Dumped by text

[user1471427667]

Bf of 2 years sent me this text in the early hours of this morning.
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best”
I feel absolutely blindsided. Didn’t see this coming at all. Aside from the shock of it, I feel so dismissed that he put “no need to reply” as if he I don’t have a say in it ( well I know I don’t but the urge is to try and talk about what he feels is wrong)
Should I ignore what he said and try and contact him to find out what’s wrong and try and work it through or at least end it amicably? Or just accept it somehow and not reply.
I feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach and everything I thought was real just isn’t.
Please help me retain some dignity and tell me best way to reply or not.

Not even so much as a ... I've been reminiscing on our time together, and I just wanted to say I'm really sorry for the shitty way I ended our relationship...

It's literally not that hard!!! Not one bit remorseful and he's itching for you to reply so he's resorting to ANYTHING to pull at your emotions. WHAT. A. DICK.

Chin up OP, you should be SO proud of yourself for not even acknowledging this behaviour.
I know it's hard but keep doing you 🌈💪🏻

@captainpantbeard. I know, who would have thought those 4 words could hurt so much, but they do.
My friend was saying last week, that even in the future, when all the hurt has gone and I’m leading a fabulous life ( we were talking about the Tesco car park moment!!). He will always be referred to as the ‘no need to reply’ twat!!

@LJenn - that’s what I thought. I was reading this long rambling text and was reading ahead for the apology I thought was coming, but it didn’t.
@Upstartcrones - I’ll block him when I feel it’s doing me more damage to read his crap than not. Nothing about his texts make me want to contact him, quite the opposite. Had I blocked him at the start, I think I would have thought he’d be bombarding me with apologies and explanations(!!) Also, as I’ve said before, by blocking him it says something to him, and he deserves nothing from me. Not even that.

@user1471427667 couldn't agree more regarding the blocking..

The more you see and have seen, the angrier and stronger you can become knowing he is a tosser with no feelings. Sending hugs girl💕

If you realise this is all about him and his feelings the texts make more sense.

It will be something along the lines of - One day he wakes up and feels he could do better or he is in lust with someone else so you are swiftly dumped.
Next day he is in need of an ego boost so he tries to draw you back in..he can't so he is angry.
Then his anger calms down and he has memories of you both so decides to communicate them.

None of this is about you..only what you (or another person) can make him feel. It is likely he has a very unstable sense of self and needs others to reflect his feelings.

He (thankfully for you) screwed up with the dumping text as had he made the breakup more palatable you might have been more engaged in his cycle of hot/cold.

It is so difficult to relate to an emotionally unhealthy person and they are not easy to spot but he is probably unable to sustain genuine longterm relationships.

He did you an enormous favour by revealing his true colours as many of us married these type of men and had years of the uncertainty. They are however difficult to get over as it does mess with your head. They often say a month of recovery for every year of the relationship but where you can't process the end I think it takes much longer.

Keep doing what you are doing..complete no contact is the only way.

Have you thought about what you might do if he turns up to see you unexpectedly after not getting any reply to his texts?

I don't have any advice, I really don't know what I'd do in that eventuality, but maybe it's worth thinking about and getting a strategy ready in your head.

Perhaps other posters have some ideas. I hope he doesn't turn up but he sounds just stupid enough to not get the (silent) message you're sending him.

I agree with Techway that had he not been so horrible on his dumping text you may now be in a position where he is messing you about still. It makes it a lot easier to stay strong, I'm sure.

As other pp have said, it's an attempt to reel you in. His half hearted attempt didn't work, him calling you childish didn't work, he's now trying to appeal to your sentimental side. I do wonder what his next tact will be.

Well done op for seeing through him games and realising how toxic he's being

Nasty bastard...

Text him back with "I'm sorry you found out, it was just sex.... really really good sex mind but I didn't intend to hurt you.

Smiley face

Block

His new relationship hasn't worked out, OP. So now he is sniffing back round you for some chance at getting back in your knickers. What a vile chancing twat he is.

He will move on to the next victim when he accepts it isn't working with you. Good on you for resisting replying. It would only feed his ego and think he is in with a chance of more sex, and it would only cause you immeasurable more hurt.

Stay strong, sister!!

Fucking weirdo!

