Dumped by text

[user1471427667]

Bf of 2 years sent me this text in the early hours of this morning.
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best”
I feel absolutely blindsided. Didn’t see this coming at all. Aside from the shock of it, I feel so dismissed that he put “no need to reply” as if he I don’t have a say in it ( well I know I don’t but the urge is to try and talk about what he feels is wrong)
Should I ignore what he said and try and contact him to find out what’s wrong and try and work it through or at least end it amicably? Or just accept it somehow and not reply.
I feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach and everything I thought was real just isn’t.
Please help me retain some dignity and tell me best way to reply or not.

[FlowerArranger]

What 45HollyBollyBooBoo said!

He is waiting for you to reply. Don't give him the satisfaction. Even a witty put-down would feed his ego. Don't do it, keep stumm.

Closure is so, so overrated. He'd never tell you the truth.

Look after yourself. Let selfcare be your motto going forward.

[MissDew]

Sent it at 3am - possibly post shag as he had, 'nailed' the new bird. Or just drunk enough to have the courage. He ended the relationship first, then told you i.e. took his belongings from your house last Friday.

It's his, 'I'll do what I like' attitude of the 3am text that makes me think, 'wanker.'

I also think this is a tried and true phrase for breaking up with someone that he's used before or he didn't know what to say so he got some coaching from his mates. It just sounds so impersonal. Also the sheer bloody arrogance of telling you no reply was needed.

Bullet dodged.

Imagine your silence us like deliberately knocking over a can of sulphuric acid and it silently and slowly eats away at the layers.

Let it be a long silence. A very long silence.

If you respond to his text (even though it's galling to be doing as he asked) you will get HIS long silence as a response. Nope. Let silence be YOUR weapon of choice.

[SilverySurfer]

What a scumbag. I think I would have sent a text back - damn, you beat me to it - then block. Would have given him something to think about.

He's obviously not good enough for you OP - good luck finding someone who is.

[Equanimitas]

I'd be tempted to reply "Not surprised you didn't have the manners or the balls to tell me in person. Delighted not to have a coward in my life any more."

[Cobblersandhogwash]

He sent it in the small hours because he thought you'd be asleep and not reply.

He's probably blocked you now anyway so I wouldn't bother replying.

What a truly nasty piece of work he is. Truly.

I'm really sorry you have encountered someone like this.

[PicsInRed]

Here's a cheering thought...

www.askamanager.org/2017/08/i-ghosted-my-ex-and-shes-about-to-be-my-new-boss.html

[Lobsterquadrille2]

If you respond to his text (even though it's galling to be doing as he asked) you will get HIS long silence as a response. Nope. Let silence be YOUR weapon of choice.

@MissDew excellent words.

[thatmustbenigelwiththebrie]

I'd pretend I hadn't got it. Message him as normal ("fancy the cinema on Tuesday?" That kind of thing). Then you're putting HIM in an awkward posting as he will have to decide how to tell you he's ended it.

[GiveHerHellFromUs]

I'd genuinely text back and ask "do I need an STI check?"

Just that. Nothing else. Completely unemotional and factual and may well trigger an actual explanation.

Either "I don't think so but up to you" or "no it's nothing like that, I just...".

[Jonsnowsghost]

So sorry this has happened to you! What a coward. I had similar earlier this year, after a year and a half I got a text to say "something happened" with another girl and he wanted to see her instead of me and he would "understand if I never spoke to him again" 🙄 (it was very long winded but that's what it boiled down to).
It's such a disgusting, cowardly way to treat someone. I was devastated and I did unfortunately for me text back a lot but I regret doing that now. I would just ignore him, you deserve better.

[DressesWithPocketsRockMyWorld]

Even though it will be killing you not to, I wouldnt reply! Fuck him he doesnt deserve anything more from you. Prick.

[Chochito]

Sorry about this, OP. You deserve much, much better, and you will find it and have a meaningful relationship that brings you joy and support.

Either don't reply or, if he has something of yours that you want returned, send a brief and factual message to let him know how he should return it.

Good luck, and lots of love.

[user1471427667]

Ahhhhhh, wrote a really long message and lost it!!!
MissDew - agree with you!
I keep going over everything he said and did on Friday. Lying in bed staring really intently at me after we had just made love. I jokingly sort of tickled him and asked him what he was doing. He said he couldn’t believe how someone as beautiful as me was with him and that he didn’t deserve me. Now I’m thinking that’s because he knew he was going to treat me like a piece of shit by end of weekend!
I HATE him!
I love him 😞
Just need to get through the next few hours

[Sagradafamiliar]

You're strong as fuck to resist texting him. You're doing the best thing. Take the satisfaction away from him and have him trying to work out who really ghosted who. He'll be expecting a reply. Fuck that.
Anything you reply would only make you feel good for about a minute anyway. Keep on keeping on as you are.

[TimeForPlentyIn2020]

If you respond to his text (even though it's galling to be doing as he asked) you will get HIS long silence as a response. Nope. Let silence be YOUR weapon of choice

Ooooh, very well put!

[Sunsetandmoonlight]

I know on MN ignoring and blocking are always recommended but I do think people should be called on their behaviour more, especially in circumstances like this. Why should he get away with treating someone in such a cowardly way?

[Notcoolmum]

How awful. What an utter pathetic coward of a man. I'm so sorry. You must be devastated. I would try very hard to do no contact. And take it an hour at a time. Be kind to yourself and surround yourself with friends.

[user1471427667]

Thanks again guys, you are all fab.
I’m going over scenario of texting him and nothing would make me feel better.
If I sent him an angry text, I doubt he would reply and he would know he’d got to me.
If I send him a cold ‘okay’ type text. He would probably feel like he’d been let off the hook.
If I send a sad, pleading text, he’ll feel bad (probably)and just want to end conversation ASAP.
If I don’t reply, he will wonder wtf am I thinking. ( or he may not give a shit, but I think at some point, he will wonder )
That thought alone is keeping me from texting him!
Just rang a friend and we are meeting later so it will seem even more real then.

[Notcoolmum]

I understand what you means @Sunsetandmoonlight but the thing is he has switched off now and has demonstrated that by his cold cowardly message. By seeing a message she is then waiting for his reply. My advice isn't about him. It is to protect the OP from any further hurt.

[EKGEMS]

"Why would you end our relationship in such a cowardly manner?"Considering how long we were together you could've told me in person like an adult before we had sex but oh,well. Someday if you have a daughter and she's on the receiving end of similar treatment you'll understand"

[user1471427667]

Sunset - I do know what you mean, but, he KNOWS what a shitty thing that was to do. He can think about that and have it on his conscience.
Notcoolmum - thank you

[Glitterb]

completely agree with @toomanyleggings! You will be watching for a text and the ball goes back in his court and then you will be annoyed with yourself. It was a shitty thing to do and he was obviously planning it if he took all his stuff, you deserve better than this twatty boy! No response is what he deserves!

[Longblondeandblueeyes]

Am I the only person, wondering whether the boyfriend has had a very short term fling, and that text was meant for her?

Seems awfully weird to end a 2 year relationship by text!

[hellsbellsmelons]

@Longblondeandblueeyes - yes you are.
He took all his things from OP's house on Friday on the pretext of a 'camping trip'
He's had this planned for a little while.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

I'm coming down in the 'silence is golden' camp.

If you don't reply it will drive him mad, wondering if a) you actually even GOT the text, b) if you are secretly relieved because you'd been finding him a tedious tit lately c) you can't even be bothered to reply because your life has become so exciting without him in it...

etc etc. He doesn't deserve a reply. A text like that after two years...what a coward.