Fussy partner with food!

[MellowMelly]

This will probably sound completely trivial but it’s seriously causing issues.
My partner is ridiculously fussy with food. The main bone of contention is dinner. He is never happy no matter what I serve up and I’m finding cooking now to be an utter chore rather than enjoyable and I’m so limited to what I can cook for him now it’s become ridiculous.
I’m fed up of serving up food and watching as he pushes his food around the plate whilst actually pulling faces and then starts critiquing it either during the meal or after. Apparently the chicken the other night was chewy and inedible (he made sure I knew this by making it obvious that he was struggling to cut it, I however had no problems) the hake I cooked was watery and had no taste (it had a lemon and dill sauce on it), the pizza was definitely not hot enough so therefore not cooked properly and might make him ill, he is ‘minced out’ from Bolognaise, he won’t eat lamb now as some minted lamb shanks have put him off it. He won’t eat anything with rice/pasta, anything covered in breadcrumbs, anything too ‘herby’.

It doesn’t stop at my door with his criticism, his Mother and the takeaways/restaurants get it too. The sauce was too thick, there was not enough chicken in the kebab, the chips were soggy, the battered cod was too greasy...it’s endless.

We tried HelloFresh. Out of the hundred recipes only 3 made it into the acceptable pile.

I’ve told my partner to cook dinner if I’m so terrible at cooking, the few occasions that he has, well, he criticised his own cooking too

Suggestions? I will even accept LTB

Maybe because he is not shouting abuse at me like my previous partner that perhaps I’m overlooking many things

I think you're spot on there! You deserve better than this.

This man is not nice to you. Please break up with him before he escalates his behaviour.

The sleeping thing does "make sense" to me in light of other things about his personality. I believe you and am not surprised. Sounds like he's the type that "can't help" trying to make everyone else suffer the way he is "suffering," whether that's lack of sleep or not liking the food or just generally being dissatisfied. It's toxic and it's unlikely to change.

Of course it doesn't "make sense" for nice normal considerate people, who would never behave that way. You wouldn't do that to your partner, you sound like a nice person.

BTW I'd love for you to come cook for me, your food sounds great!

I realised the thread has move on somewhat and I wish I had any advice but I don’t!!!

I am just really really bloody curious to know what he does want to eat though? Can you shed some light?!

@PatellarTendonitis

I think you may be right. My boundaries seem a bit flimsy and I should sort them out really. It’s been so easy to think ‘thank god he doesn’t shout at me’ or ‘I’m so pleased that he doesn’t call me names’.

I won’t be having children with this person so no worries there. Also the children we have had via previous relationships have fled their nests now so I guess that’s a huge silver lining.

Ive been reading through this thread and each new revelation is making me say 'thats enough'

fuck it OP, he sounds awful. He will wear you down

Have a LTB from me. 18 months is enough to see him for who he is, and a future with him would be totally miserable.

You have learned a good lesson though - you have learned that abuse comes in many flavours. Take yourself away from this, do the freedom programme, read @why does he do that' and maybe grab yourself some councelling to help you spot the signs asap

Mellow, you need to get away from this man. He is showing you that he's abusive, just in a different way. Waking you deliberately? More red flags than N. Korea. Really hope you are not living with him.

“ Maybe because he is not shouting abuse at me like my previous partner that perhaps I’m overlooking many things”

No, he is muttering and moaning abuse in a different way instead. Your instinct is right here

@nameymcnamechangeagain

Haha! Great question. Currently I can tell you that he likes absolutely nothing apart from maybe a roast dinner? I think that’s the only meal he doesn’t complain about. I say that but the other day he moaned that the Yorkshire puddings didn’t have enough of a hole in the middle for his gravy to go in and that I had put the chicken on the wrong side of the plate

I think you know by now that he is not the same as your previous partner. You may be grateful for that. However, he is not treating you properly at all.

If he doesn't like the way you are or the way you do things then you might consider telling him to f**k off the next time he finds something to criticise. You would be better off on your own!!

I’ve got one like this. He doesn’t criticise but he has slowly drain any enjoyment is cooking out of me. I say this as someone who used to love cooking. He will eat a handful of dinners. I’m fed up with them.

Christ I’ve just seen the he purposely wakes me up honestly OP get him binned, very very controlling and abusive. You’ve no ties, I’d just block and ignore, change the locks too.

Ask him if he liked being single.
Tell him that f he wakes you up again bang goes him ever having a lie in.
Tell him if he can't say anything nice about a meal to shut up, do this by holding up a hand Infront of yourself then add if this continues you will not cook for him.
Anytime he tells you your not doing it right, say thanks you can do it then, hand him the tools and walk away.

Cool delicious food for yourself. Let him sort himself out.

He doesn't seem to bring anything worthwhile to your life.

And having read the rest of the thread I'd add. Let him eat his own food in a different house to you forevermore.

he moaned that the Yorkshire puddings didn’t have enough of a hole in the middle for his gravy

What? He’d have had a hole alright. In the middle of his fucking chest.

I bet he's like my dad and complains if his sandwiches have been cut into triangles rather than rectangles. An unattractive trait for a man over the age of eight...

This shit (the food, the waking, the criticism) will grind you down OP. It will grind you down until you have no fight left for any of it. Don't let it happen to you.

How old is he?! He sounds fussy, rude and thoughtless. I would leave him to cook meals now

All I keep thinking is him saying Dance Monkey Dance and you are doing it. You keep trying to push the right button to get the reward. You can't because the button keeps changing.

I couldn't imagine being with someone who didn't share my love of food. Just when you both bite into something incredible and you share that look, that oh my God this is heaven look. Even my children do it!

My Mum just didn't like food. And complained. Like a toddler. She had a very bland diet, no curries, Thai or Indian, no flavoursome foods. If she could have eaten some futuristic cube of dinner in one bite she would have done it.

Add to this the waking you on purpose. I would get out. That is not just unkind, it is controlling, he even controls when you sleep. Very worrying. You deserve better. Just because the benchmark was very low in your last relationship doesn't mean you shouldn't be aiming for much higher in a new one.

He sounds awful OP. A right misery guts. Think about why you are with him.

Run! Run faster than the wind! Be FREE!

Seriously, you cannot get away from this man fast enough.

My ex did that sort of stuff. Once I did home made fish pie, and he poked it and said “what delights do we have in here” in a sneery voice.

Then he’d watch master chef and say “ look, that’s how it should be”. Hmm, right, after working full time plus school run & helping with homework.

Such a relief when I got rid. I’ve gone back to enjoying cooking now.

Give him a pouch of baby food.

bland and boring enough?

@CousinKrispy

That bit you said about ‘if he is suffering then we all have to suffer too’! This has totally resonated with me!!
I have definitely noticed if he has had a bad day or something has annoyed him then I do seem to be on the receiving end of some sly comments.
So if he has had a bad day at work and I’ll sympathise for him I’ll get comments like ‘what would you know about having a bad day at work, you only work part time’ so I end up feeling slightly upset and then he seems to be ok suddenly!

Also of course I’ll cook you some food