Is it ok for a lover to ask repeatedly for sex acts he knows you don't want?

[Interestedwoman]

I'm not going into grizzly details in this original post as I'm on Relationships rather than Sex board, but will give more detail in the thread if people request it.

My lover/FWB says there's nothing wrong with him asking for what he wants, even though I've told him I'm not into X, Y and Z.

I did do these things early on (a lot of people are wilder at the start of something I think) but gradually decided they weren't for me- or there are some things I've never liked, which I've made clear from the start.

I have bipolar and was in a ridiculously horny phase when we started seeing each other. I also have more insecurities about my body at the moment as I put on a bit of weight.

Another thing he's said is that most women enjoy X, (which he loves and I don't really like) and says maybe I should have therapy so I can enjoy it, as I could be missing out.

Interested in your opinions :)

@Guiltypleasures001 That must've been very awlward xxx

Apparently, according to the woman who described him as pushy and creepy, one of 'Bob's' chat up lines now is that he's a sex therapist. Someone said, 'He needs a sex therapist, more like.' Another 'He needs a therapist.' (full stop)

I suppose he did say to me once in a msg that in his work he 'helps women piece together their orgasm.' He said he 'talks about sex all the time at work' and that was why he was so ready to talk about it (but strangely mostly with single women.) I know people do mention sex in therapy, but probably not as often with other therapists as they don't go on about it as often. I can imagine him spontaneously asking clients about it maybe.

Oh man, I came across the profile of a friend of his on FB, who it seems from the post he's had 'sex' with in the past.

I stupidly thought he'd told me about all the dalliances he'd had. This shows that those I know about are probably just the tip of the iceberg.

It's also clear that she's vulnerable in some way, as she's posted this as a public post for all to see, pretty much asking for recommendations/reviews of sex venues. I mean, some women are just that outspoken about sex and that's them in which case that's fine, but that isn't what she seems like in this post.

And she trusted him.

NO NO NO

I just had a thought. Imagine.

Me:- 'My lover's a therapist and he said maybe I could have therapy to enjoy X sex act as a lot of women like it.'

Therapist 'What are your feelings about it?' (or something like that)

Me:- 'I really don't like it.'

Therapist 'How do you feel about the fact that he's asked you to do that?' 'What're your feelings about your relationship with Bob in general'?'

I don't play a good therapist but you know what I mean lol. At least a fair chunk of the session would be taken up with how I was being nagged sexually, how uncomfortable it made me feel, that I was only doing it to keep him as a friend etc etc.

I don't think most therapists would've taken that session in the direction he hoped

Hilarious/ridiculous really.

I think it'dve been an extra shortcut to the end of the 'relationship.'

Hi all, it's been over 9 months since I blocked this sleazeball. I thought I would update in case anyone's interested.

Some people both on MN and in real life said I should forget about it the next day. I was angry and I considered that anger completely understandable and healthy, rather than trying to pretend I had forgotten about it next week.

My anger was/is not unconstructive, I spent a lot of time thinking how I would act if someone did A, B or C dodgy things he did etc, and what I would do if people treated me badly- lovers, friends, anyone.

I began to block anyone who gave me the creeps or treated me in a way that was hurtful. This led to my feeling protected against some ill treatment, and less at the mercy of how others act, as dodgy behavioured people just won't last in my life.

After a few months I sought therapy as I didn't think it was right that I was still angry. The therapy just helped me accept that I was rightfully angry about how numerous men/people have treated me over the years and I'll try not to let people treat me any which way just because I wanted friends etc. I considered how soon I would block/not be involved with unpleasant people, and how I would handle conflict in future (which I was never taught to do.)

I know it's controversial, but I thought his wife had a right to know about the hundreds of anonymous men he'd got off with, and some affairs with women.

Don't think she confronted him. Apparently she waits on him hand and foot. Someone who treats her very badly in a lot of ways. What a way to live.

Supposedly 'Bob' is stressed about his dad's health now. Some people actually don't believe that's true at all as he lies his arse off about everything. I think he will miss having a supportive friend, lockdown would also not be his thing. As a friend said, I needn't be annoyed that he gets away with so much- she doesn't think he's happy, she said, 'I don't think his mental health is good. All that lying to everyone all the time must be exhausting.'

Did a lot of things to reinvent myself, including stuff based on my feminism.

So, those are some of the things that've happened. I'm having the best year of my life, free of men and the demands of sex. Would recommend.

Oh and I play pokemon devoutly and love it. He had got trading in the game completely wrong, don't know if it was deliberate as a narcissistic game. His mobility is also poor, so some of the lovely places I've spent time at due to the game he couldn't reach and enjoy the way I do.

It's great to hear how far you've come and I hope this gives hope to anyone else ending a relationship.

Just read your latest message. I'm so pleased you have managed to free yourself from this predatory abusive man.

You should never do things during sex you don't like or want to. If you fancy giving it a go, then fine, but if you've said no, then you shouldn't have to keep saying no.