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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dumped by text

1000 replies

user1471427667 · 20/01/2020 12:30

Bf of 2 years sent me this text in the early hours of this morning.
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best”
I feel absolutely blindsided. Didn’t see this coming at all. Aside from the shock of it, I feel so dismissed that he put “no need to reply” as if he I don’t have a say in it ( well I know I don’t but the urge is to try and talk about what he feels is wrong)
Should I ignore what he said and try and contact him to find out what’s wrong and try and work it through or at least end it amicably? Or just accept it somehow and not reply.
I feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach and everything I thought was real just isn’t.
Please help me retain some dignity and tell me best way to reply or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471427667 · 26/02/2020 16:18

At first, I was desperate for him to contact me. Now, because I’ve had 5 weeks to come to terms with it, plus the fact his texts have been so shitty and just confirmed the fact that he wasn’t who I thought he was, I just want him to fade away.
It was about 2 weeks since his last message so maybe he is slowly getting the message.
I’m taking on board what everyone is saying and am going to keep on keeping on with my new life.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471427667 · 26/02/2020 16:21

@Lampan. Believe me, I do!! The lack of apology and the arrogance of ‘no need to reply’ phrase have stopped me many a time when my fingers have been hovering over my phone!

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 26/02/2020 16:30

Revenge via no reply
Is sweet
Awesome OP xx

sunshineANDsweetpeas · 26/02/2020 17:07

The only response I'd ever send is:

'Who is this?'

And when he responded with 'it's me baby' I'd stop texting again

But take no notice if me and keep doing whet you're doing Thanks your way us much better

Notwaggingmytail · 26/02/2020 17:15

If im dumped by text this is how i will handle it!

OtherVoicesOtherRooms · 26/02/2020 17:19

I heard from him again yesterday. A long rambling text (well 5 texts)

Oh God. He's vile OP.

I HATE him this kind of manipulative aresholery (is that even a word?).

Please stay focused on the 4 shitty words which sum up his absolute lack of respect for you.

I can't see how many posts are on this thread (I'm on the app) but if it's filling up please make a Part 2 so that we don't lose you OP.
You're brilliant.

Mikeymoo12 · 26/02/2020 17:27

Were the 5 texts all one big long message?

Original poster
user1471427667 · 26/02/2020 18:00

Yes, @ Mikeymoo12 , all one big message.
Home now and should be going to yoga class but can’t face it tonight with my stomach cramps - feel the very opposite of flexible!
Decided I will try and go for a run though - even if only a short one and even though it’s not raining :-(

OP posts:
Mikeymoo12 · 26/02/2020 18:16

Either yoga or a run will help! Love yoga personally as it's so spiritual

Davespecifico · 26/02/2020 18:34

He is a terrible twat. Imagine the tedium of him as he ages. You’re well shot of him.

Shockers · 26/02/2020 18:36

Do you think it’s time to block his number now (or did I read that there was a technical reason you couldn’t?). He’s just making you feel more sad. He’s a real twat to keep texting to try to keep you dangling after that first one.

Honeyroar · 26/02/2020 19:27

If he ever does turn up out of the blue you can be totally honest and tell him that his stone cold text with the “no need to reply” ending completely killed off any feelings that you ever had for him and you’re sorry but there’s absolutely no way back for you. Then shut the door or walk away.

Kalashnikova · 26/02/2020 19:44

I've read this entire thread and have found it so helpful and insightful. You are a paragon of restraint OP!!
It's also amazing to me that despite such clearly expressed thoughts from the OP about why she has chosen not to reply, so many of us cannot resist suggesting a pithy text message that we would want to send before blocking. Such is the temptation to have the last word and then attempt to end the conversation on our own terms, I suppose. But I can see this would have precisely the opposite effect. After reading such great advice from pp above, I am firmly in the camp of NEVER replying ever. Ever.
Run free in the rain! Let the lingering smell of this utter shit of a man dissipate in the wind and the weather! Revamp the bedroom!! Yessssss!

(Way too invested - sorry/not sorry!!)

bangheadhere40 · 26/02/2020 19:48

Don't ever reply, indifference is best and will mess him up a bit. No reaction, well there's no need to reply is there, so you aren't!

He's a twunt.

MadeForThis · 26/02/2020 19:51

Don't reply. It's obviously annoying him.

bangheadhere40 · 26/02/2020 19:53

I would rename him in your phone as 'no need to reply'.

