Fussy partner with food!

[MellowMelly]

This will probably sound completely trivial but it’s seriously causing issues.
My partner is ridiculously fussy with food. The main bone of contention is dinner. He is never happy no matter what I serve up and I’m finding cooking now to be an utter chore rather than enjoyable and I’m so limited to what I can cook for him now it’s become ridiculous.
I’m fed up of serving up food and watching as he pushes his food around the plate whilst actually pulling faces and then starts critiquing it either during the meal or after. Apparently the chicken the other night was chewy and inedible (he made sure I knew this by making it obvious that he was struggling to cut it, I however had no problems) the hake I cooked was watery and had no taste (it had a lemon and dill sauce on it), the pizza was definitely not hot enough so therefore not cooked properly and might make him ill, he is ‘minced out’ from Bolognaise, he won’t eat lamb now as some minted lamb shanks have put him off it. He won’t eat anything with rice/pasta, anything covered in breadcrumbs, anything too ‘herby’.

It doesn’t stop at my door with his criticism, his Mother and the takeaways/restaurants get it too. The sauce was too thick, there was not enough chicken in the kebab, the chips were soggy, the battered cod was too greasy...it’s endless.

We tried HelloFresh. Out of the hundred recipes only 3 made it into the acceptable pile.

I’ve told my partner to cook dinner if I’m so terrible at cooking, the few occasions that he has, well, he criticised his own cooking too

Suggestions? I will even accept LTB

So if he has had a bad day at work and I’ll sympathise for him I’ll get comments like ‘what would you know about having a bad day at work, you only work part time’

Oh fgs he sounds like a prize arsehole. Please ditch him, OP. He is already behaving very badly towards you and it will only get worse. He has shown you what he's like, and you have shown him that you will tolerate this behaviour.

Wait you're not going to keep seeing him are you?!

OP it is really heartbreaking to read about how this man is treating you. But lots of us have been there and know how hard it can be to pull away from it.

Yes, he sounds like the kind of guy who has to offload his suffering onto someone else. You are his emotional punching bag. That is a horrible position to be in, I have been there too.

I can't tell you what decisions to make in your life, but I can tell you it is incredibly freeing to not have to come home to a partner like that anymore. You sound like a lovely person, you deserve a healthy relationship, and this is not one.

Anyway ... what would help you start setting appropriate boundaries with this man? It's unacceptable that he is so rude and controlling about food. It's unacceptable that he deliberately wakes you up. Can you sleep separately so you "don't disturb him"? Can you stop cooking meals for him as your food apparently isn't up to his standards?

Do you have friends and family IRL who love you and support you? What do they think of him?

Stop cooking for him as of today. Just tell him that you obviously don't get it right and he can cook for himself. Somewhere else! So glad that you are spotting the signs of emotional abuse.

You're pretending to sleep so that you can catch him pretending to accidentally wake you up?
What is it this week, is it the school holidays? Post-Christmas boredom?

I understand cutting meat to check it’s cooked through

I don't. If my DH did this I would go apheshit. If he doesn't trust me not to poison him, he can eff off.

Please tell me you're going to kick him to the kerb.

I would not last 24 hours with someone like this.

You deserve respect and being equals, not him deliberately nitpicking at everything you do. Nasty nasty man.

DH can be a bit fussy about some things, but I don't let it affect what me and DD eat (and he would never complain as that's just the height of rudeness). On nights where we are going to have something he wouldn't really enjoy, then he just makes something else for himself.

In your shoes, with the level of fussiness (and whinging), I would just make dinner for myself and leave him to it.

Oh god I missed the other updates. Yeah, not good, OP. He's a dick.

His behaviour at table is completely off the charts unacceptable. My 7yo doesn't even behave that way, he can be a reluctant eater but by age 5 knew that you NEVER criticise a meal that someone has prepared for you. You eat it or don't but you shut the fuck up beyond "thank you".

His generally critical nature sounds horrible.

But when you said about him waking you up. OP. I am chilled to read that you seem to think you can just "have a chat" with him? And it will all be fine?

Habitually waking someone from sleep is torture. Like... under international law.

You need to learn some self preservation here. RUN. FFS.

