Fussy partner with food!

[MellowMelly]

This will probably sound completely trivial but it’s seriously causing issues.
My partner is ridiculously fussy with food. The main bone of contention is dinner. He is never happy no matter what I serve up and I’m finding cooking now to be an utter chore rather than enjoyable and I’m so limited to what I can cook for him now it’s become ridiculous.
I’m fed up of serving up food and watching as he pushes his food around the plate whilst actually pulling faces and then starts critiquing it either during the meal or after. Apparently the chicken the other night was chewy and inedible (he made sure I knew this by making it obvious that he was struggling to cut it, I however had no problems) the hake I cooked was watery and had no taste (it had a lemon and dill sauce on it), the pizza was definitely not hot enough so therefore not cooked properly and might make him ill, he is ‘minced out’ from Bolognaise, he won’t eat lamb now as some minted lamb shanks have put him off it. He won’t eat anything with rice/pasta, anything covered in breadcrumbs, anything too ‘herby’.

It doesn’t stop at my door with his criticism, his Mother and the takeaways/restaurants get it too. The sauce was too thick, there was not enough chicken in the kebab, the chips were soggy, the battered cod was too greasy...it’s endless.

We tried HelloFresh. Out of the hundred recipes only 3 made it into the acceptable pile.

I’ve told my partner to cook dinner if I’m so terrible at cooking, the few occasions that he has, well, he criticised his own cooking too

Suggestions? I will even accept LTB

I had put the chicken on the wrong side of the plate

Does he have some kind of disability that he is unable to rearrange the food on his plate to his liking?
Or even turn the fucking plate round?
You are letting him walk all over you I’m afraid.

You sound so lovely. Please take on board what everyone is saying and change your life for the better, get rid of this horrible person from your life. Let us know, we might be strangers on a forum but I for one feel upset you are with such a vile "man". Would you want any of your children being with a crap partner like him? Share this thread with a trusted friend or family member this weekend and get an exit plan sorted, then follow through

@AlexaAmbidextra

Thats really made me laugh so much

if something I have done doesn’t quite meet his satisfaction,

OK, just for the record, one of the truly best, most brilliant bits of being an adult is that you get to decide your own quality standards. If he ever nitpicks again, tell just laugh at him and tell him to jog on.

Either he is a decent human being and will settle down ... or the decision is up to you.

Don't let another adult do this to you. Life is for enjoying, just the way you are. If he doesn't like it, there is the door.

Here is any other rule of life that will stand you in good stead: don't cook a second time for anyone who doesn't thank you and tell you it was marvellous the first time you make good for them. Make sure you take turns are all domestic chores.

because he couldn’t sleep that I wasn’t allowed too either.

OK, this is getting serious.

Run. Run for your life.

he moaned that the Yorkshire puddings didn’t have enough of a hole in the middle for his gravy to go in and that I had put the chicken on the wrong side of the plate

Surely the only appropriate response to that shit is to tip his entire plate of food into his lap, then pour the entire boat of gravy on top.

LTB - he will slowly drain the life out of you.

I couldn't imagine being with someone who didn't share my love of food. Just when you both bite into something incredible and you share that look, that oh my God this is heaven look. Even my children do it!

@TreeClimbingCat This made me laugh. DS loves his food and considers himself a "foodie" (he's 8). The other day I pulled together leftovers into a pasta sauce for him. As he was scraping the last bits off his plate he looked up at me, made a satisfied "umm umm" noise and gave me a thumbs up. It was brilliant.

OP - he sounds like a twat. Sorry. DH can sometimes be a bit fussy but he is always appreciative, especially if I'm accommodating him, and he would never expect me to change everything to try please him. As for the waking up in the night? Oh my god. I couldn't be doing with that.

Stop cooking for him. You’re not his mother.

His sly comments aren't acceptable either, basically he's a tosser.

Why are you with him? And putting up with this shite? Is he a demon in the sack and can take you to levels no woman could ever dream of, or do you maybe have self esteem issues and don't understand the impact of being with someone who slowly but surely puts you down and eventually eradicates who you are?

Why are you being upset by his comments instead of roaring to him to shove his nasty little digs up his arse, why are you trying to cook stuff to please him instead of cooking for yourself an eating your own meal in front of him and telling him he knows where the kitchen is if he's fucking hungry?

