat I'm so sorry ☹ I know I would feel exactly that with Mr Straight and it's absolutely horrible.

As hard as it is to see, there will be someone who will appreciate you....you seem like such a lovely caring person. X

Sorry it didn’t work out Cat sometimes things are just not meant to be. I understand that some people are “not ready” but I think no ones really ready until they actually find the person that makes them feel ready.

The guy I met today hasn’t really messaged me much since meeting so somethings telling me that he might not be interested even though he asked me today if I wanted to go on a date. He was totally different than I expected him to be and maybe I was different than he thought I would be? I’m not too bothered as he does not have a car and lives a hour away also he seems to have his kids every weekend which wouldn’t work very well.

I’m talking to someone else on Tinder, he’s a lot older which I thought would rule out young children but turns out he has a baby daughter.

Mr Straight also said he doesn't expect me to wait. I'm now taking that as a sure sign of not interest after reading that.

Bang I know it sounds harsh but I do think a lot of the time people tell us they are not ready for a relationship rather than telling us they don’t feel a connection because I truly believe if there was a connection then they would be ready? I have told people I’m not ready when In fact I just feel something isn’t right or I’m not into them. At the moment I think I would struggle to find anyone I feel “ready” for because they would have to be bloody amazing to make me want to be in a serious relationship, I quite like the benefits of being single.