Dumped by text

[user1471427667]

Bf of 2 years sent me this text in the early hours of this morning.
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best”
I feel absolutely blindsided. Didn’t see this coming at all. Aside from the shock of it, I feel so dismissed that he put “no need to reply” as if he I don’t have a say in it ( well I know I don’t but the urge is to try and talk about what he feels is wrong)
Should I ignore what he said and try and contact him to find out what’s wrong and try and work it through or at least end it amicably? Or just accept it somehow and not reply.
I feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach and everything I thought was real just isn’t.
Please help me retain some dignity and tell me best way to reply or not.

I'm so inspired by how you've handled this op.

OP he has been so unbelievably weird it almost makes me think that he may have had an OW and his cold text was meant to be finishing with her and not you. Hence his out of the blue "hey" and "?" type messages and no explanation, as if he's genuinely surprised not to hear from you

If that was the case then he’d have to be spectacularly dim not to have worked it out by now.

OP, at least he’s given you a great title for your first album or autobiography: No Need to Reply.

Thanks once again for keeping me on track. After a run and a long bath, I had a really good nights sleep and I woke up feeling much better about everything.
I know the likelihood is that he is with someone else as a lot of you are saying, but I have no desire to dig around/try and find out. I’ve told friends I don’t want to know unless it’s somebody I know.
A bit like with not replying to his texts - I can’t see a good outcome to finding out. In time, the full story may emerge, and by then it may not matter. But right now, it would solve no purpose but to upset me.
I have seen people get totally obsessed with tracking down their ex’s, asking others what is going on etc and I just don’t want that. Again, it would be focusing on HIM and what HE’S doing and I have no control over that. I just need to concentrate on getting myself through this.

Great !
You are still doing really well.

Well done OP.
You're doing so well and sounds like you have great friends around you.

Thanks @AnneKipanki, no idea if I am really doing well, as it doesn’t feel like it a lot of the time, but it’s good to know from unbiased opinions ( ie. not my friends and family) that I seem to be on the right track.
I’ve had breakups before, but usually fairly mutual and always respectful, so this cold shutting off is completely new territory to me and most of the time I feel like I’m floundering about not knowing which way is up!

@HappyHoppyHippo My friends have been amazing. It’s made me appreciate them even more. Also, the kindness of strangers aka Mumsnet!!!

We are all still here with you OP x

Well done for focusing on you in the fall out from the NNTR A-hole, I hope one day you meet an amazing man who treats such a special lady as you deserve

@Gemma2019& @HappyExteriorSadInterior - he cleaned out OP's place of his clothes and toiletries prior to his shitty txt. Seems like text was def meant for OP and that he planned it.... :/

In any event he's been a complete muppet with he way he's subsequently handled it and if that text was meant for another woman then he's def an a-hole. It would be nice for OP to get closure but very rarely does the 'victim' get closure or finality so best she just continues her own healing journey and stays away from his family...

If he apologised or even acknowledged his shitty behaviour, he would be admitting that he is a cvnt. He wants you to brush it under the carpet and collude in self deception that it never happened. That the do not reply text never happened and is a figment of your imagination. That sends shivers down my spine. It would be a sign of worse to come. He is a charmer, a liar and a gadlighter. You can't always spot these types as they can be very polished performers. And even believe their own bullshit. Celebrate your escape OP. Awesome

I’ve been reading your updates in absolutely awe at your dignity and self control. It’s not something I’ve ever managed to do in previous relationships and it’s always been something I wished I had done. In the months to come, when thinking of him makes you feel nothing at all, you will be so glad you’ve dealt with things like this.

Like our whole relationship was a joke, a game and that now he is mocking me. Stop this though. Your relationship wasn’t a joke. He was the joke. And he’s too stupid to mock you. He’s so stupid, he thinks he can treat you like that, then manipulate you into talking to him simply by sending you some ‘do you remember’ texts! What a dickhead! Sooner or later, you’ll get past the pain and will be able to laugh at him and how arrogant and stupid he is.

Just finished reading this and honest to god, OP, I’ve been cheering you on. The BEST thing you could have done is to totally and utterly ignore every single pathetic bit of communication from him and you did. I’d have caved and messaged back, but what you’ve done is far, far more effective. You’ve cut him dead the way he’d intended to do it you and he can’t cope at all. Good riddance to him! Stay strong

@user1471427667 you really are a wonder! well done! this takes strength and determination and as hard as its been, you're winning in this.

He is pitifully pathetic.

And the fact that you have not repleied means that he KNOWS this.