@Bluntness100

Well yes the sex is great, but certainly I can find that again in another healthier relationship.

I guess I don’t roar at him because I’ve been conditioned to placate because of a previous relationship and I would say in that this is to my detriment in this relationship. I will bite back calmly if needs be. Maybe I need to start roaring!

I think you need to just bin him off. Just because he's not shouting out you doesn't mean he's not controlling you.

Do you feel on edge the whole time you're eating, just waiting for him to complain?
You know that's not ok.

What an absolutely joyless cunt he sounds.

Ungrateful, miserable, spoiled little cunt.

Fuck him off.

Oh my god. These two things (and I'm sure there are more) are probably the sort of stuff that would annoy me more than anything.

I cook for my DH (DCs flown the nest, he's a hopeless cook,). There is very very little he doesn't like. There might be stuff he would prefer but he never voices it because
I am preparing and cooking the meal

So for instance, when I do fish pie which I love, but it isn't his fave, he still finds a compliment somewhere! After 33 years of marriage, he still says after every single meal, 'that was a lovely meal, thank you'.

I would go batshit crazy if my OH criticised what I cooked. In fact he'd be wearing the meal on his head.

Your other thing... him deliberately waking you because he can't sleep. I would be incandescent with rage because I am generally a bad sleeper.

Stop this man in his tracks OP. He sounds awful.

God.. What a bore

I read certain posts & wonder how on earth some beyond rude and tedious men can actually get a woman to stay with them.

Get rid.

Life’s too short.

Because they are ‘not that bad’ and could be worse

Mine was in response as to @DeeCeeCherry

Obviously I do not mean he could be worse... he is bad enough! But to answer why - that is why

Sounds dreadful! I don't have advice as I have the same problem with my child and haven't resolved it yet.

Always had a theory: boring about food, boring in bed. Obviously not looking for a response for that... just been my experience!

Never mind the abuse and walking on eggshells life with him sounds utterly joyless, this is no way to live!

This is not trivial, it's him being rude and ungrateful to you consistently!

And you've only been together 18 months?! God he sounds like an absolute fun sponge.

If this was a teen son we were talking about everyone would tell you to stop cooking for him and he can sort himself out, let alone a grown man who has only been your boyfriend for 18 months!

Do NOT be grateful that someone isnt physically abusing you. I've been in your position before and thought my boyfriend after my violent ex was a saint because he didn't hit me. He was a nob who made me feel shit about myself but my boundaries were still skewed and my expectations were on the floor.

Waking you up at night? This is textbook and so cruel. Been there and it was so exhausting being with someone so manipulative already, let alone on no sleep.

Being single is so much better than being with a miserable fun sponge who doesn't appreciate you. Get out now and be proud of yourself for recognising the signs x

I will bite back calmly if needs be. Maybe I need to start roaring!

No, you need to LEAVE. You now know, he is showing you a different form of abuse. You knew this already, that's why you did your little experiment with pretending to be asleep, deep down, your gut was already telling you that he was deliberately waking you. Why don't you trust yourself? This person is abusive. The food issue aside, he deliberately wakes you up. That is a form of coercive control, depriving someone of sleep is abuse.

Abusive people do not change. All you can do is change your own behaviour by learning to spot these people and leave at the first opportunity.

@GiveHerHellFromUs

Yes I am on edge from the moment I put the dinner on the table. He seems to start with a food inspection, prodding everything, moving food around. I understand cutting meat to check it’s cooked through but he holds it up to the light quite dramatically 🙄
I then slyly watch him from under my eyes as he then starts tasting a bit of it all which is then followed by whatever face he chooses to do to display his disapproval or unsurity. I even get noises like tuts and chattering noises like a squirrel sometimes to try and get my attention if he doesn’t like it.

I just eat and wait for the complaints, that sums it up.

It’s so disheartening.

It’s so disheartening.

Not the words I would choose...disrespectful/rude/childish/embarrassing (and if he's not embarrassed by his behaviour then he ought to be).

What's disheartening is that you want to continue a relationship with this twat.

wow just wow, if this is what it's like after 18 months god help what it will be like in another 18 months...