Ignore, ignore, ignore!

I’m fairly sure he’ll start with nasty texts next...

OP - are you a Sex and the City fan? He sounds like a TOTAL Berger. Only in this case it was a text, not a Post-it. What a twit.

Also, that Lady Gaga song is AMAZING! But it's not about a boyfriend, it's about her father. So now you can listen to it and love it without thinking of that muppet who doesn't deserve you.

He had someone lined up, or had already cheated.
So he dumped you by text saying "no need to reply" to try and avoid feeling bad and guilty - he wanted a totally clean blameless end.

Now the weeks of silence are winding on and hes feeling more and more guilty and bad about the situation - maybe even a few friends have asked what happened - so hes moved onto the classic tactic of "if we are friendly now then that means it CAN'T have been that bad because hey! If it was bad then she wouldnt be talking to me!"

He's looking for you and him to still be friendly because that means everything is and was "fine". You staying silent and totally unreachable means you're leaving him sitting with all his guilt and no excuses.

Bloody hell. I think it's wishful thinking to think he's feeling guilty. None of his actions betray that emotion or he'd have apologised or shown some consideration for how you were doing. Instead it's all about him. How he remembers x and y. Where is the thought for you in all this?

I really think you've had a lucky escape and you handled it beautifully.

Delurking to offer virtual support, though you're so awesomely strong in your resolve. And also to give an eye roll and an ugh of distain to the ex.

Pathetic. He's shown he's not remorseful, he just craving attention isn't he? He thinks you're his line of least resistance, better then devil you know and all that.

My prediction for next communication will be an attempt to show you what you're "missing". A smug mention of someone new or of an achievement or maybe even a pic.

You're in the better place OP. Better without him and better than him.

He’s a bloody strange creature, isn’t he! It must be driving him mad that you don’t reply. You’d think he’d have worked it out that you’re not going to by now.

God OP, I soooooooooooooo hope you get your Tesco car park moment. I'm going to follow this thread forever, and you HAVE to update in the future if it ever happens.

He is a total knob, every text just makes it more and more disrespectful - and that first text was the lowest of the low to begin with! Keep being fabulous and strong. As Lizzo would say "time to take a deep breath, time to focus on you" (love that song and her whole 'love yourself' approach to life).

I’m reading all your posts and you are all spot on. How did you get to be so wise? Why did I not know all this stuff before and yet now it all makes perfect sense?
I feel stupid. Like our whole relationship was a joke, a game and that now he is mocking me.
The saving grace is that he sent that shitty text. Anything more palatable as a pp said, I would have wanted to try and work things out and got sucked back in.
@daddyorchipsdaddyorchips- I have watched sex and the city years ago but don’t remember that! Are you sure that song is about her dad? The lyrics about not wanting to feel another touch or kiss another stranger?
Mind you, at the moment, if I hear ANY song, I somehow relate it to him.
I’ll be fine, being hormonal isn’t helping. I’m going to hunt down some chocolate when I’m finished in an hour.Staying off the wine though 🍷

I’d be very tempted to text back. Just once.

“Stop texting me. We no longer have a relationship. I am seeing someone else and he is getting as sick of your texts as I am. Take the hint. Fuck off. No need to reply”.

Just in case this incredible tosspot tries to ramp up his games, it might be an idea to think through how you'll react if he starts sending flowers or as a PP said, actually turning up.

You're amazing btw. Such strength and dignity in your actions!

I'd be tempted to text back

Stop texting - as well

But I'd add

No need to reply.

Seriously just get on with your life. He's an idiot who is playing games.

I knew he would text again he can't leave alone as you are been so strong by not replying. It's infuriating that he thinks you will just be like oh yeah it's okay let's just crack on together but also shows his lack of depth of feeling for anyone but himself. I would not be surprised if he tries to "accidentally" bump into you now

He sounds unhinged. What normal person wouldn't acknowledge and try and explain/apologise for the dumping text???
I kind of like the text from @JillAmanda above just to head off the possibility of him actually turning up. Or maybe not. Maybe hold out for a genuine Tesco moment.

How did you get to be so wise?

We’re probably older than you & men are optimistic when it comes to assessing our ability to see through them.

STILL NO APOLOGY
Focus on that!!