His texts are ALL about him. He doesn't deserve any attention whatsotever

OP you’re right about not wanting to know if there is an OW just yet. A few years ago I was cruelly dumped whilst abroad with him. We’d been together about a year, first holiday. He was a bit odd in hindsight before we went but I put it down to nerves. He dumped me abroad where I had no family or friends. He was cruel. It was hideous and there was no explanation. I still had to travel back with him and drive him back from the airport.
When we got back, after some upset on texts and emails (I didn’t have your dignity) I went NC. It was about a year later I found out that he’d met someone else a few weeks before our holiday. Rather than be honest and let me maybe use the holiday to go away with a friend or relative, he led me on and used me until the night before we came home. When I found out about OW I was so over it that I didn’t care and I didn’t react. He still I presume has no idea I ever found out (twat). It did suddenly mean everything made sense and I realised there was an explanation after all, he was just too much of a spineless coward to be honest with me. I heard she dumped him recently which gave me a wry smile

I think you will look back at this relationship and think you had a lucky escape, OP. I know it hurts like hell right now, but each day is one step forward. You are doing great!

This is so kind of you all to keep posting, even after all these weeks. I can’t describe how helpful and cathartic it has been writing it all down when my head and heart just feel like exploding at times.
@Sn0tnose - you are right, I shouldn’t think that our relationship was a joke. To me, it very much wasn’t a joke and I loved him. If I start feeling down, I can feel myself starting to think those negative thoughts, but I need to stop that.

Aminuts23 oh no! How awful while you are on holiday abroad! Like you say, why not just be honest and let you holiday with someone else. How did he think that would pan out telling you when you are on holiday together and away from any support?
Glad you got the last laugh ( or wry smile anyway!)
It’s the coldness I can’t get over. Fine, he wanted to break up - I would still be heartbroken but it happens. But the way he cut me off in that text “no need to reply” and “best wishes “ like I’m some casual business associate that he longer wants to do business with, is something else entirely. The subsequent lack of any sort of apology and the pathetic texts all about himself compounds it even more. It actually makes me physically shudder when I think about it sometimes. It’s like getting off a plane when you have been away somewhere hot and stepping out into freezing temperatures dressed in shorts and flip flops . All the warmth being taken away is a total body shock.
Enough dwelling for one day! Going to think of some activities for this weekend

Sounds a bit like narcissistic, 'hoovering' i.e. nostalgia from when he remarked on a pub you both went to.

He won't refer to how he broke up with you, to cowardly.

1. Can't we forget about it (easier for him)
2. Doesn't want to admit to why he did it i.e. other woman either real or in prospect.

It doesn't suit him that you are ignoring him. So keep ignoring him. I like the PP's suggestion of re-naming him in your phone contacts as, 'no need to reply' as a reminder as well as an instruction.

Him texting you as if you are still together just shows his supreme arrogance and how little he thinks of you.

He has neither balls or backbone or honesty. You are well rid.

@user1471427667

Bloody well done.

You hold all the power now and he is the one clutching at straws.

He is desperate for you to reply so that the power shifts back to him. Plus after so long if you text back now he will know he has got to you.

Silence is golden, dignified, classy. It's also extremely powerful.

I know you are hurting, and that it will take time to heal, which you will, but he doesn't know you are hurting, all he knows is that you have all the power and he has none. What a dick.

Have fun planning this weekend and stay strong, you really have done yourself proud.

You are doing amazing OP. I am impressed with your determination and self control. Good work

Well he certainly picked the wrong woman to do this to.

Like many other posters, but I'd never have been able to keep this up like you have op;

All hail user1471427667!!
(Any chance you could change that name to something catchier ).

I’m the OP - user 1471427667!
I agree with @GilbertMarkham - it isn’t the snappiest of names. I suppose I only planned to write a couple of posts back a few weeks ago!!
Was going to change name to ‘No need to reply’ but don’t really want that cold reminder of him.

This basically happened to me at the same time! Military boyfriend who I had waited 7 months for ended our relationship over text 2 weeks before he was coming home.
I didn't have these hilarious and supportive messages to get me through, I replied and asked for closure and I messaged two weeks later, called him asking for a nice end, not even to ask him back.
Nothing. It's really really shit.
I wish from the bottom of my heart I had seen these! Because whether it affected him or not, silence would have been the better option!
Having said that, I don't regret it, I did what I felt I needed to do to get through it.
Still struggling at times. But this is really helping too!

Don't message him lovely. Spineless shit! He's a chicken nugget. Search for gold!

You're so amazing. This is a masterclass and you should be so proud.

This man is a total prick. Not to even acknowledge that an apology might be due?

It makes me so so cross. I think he has someone else lined up and it didn't pan out. His bed is a bit cold and he sends the cheeky ? He would have spent all night checking his phone for your reply. Haha.

Well, keep checking fucko, coz this woman is moving on to bigger and better things without a coward like you in her life.

Keep on keeping on

Keep running OP... don't look back ☺️