I now have no intentions of continuing this relationship.
I can’t because it’s highly likely going to get worse and I don’t know what will come next. I’ve all ready picked myself up and dusted myself off from the last situation.

@ravenmum I stayed awake because I thought I was going mad and he was genuinely accidentally waking me with an elbow in my side followed by a ‘sorry did I wake you’. The next incident was he ‘accidentally’ put a pillow over my head followed by a ‘sorry did I wake you’. This was happening 5/6 times a night. Very convenient. So yes, I lay awake one night after he got up for a wee. He came back into the bedroom, whipped the duvet off me, so I pretended to stay asleep, he then started shaking me, i sort of responded, this didn’t work so he bit me on the arse. I tried to go back to sleep after I told him not to keep waking me on purpose where he proceeded to call me a ‘weirdo’ and ‘I’m making it all up’ only to find him pulling my hair and shaking my pillow about half hour later. He said ‘I feel lonely when I can’t sleep’.
Believe me I am not on school holidays or suffering from post Christmas boredom.

OP you need to leave!
This sad sorry excuse of a man is abusive. The meal time behaviour is used to make you feel in edge. He's conditioning you to feel bad, knowing deep down you'll constantly strive to keep trying harder to please him. No matter what culinary delight you put before him will every please him. There's nothing wrong with your cooking/food. The problem is him!
The other stuff you mention about him making remarks about you not knowing what a bad day is etc. Is again used to make you feel you're not worthy to comment. The waking you up on purpose is him further controlling you
Please leave, this is something that will get progressively worse. This man is showing you who he is, believe him.

I pretended to stay asleep, he then started shaking me, i sort of responded, this didn’t work so he bit me on the arse.

Fucking hell, OP. He's mental. Please make sure you are safe. Have you got someone to be with you?

As a rule, I don't mind fussy eaters as long as they keep it to themselves. Fussing about food is either infantile or controlling ( because fussypants has needs that trump everyone else's ) and I just don't want to hear it.
Having the joy sucked out of each and every meal sounds tedious beyond belief. And the waking up thing is plain cruelty.
He sounds like a total drag and you might just be doing him a favour if you tell him so.

Why on earth are you cooking for someone who has no manners and is extremely rude about it? The first time he complained should have been the last time you cooked for him. Tell him he’s cooking for himself from now on.

And I’m a self confessed “fussy” eater.

Just read update. He's mental

Having dragged myself out of a DV relationship a while back I’m considering seriously, having read and taken on board all your comments, whether I may well be immune to the fact that this relationship is unhealthy because my brain is telling me ‘it’s not as bad as that last relationship’.

Yep.

Do not cook for this Arsehole!

Sure, you start a thread about your partner's fussy eating when he's putting a pillow over your head five or six times a night.

That update is scary stuff, he’s not right in the head; biting, hair pulling, I can’t believe what I’m reading!
🗑🗑🗑🗑🗑🗑🗑

That's fantastic news, OP. Take control and you will feel so much happier. Remember it's him, not you. Make sure you are safe, and please confide in family/friends. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You sound great and deserve happiness x

Are you living with this cunt? Mellow, he put a fucking pillow over your head and bit you on the arse! Do you not see how fucking scarily abusive this is? You need to get out now. This person isn't safe.

@CousinKrispy

I think there will be no way to remedy this situation without a clean break. I think now that there are other elements to him I’m overlooking that are worrisome. Every comment on here has made me look at his behaviour a little bit closer and there’s definitely other issues with him.

Of course I could sleep in another bedroom but I have a feeling he will seek to exert control elsewhere in my life. He is all ready starting to do so. Today he has called me 9 times since 9.30am keeping me on the phone for up to 20 minutes a time. I feel he is checking up on me.

In real life, I have a wonderful family but will avoid telling them because I think they’ll be incredibly upset for me that I’ve picked another plonker. My daughter now knows and she has told me to get out too.

Jeez he is a psycho. Who it's someone in the arse to deliberately wake them? I'm glad you are giving him the heave ho. You deserve better.

So glad you’ve seen the light OP! Well done on taking action so soon. He’s an abuser for sure. He’s a already controlling your sleep and physically hurting you to prevent you sleeping.