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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dumped by text

1000 replies

user1471427667 · 20/01/2020 12:30

Bf of 2 years sent me this text in the early hours of this morning.
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best”
I feel absolutely blindsided. Didn’t see this coming at all. Aside from the shock of it, I feel so dismissed that he put “no need to reply” as if he I don’t have a say in it ( well I know I don’t but the urge is to try and talk about what he feels is wrong)
Should I ignore what he said and try and contact him to find out what’s wrong and try and work it through or at least end it amicably? Or just accept it somehow and not reply.
I feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach and everything I thought was real just isn’t.
Please help me retain some dignity and tell me best way to reply or not.

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 20/01/2020 17:21

I’d rather that than be dragged on a date to be dumped. Just block him and do not text him back

notthisshitagain · 20/01/2020 17:22

"How dare you be so arrogant as to feel it's your place to decide what I need, or need not, do. That is, I can only assume you're referring to my needs, as yours are certainly no longer of any concern to me. I actually do feel the need to tell you what a monumental prick you are. Figuratively speaking, of course. Thanks for making this so easy".

But don't, obviously.

Sorry, OP Thanks

jellybean85 · 20/01/2020 17:27

No it's not at all but it's colourful and silly and quirky and took my mind off it all

MzHz · 20/01/2020 17:27

Let silence be YOUR weapon of choice

LOVE this!

Jonsnowsghost · 20/01/2020 17:30

Yes be strong! I told mine what a coward he was ha ha. I also have been going to therapy as previously suggested by another poster, it's definitely helped and I would recommend it. Being blindsided like this is a horrible feeling but you did nothing to deserve being treated this way.

DianaT1969 · 20/01/2020 17:30

Not sure if it has already been said, but on a different thread a poster responded with just a thumbs up to a similar text. She got great delight out of knowing how confused he'd be by that 😂
You sound lovely OP, and I hope you find someone really special soon.
Unfortunately, some men are fine and good company for a while, but then surprise us by being shitty cowards. I had one too. He won't change. So I'm not jealous of the subsequent women in his life. He is capable of behaving like that to anyone.

Honeyroar · 20/01/2020 17:33

I was once dumped by a letter through the door - full of Robbie Williams lyrics “I’ve got too much blood running through my veins to waste on something not real” etc. I sent a text back saying “Don’t worry, it’s fine, you were never going to be marriage for me, it was just casual. All the best”.

THEN I ignored his “what do you mean I wasn’t marriage material??” texts.

However I admire those of you that can keep your tongues and hold your heads up. I might send a text saying “I think it’s cold and pathetic ending a two year relationship by text. We could have easily talked and come to the ending it conclusion. Left things on a nice note.”

Sugarcainx · 20/01/2020 17:35

All the suggestions are excellent. Silence speaks volumes but i'm one who can't hold my tongue, i'd say, "Well if you were able to end a two year relationship by text, you are a massive coward and i've had a very lucky escape. Ciao'

Sugarcainx · 20/01/2020 17:36

Also, really sorry this is happening. I know how it must feel, 2 years is a long time. 💐

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 20/01/2020 17:37

Let silence be YOUR weapon of choice

Fuck that, I'd be going through his front door with a chainsaw.

Got dumped by email once. I emailed back calling him a pathetic coward. Did the pick me dance for 6 months and then spent years getting over him.

notthisshitagain · 20/01/2020 17:47

You could have replied instantly saying "I've felt it for a while. But after you said all that soppy, cringeworthy nonsense the other night, I didn't know how to tell you. I just wanted to say thanks for making it easier for us both"

WhatsInAName19 · 20/01/2020 17:52

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread, just your responses. What a bastard. I'm so sorry for you Flowers

I agree that silence is golden here. Either that or just a simple "👍" which drives people absolutely insane.

Other alternative if you usually see him on Mondays is to turn up at his as usual and pretend you didn't get the message. Force him to actually behave like a grown up and do the right thing. But there's about a 1% chance it will make you feel better and a 99% chance it will just make you feel even worse.

