Fussy partner with food!

[MellowMelly]

This will probably sound completely trivial but it’s seriously causing issues.
My partner is ridiculously fussy with food. The main bone of contention is dinner. He is never happy no matter what I serve up and I’m finding cooking now to be an utter chore rather than enjoyable and I’m so limited to what I can cook for him now it’s become ridiculous.
I’m fed up of serving up food and watching as he pushes his food around the plate whilst actually pulling faces and then starts critiquing it either during the meal or after. Apparently the chicken the other night was chewy and inedible (he made sure I knew this by making it obvious that he was struggling to cut it, I however had no problems) the hake I cooked was watery and had no taste (it had a lemon and dill sauce on it), the pizza was definitely not hot enough so therefore not cooked properly and might make him ill, he is ‘minced out’ from Bolognaise, he won’t eat lamb now as some minted lamb shanks have put him off it. He won’t eat anything with rice/pasta, anything covered in breadcrumbs, anything too ‘herby’.

It doesn’t stop at my door with his criticism, his Mother and the takeaways/restaurants get it too. The sauce was too thick, there was not enough chicken in the kebab, the chips were soggy, the battered cod was too greasy...it’s endless.

We tried HelloFresh. Out of the hundred recipes only 3 made it into the acceptable pile.

I’ve told my partner to cook dinner if I’m so terrible at cooking, the few occasions that he has, well, he criticised his own cooking too

Suggestions? I will even accept LTB

@ravenmum
Because he is not holding the pillow down on my head is he? He is flumping it on my head to wake me up. If he was bloody trying to suffocate me then my worry would hardly be about the fussing over food.

But pulled your hair and bit you on the arse? Mellow, are you living with this arsehole? He's ramping it up. You need to get out and STOP dating until you do some major work on yourself.

Oh god he sounds like a fucking ticking timebomb OP I'm glad you know you need to leave.

Do you live together? Even if not I would get your locks changed to be honest, not worth the risk with a nutter like this.

You've left an abuser before and you can do it again. It's so common to go from a physically abusive relationship to another type of abusive relationship.

Don't feel stupid for it, you know what's happened and you have recognised you need to get out now.

Wishing you luck

Every post makes him sound worse. He somehow sounds miserable, needy, creepy, dangerous and a massive drip all at the same time. Not sure how you manage to summon up the attraction to sleep with him at all , never mind cook for him!!

@PatellarTendonitis

Yes I am living with him but I have my own home that my daughter and grand daughter live in. His behaviour has significantly changed since I moved in a month ago.

Utterly stupid of me.

Well at least you've come to your senses now, OP.

He's a bloody odd one.... you sound lovely and worthy of someone really nice.

Bin this one off, move back in with your daughter & grandaughter, enjoy cooking for them and sleep without fear of the arse-biting nutter.

Based on your latter posts, this guy is extremely dangerous, not just in a general way but in a real, immediate, he could become very violent today, kind of way.

What steps can you take today to get away from him op? V v worried for you. He is not a safe person.

I think they’ll be incredibly upset for me that I’ve picked another plonker. My daughter now knows and she has told me to get out too.

Don't beat yourself up. I'll bet they will be delighted you have recognised his awful behaviour and are planning to leave.

He sounds very strange. Please get out ASAP. Can you go today?

Get out, Melly, just clear off. It was mistake to move in so soon when he was already showing you he was a dick. There's nothing you can do about that now but you need to be in a safe place and right now, you can't even sleep in your own bed without being treated badly. His behaviour ramped up because he believes he has you where he wants you. Please get away from him and NO more dating for a long long while.

Why are you cooking his meals? Is he a child? Are you his parent?

He will be back at 5pm ish tonight. I don’t think I can get out by then. Monday morning is probably the safer option as he will be back at work and it gives me more time to pack and leave. It also gives me the weekend to put some safe gaurding measures in place for my daughter and I as he knows exactly where that house is.

I'm shocked at the updates, what a bastard he is but I'm so pleased you have realised that he is abusive and have decided to leave.

My brain is buzzing now and I actually have the shakes.

Based on your latter posts, this guy is extremely dangerous, not just in a general way but in a real, immediate, he could become very violent today, kind of way.

This. He's not a "plonker" OP, he's properly abusive in a no doubt about it kind of way.

What's your plan of action for getting out? Can you talk to your employer about keeping you safe? I know this isn't possible with some employers but at larger companies I've worked at we sometimes have protocol for safeguarding and support.

Oh bless you OP.
I'm glad you're making the decision to leave.
Hope you can get out quickly and safely x

Well done OP you have outed him to yourself as the abuser he is. Now you can kick this arse-biting, pillow flumping, hair pulling over-entitled food critic out of your life for good. What an absolute arse of a wanker he is. It made me so angry reading about his creepy abuse.

I'd make up a family emergency and leave in the next half hour. Then leave for good on Monday. He's ramped this up dangerously.

Please keep yourself safe, he really sounds dangerous.

I know exactly how you feel my son is the same and has to have a different meal cooked for him from the rest of us 95% of the time. Only likes chicken, Turkey or fish with no bread crumbs.
Will only eat penne pasta or spaghetti no other shape. No potatoes no chips no eggs only crusty bread. No cheese only cheese on toast. No homemade curry or stew. The list is endless but doesn't believe he's fussy and thinks he eats more than the rest of us. 🙈

@YasssKween

I work in a hospital so will ask if they have any schemes like that. Thank you.

My escape plan is for Monday. I think that’s safest as he will be out of the house and he can’t try anything. I can also arrange over the weekend more support just in case it takes a bad turn.

@lisag1969 please RTFT ffs. Unless your son bites your arse at night too...

I feel so sorry for you my son is exactly the same going out for food even holidays are an absolute nightmare Because of this x

Good luck OP and please stay safe.

I have terrible trouble sleeping but I'd never dream (hah) of waking my partner up to keep me company. This man sounds awful

He sounds like the guy in the visiting BIL thread a while ago where he was a right moany bastard who complained about everything, not just the food. I'm wondering if it's the same guy?

I'd stop trying to placate him with food, find your anger and don't put up with this shit!!

Are you cooking for him this evening? If so, I'd take great relish in enjoying my dinner in front of him. Faux concern that his chicken was too "tough" to cut whilst wolfing mine down my problem type thing.,. If you can stomach having another meal with him at all

@MellowMelly

I work in a hospital so will ask if they have any schemes like that. Thank you.

That's great news (as much as anything can be in this situation) as they should have decent linked services that can support and at the very least advise you on this.

Please do keep talking on here if you find it helps and you need some help or signposting to resources, it can be invaluable as a support network.

It's so shit you will have been through this twice BUT it means you know you can do it. I would get yourself safe then look at some counselling before even thinking about another relationship so that people can't take advantage of your vulnerability.

I've never been pursued by so many abusive men as when I was anorexic and fresh out of a DV situation. Even though outwardly to most people I looked well out together and gobby as fuck. It's like abusers can sense vulnerability even from across a crowded room.

Thinking of you