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Original poster

Fussy partner with food!

521 replies

MellowMelly · 24/01/2020 11:44

This will probably sound completely trivial but it’s seriously causing issues.
My partner is ridiculously fussy with food. The main bone of contention is dinner. He is never happy no matter what I serve up and I’m finding cooking now to be an utter chore rather than enjoyable and I’m so limited to what I can cook for him now it’s become ridiculous.
I’m fed up of serving up food and watching as he pushes his food around the plate whilst actually pulling faces and then starts critiquing it either during the meal or after. Apparently the chicken the other night was chewy and inedible (he made sure I knew this by making it obvious that he was struggling to cut it, I however had no problems) the hake I cooked was watery and had no taste (it had a lemon and dill sauce on it), the pizza was definitely not hot enough so therefore not cooked properly and might make him ill, he is ‘minced out’ from Bolognaise, he won’t eat lamb now as some minted lamb shanks have put him off it. He won’t eat anything with rice/pasta, anything covered in breadcrumbs, anything too ‘herby’.

It doesn’t stop at my door with his criticism, his Mother and the takeaways/restaurants get it too. The sauce was too thick, there was not enough chicken in the kebab, the chips were soggy, the battered cod was too greasy...it’s endless.

We tried HelloFresh. Out of the hundred recipes only 3 made it into the acceptable pile.

I’ve told my partner to cook dinner if I’m so terrible at cooking, the few occasions that he has, well, he criticised his own cooking too Hmm

Suggestions? I will even accept LTB Grin

OP posts:
inwood · 24/01/2020 12:34

Christ that sounds tiring. Stop cooking for him.

It's not going to be cost effective but who could be doing with that. In fact if you can get a gousto or hello fresh for one it may well be. Leave him to it or LTB.

Food aversions, not tactful - anything else going? ASD?

pinkyredrose · 24/01/2020 12:37

Do you live together? Why are you cooking all the meals, why don't you take turns?

I'd stop cooking, he obviously doesn't like anything you make

Do you really want to be with this miserable, whinging rude twat? Does he have any good points?

PatellarTendonitis · 24/01/2020 12:39

but definitely a problem I would like to nip in the bud now.

You can't. You want to know why? Because it is not your problem to nip in the bud. It's his. But guess what? He doesn't see it as a problem at all. You're supposed to put up and dance round it. Can you not see that? YOU are already changing your life, not eating what you love and eating like a toddler, he's doing FA, it's business as usual for him, it's YOUR issue as far as he's concerned.

Not at all surprised he's 'not tactful' in general.

He will never change. This is who he is. Don't you think you deserve more?

Neolara · 24/01/2020 12:40

Stop cooking for him. Let him cook for himself. Cook your own food. Eat at the same time if that works for you. Maybe worth thinking about how you would deal with food / mealtimes with any kids you had with him. Could be stressful.

PatellarTendonitis · 24/01/2020 12:40

Don't make excuses for him, either. I have a child with ASD, it is not a cop out to make everyone else's life a misery.

FishingPaws · 24/01/2020 12:40

I was going to say that he has 3 choices - eat it, leave it or cook for himself - but then I saw:

Is he as rude in other areas...I can find him to be not very tactful in general with anyone.

I thoroughly dislike poor manners and this reads as though you're attempting to be the very thing you say he isn't - tactful. Very often 'not very tactful' actually means plain rude and if that's the case then it's time to reconsider your relationship.

ShadowOnTheSun · 24/01/2020 12:41

I had this once. Except I was the fussy one. Well, not really, it's just that my ex and me used to have very very different diets. None of us made an issue out of it, we used to cook separately, each for himself. None of us were offended or otherwise hurt. Don't see the problem here (we split eventually, but not because of cooking).

However, your partner is being very rude with his comments and faces. If he doesn't like your food and prefers to eat his own, he should politely say so and cook for himself, instead of making you feel shit.

Sexnotgender · 24/01/2020 12:42

He sounds tedious as fuck, I’m pretty sure my attraction would wane with every whinge.

The dramatic chicken cutting would send me over the edge.

Can you honestly see yourself doing this for another 30/40 years?

ravenmum · 24/01/2020 12:43

My bf is a smoker, I say he has no taste buds as he only likes spicy food. So I give him hot sauce to squirt on anything I cook, and he tells me it is tasty :)

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 24/01/2020 12:46

My ex was a fucking nightmare to cook for, but he never criticised mine or anyone else's cooking. We adapted around him and made stuff he liked, and he was appreciative.

Your OH sounds like a twat.

CousinKrispy · 24/01/2020 12:47

"Life is much, much easier when, as an adult, you associate with other adults and you learn not to dick pander just to be in a relationship. People will soon come on here and tell you how you need to make this your problem because he has a mental health condition, autism, sensory processing disorder, misophonia and you need to 'get him to the GP' blah blah blah.

He's a food fusspot with the tastebuds of a toddler."