OxfordCat · 20/01/2020 17:53

I agree you should reply - just once - because he's TOLD you not to.

"That's the last time you tell me what I 'need'. Thank you for confirming my suspicions that I'm a much better person than you, and revealing what a total twat you in fact are.👍🏼"

Then block.

theprincessmittens · 20/01/2020 17:59

@ALittleBitConfused1

Same thing happened to me...I (24) was very upset one Saturday night, as neighbours were making a din at 3am and I had to be up for work at 7am Sunday morning....I cried a little to partner (25) and said I wished we could move (rented property).

Went to work Sunday, came home at 8pm....opened the door, wondered why there was a key on the hall floor...partner had completely stripped the flat, his belongings, my brand new stereo and some of my furniture while I was at work, and then posted his key through the front door...and run back to his mummy...

This was in 1993, so before mobiles and the internet. I didn't even have a landline! I remember rushing out to the nearest call box and having to ring his mother, screaming abuse at both her and him and threatening to call the police if he didn't return my property....he did, that same night...

All this time later I still can't believe what a coward he was. I'd broken my ankle badly earlier that year, tearing all the ligaments in my leg as well and had to take months off work as it wasn't healing properly. I'd lost a lot of weight and had a fall re-breaking the ankle a week after the initial plaster was off. He wasn't the greatest support but I'd put that down to him being super busy at work. When he left, I'd only been back at my own work (in a very physical job) for a week...

Anyway, long story short, I wish I'd been more dignified the day he left, even though I still think the spineless weasel deserved my anger.

Silence is golden. And dignified.

Doggybiccys · 20/01/2020 18:10

Sorry this has happened to you OP and no doubt you are hurting. I’d be tempted to just respond with the thumbs up!

ofay · 20/01/2020 18:12

TheSecondMrsAshwell, You have made my day.

keepingbees · 20/01/2020 18:18

If feelings weren't involved it would be lovely to make him squirm by pretending you'd not had any text and cheerily turn up at his door tonight as agreed.
Just imagine his face as he has to explain that actually he's not expecting you as he dumped you by text.

livefornaps · 20/01/2020 18:18

Don't reply but DO leave a shit on his doorstep in about 6 weeks' time

user1471427667 · 20/01/2020 18:19

Princess mittens - that’s awful, 10 years!
To everyone suggesting the thumbs up sign, thank you. Even the thought of it has made me smile😀 I’ve even typed it into my phone under his text but not sent it. So funny. 👍

OP posts:
user1471427667 · 20/01/2020 18:23

Keeping bees - one of my first thoughts after initial shock was to turn up there tonight, but I’m not that good an actress. In my head I’d be cool and calm but reality, when I see him would be different, I fear.
I would be at his by now normally on a Monday. Cooking us something while he gets me a glass of wine and teasing me about my taste in music as we dance around the kitchen. Yes, we really were that happy. Or so I thought.
Feeling a bit low now

OP posts:
user1471427667 · 20/01/2020 18:26

Honeyroar - omg! I shouldn’t laugh, but Robbie Williams lyrics!!! He sounds like a right nob! You are well rid

OP posts:
keepingbees · 20/01/2020 18:27

No not many people would be able to pull it off OP, it's just a shame he can't be pulled up on his shitty behaviour. I'm not surprised you're sad and confused.

You could make a new Monday routine. Can you see a friend or find a club/group?
Do something for you tonight, bubble bath, chocolates, wine, book etc. It won't make it any easier but you deserve some tlc.

user1471427667 · 20/01/2020 18:27

Jellybean - thanks, sounds perfect

OP posts:
nevernotstruggling · 20/01/2020 18:28

I think I would want to know why

GiveHerHellFromUs · 20/01/2020 18:39

Another good reason not to text him: if there's another woman she'll be desperate to know what you replied with and she won't believe him that you haven't responded so it'll make her super paranoid

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