FieldOfFlameAndHeather · 26/02/2020 19:54

All the best? Who the fuck says ‘all the best’ to his girlfriend of two years? Shock

That sounds like the sort of thing you say to a casual FWB who got themselves a proper GF, or someone you had two dates with. Confused

FieldOfFlameAndHeather · 26/02/2020 19:57

Should I ignore what he said and try and contact him to find out what’s wrong and try and work it through or at least end it amicably? Or just accept it somehow and not reply.

Do you know what, if you’ve got the self discipline to just accept it and not reply then that’s totally what you should do. It’s the very last thing he’ll expect and it will totally mess with his head.

OhCaptain · 26/02/2020 20:01

We still live in ignore town.

Clearly it’s bothering him...

BlueHarry · 26/02/2020 21:50

Hey op, three years ago that I started a post on MN saying that my boyfriend had gone back to his wife. I got a lot of cold responses from posters implying that I was other woman. This made me feel more hurt and upset until I got about half way through the thread it dawned on me that they were right. I felt so stupid. (I still think the responses were harsh tbf but they did open my eyes.) We were in a long distance relationship, it was a bit easier for him to get away with it. And I think I was also really a bit naive and stupid too at the time because I'd just believed everything he had told me. We had only been together for just over a year, we met up at least once a week and kept in touch by whatsapp every day and we'd chat for hours. And it had been really intense. I think I was "love bombed", no clue if that was intentional or just how he is.

Anyway, the way he let me know that he was "back" with his wife, was by changing his WhatsApp picture to one of the two of them. When I first saw it, I asked him what was going on. And he just replied in such a cold way that he and his wife were back together now. Technically he didn't even dump me. He'd been talking about moving in with me about a week beforehand. I really thought it was real.

I was crying all the time, I wasn't eating or sleeping. Then I posted that thread on Mumsnet, realised the whole thing had been a lie and something in me just changed and I went from devestated and heartbroken to angry and ... I don't know the word but it was like I'd had a revelation. Eventually that changed to indifference though I was stuck on "angry" for a while.

I stopped contacting him completely after the MN thread/revelation. Since then I have got either texts or emails or WhatsApp messages from him, approximately every couple of months (though I think that's tailing off now as he's been quiet for about 4 months). Telling me how sorry he is, how much of a better person he is now, and how much he loves me.

I've not replied to a single one of his messages. I feel absolutely nothing for him anymore. I deleted pictures of us when it first happened but occasionally find one I missed in my cloud, and I just don't have any feeling at all anymore. Delete and that's it. It's so easy now.

I know I'm a stranger to you but woman to woman I am proud of you for staying strong throughout this and resisting the urge to reply to him. It will get easier and easier. I know it's easy for me to say as an outsider but you've definitely had a lucky escape. It's just the cruelness of it all. So cold.

TripleSeptic · 26/02/2020 22:01

What an arsehole!! A 5 page "remember when..." story, you'd send that if you'd mutually agreed it wasn't working over something trivial, not if you'd dumped someone by text and disappeared with "no need to reply". Omg, my blood boils. What a twat. You didn't know him at all, and all being well he'll keep showing you who he is and only reaffirm that this was TOTALLY for the best ❤

MusicTeacherSussex · 26/02/2020 22:04

He messaged again? Pathetic! I would LOVE to know what the hell is going on in his head. Enjoy it OP, he's been reduced to the worm he always was.

Remember! No need to reply Grin

Friendsofmine · 26/02/2020 22:14

Mumsnet is great for a much needed wet fish slap of reality. As well as a cheerlead!

You are right OP. Keep on keeping on.

Gemma2019 · 26/02/2020 22:50

OP he has been so unbelievably weird it almost makes me think that he may have had an OW and his cold text was meant to be finishing with her and not you. Hence his out of the blue "hey" and "?" type messages and no explanation, as if he's genuinely surprised not to hear from you. The only thing that doesn't fit is him taking his clothes from your place, but he might have actually needed them for his weekend away. It's very bizarre.

But you are being awesome as always.

HappyExteriorSadInterior · 26/02/2020 23:29

Hi OP,

You are just fantastic and handling this really well. I have been following the whole thread and admire you so much.

I was just wondering if you were close to any of his friends or family? It might help to know if he has done this before? Has he got another woman?
Like Gemma2019 has just said it's all so weird, it does seem like there is a possibility he texted you but meant to send it to the OW instead.

Although saying all that, you are 5 weeks on now and you have handled this all with such dignity. Not replying to him or trying to find out why this has happened by some other means leaves you holding all the power. Maybe it's better just knowing that you are rid of this guy and in time it will feel like a 'lucky' escape.
Move on just like you are doing and soon he will simply be the "no need to reply" arsehole like you said!

Stay strong OP and keep moving forward in this positive way. You are a better person than he could ever hope to be x

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