I agree with PatellarTendonitis. Furthermore, I'd say that the problem isn't his tastebuds, the problem is he's being unacceptably rude (possibly controlling?) about how he expresses the needs of his tastebuds. If he really does have a medical condition that makes him a picky eater, he could learn to accommodate that and communicate about it graciously. A medical condition (if it even existed) would not cause him to be a dick to you over your cooking.

JKScot4 · 24/01/2020 12:47

Is he as rude in other areas...I can find him to be not very tactful in general with anyone
this and the incessant moaning, put him in the 🗑 he sounds exhausting and boring as fuck.

Original poster
MellowMelly · 24/01/2020 12:53

Having dragged myself out of a DV relationship a while back I’m considering seriously, having read and taken on board all your comments, whether I may well be immune to the fact that this relationship is unhealthy because my brain is telling me ‘it’s not as bad as that last relationship’.

Those of you asking whether he nitpicks in general...yes he does. He is also prone to dropping hints if something I have done doesn’t quite meet his satisfaction, not just with the cooking.

Maybe because he is not shouting abuse at me like my previous partner that perhaps I’m overlooking many things Confused

OP posts:
candative · 24/01/2020 12:59

Me and the other half often suit ourselves around food and that works okay. We often collaborate and spin off what one is making to accommodate the other. You need to tell him that it's not on to comment negatively on pretty much everything you make and so, as he is negative you won't be cooking for him again. End of. He can sort himself out. Who said it was YOUR job to cook him food anyway. If he wants to go back to eating the food you cook, he knows the deal, no moaning allowed. Be firm. More worrying that he is like this in other areas. This will wear you down, consider the rest of your life before you are too far in!

PatellarTendonitis · 24/01/2020 13:01

Having dragged myself out of a DV relationship a while back I’m considering seriously, having read and taken on board all your comments, whether I may well be immune to the fact that this relationship is unhealthy because my brain is telling me ‘it’s not as bad as that last relationship’.

You are 100% spot on. This is exactly what is happening. He's just a different form of twat. He's the PA EA type.

Honestly, you need to stop the relationship and just stop dating until you do some serious work on your boundaries (there's a topic board on here that's an excellent resource).

He's conditioning you to put up with his dominance by using passive aggressive tactics. And so far, it's working, so he'll continue doing it.

Fallsballs · 24/01/2020 13:03

Never ceases to amaze me what people put up with in relationships. Only 18 months and he’s boring you, imagine when he’s retired after decades of that 🙄

mencken · 24/01/2020 13:05

blimey - I hope the sex is good...

why are you bothering? Rude, childish and sounds incredibly boring.

help the species by jettisoning.

lazylinguist · 24/01/2020 13:07

LTB. The food thing alone would be enough, but it sounds like this is part of a bigger pattern of behaviour. Life's too short to stay with someone like this, OP. 'Not as bad as the last relationship ' is not enough.

AudTheDeepMinded · 24/01/2020 13:07

Have a think about having children with this man...Do you really want him modelling this sort of behaviour around food? feeding kids is bad enough as it is without them learning that that sort of nonsense is in any way acceptable. Go and find a nice grown up to share your life with and not a twatty man child.

Bluntness100 · 24/01/2020 13:09

Meh, I couldn't be doing with that, I don't know how you find it attractive. Someone pick pick picking away.

And why cook for him. Stop it. He does t like it.

Personally I'd bin it off though, couldn't face a life time of it.

Original poster
MellowMelly · 24/01/2020 13:16

I know some people moan that Mumsnet is brutal. I however appreciate the sheer honesty, advice and opinions currently being given to me. Some comments have really made me laugh, others have provided me with an insight to open my eyes a bit more.

He has had a habit recently of waking me up on purpose. I initially put it down to waking me up by accident until the other night when I pretended to be asleep and caught him doing it. He has had a problem sleeping and I felt that because he couldn’t sleep that I wasn’t allowed too either. Does that make sense?

OP posts:
GameSetMatch · 24/01/2020 13:20

Cook yourself a nice meal each evening and heat up a suitable ready meal for him until his complaining stops.

minmooch · 24/01/2020 13:20

18 months in? No did that for a laugh.

Get out before you waste further time on this man.

It should not be this difficult. You should still be in that 'honeymoon' phase.

As for waking you up on purpose - I'd be fucking furious. How childish.

PatellarTendonitis · 24/01/2020 13:21

Of course it makes since. It's classic. He's seen that you will put up with rudeness, complaining and his being controlling around food so now he's stepping it up with waking you up deliberately.

Hope you haven't moved in with him . . . far too soon especially coming off a DV relationship.

bluebling · 24/01/2020 13:22

You can't. You want to know why? Because it is not your problem to nip in the bud. It's his. But guess what? He doesn't see it as a problem at all. You're supposed to put up and dance round it. Can you not see that? YOU are already changing your life, not eating what you love and eating like a toddler, he's doing FA, it's business as usual for him, it's YOUR issue as far as he's concerned.

This. My abusive ex behaved like this. At first I thought he was just picky, but now realise it was a form of control.