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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Man niggles.

177 replies

loveyoutothemoon · 18/01/2020 18:09

What niggles would make you end a new relationship?

OP posts:
Menora · 18/01/2020 18:19

Clingy
Distant
Vain
Unable to have a topic of conversation covering broad topics
Unclean
Obsessed with something (gaming, a hobby)
Ex problems
Short temper
Flakey on plans
Vague about themselves
Love bombing you
Alcohol issues
Smoking weed taking any drugs
Used prostitutes in the past
Poor communicator
Unemployed

Where do you want me to end the list

CassidyStone · 18/01/2020 18:21

Body odour and bad teeth

Pinkbonbon · 18/01/2020 18:26

Speaking in a derogative manner about their ex/ex's. Or just generally being a snide/gossipy such and such about ppl and not having a nice thing to say about others.

Hints at entitled or mysoginistic viewpoints. And hints at not being willing to do his fair share in the relationship. Eg: he just expects you to do the cooking/cleaning.

Coldness and selfishness or hits at a lack of empathy.

Saying one thing one day and the opposite the next or obvious, regular white lies.
Argumentative nature. Never being able to feel at ease around them for some reason.

purpleberry11 · 18/01/2020 18:27

Menora ,you must be perfect.
I think everyone must have at least one from your list

HollowTalk · 18/01/2020 18:29

Really, @purpleberry11?

MrsTumbletap · 18/01/2020 18:29

Bad breath
No sense of humour
Selfish in bed
Can't have an interesting conversation with them
Racist
Sexist
Depression

restingbitchface30 · 18/01/2020 18:30

Being distant, unavailable, bad breath and still talks about an ex. Oh and moving too quick. Once had a guy ask me what his future in laws (I.e my family) were like on a first date. And no not in a being cheeky having a laugh kinda way. Oh and I had an ex calling a guy on our second date and she was called ‘my sarah’ in his phone! Nope

Interestedwoman · 18/01/2020 18:30

Excessive temper/making me feel like I have to walk on eggshells.
Insults, such as about my body etc

restingbitchface30 · 18/01/2020 18:30

@MrsTumbletap ooh no sense of humour is a deal breaker

Sunsetandmoonlight · 18/01/2020 18:32

Smoker
Excessive drinker
Tight
Too macho

Menora · 18/01/2020 18:34

@purpleberry11

It’s ok I am single don’t worry I am not inflicting my perfect self on anyone else

I’m not vain
I am not clingy
I don’t have any obsessive hobbies
I don’t have any ex problems
I have a job
I don’t have a short temper
I’m not vague or unreliable or flaky
I don’t have any alcohol issues or take drugs
I’m clean
I can hold down a conversation about lots of topics
Never used a prostitute either

loveyoutothemoon · 18/01/2020 19:11

Thanks all. I wanted to see if my main niggle came up. I'm not sure what to do about it, but I think if it was a friend or someone on here I'd tell them to get rid.

Thinking about a few short relationships in the past, that they were 'the one that got away' and wondering if I could have ignored stuff and put things down to slight niggles, I'm concerned I could be doung the same here.

Been separated for 7 / 8 years and once the novelty of a new man wore off I got bored and went back to my happy single life claiming that I can't do relationships!

Anyway. Back to he current one. Been a few niggles, one of which, I pulled him up on and he totally acknowledged and stopped doing so.

He brought it up himself at the start that he was immature, ( through no prompting or problems). I love his sensible side very much, and he's 48. But he thinks, shows and talks about his penis all the time. All our visits have to involve his penis in some way. We go to places together, it's not just visits to mine and his.

On the other hand he's very thoughful and I'm very attracted to him and do have feelings for him. I would miss him if it ended, but also don't want to just settle.

Am I being picky?

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 18/01/2020 19:13

Also, with any other relationship that I've had, if it hasn't felt right I've had no problem ending it. I don't know why I'm so unsure about this one?

OP posts:
Sunsetandmoonlight · 18/01/2020 19:17

What do you mean all your visits have to involve his penis?

bigchris · 18/01/2020 19:19

he's 48. But he thinks, shows and talks about his penis all the time. All our visits have to involve his penis in some way. We go to places together, it's not just visits to mine and his.

If this isn't a wind up I'd bin him

mamato3lads · 18/01/2020 19:20

What?? Involve his penis HOW?

mamato3lads · 18/01/2020 19:22

And hang on, SHOWS his penis?

Where ?
To who?
Why hasn't he been arrested?

This has got to be a wind up

CassidyStone · 18/01/2020 19:25

He gets his dick out in public? Shock
That is a deal breaker, my friend.

3rdchristmaslucky · 18/01/2020 19:26

Does he have a nice penis?

Sunsetandmoonlight · 18/01/2020 19:26

I don’t think anyone was going to put that as a niggle.

loveyoutothemoon · 18/01/2020 19:27

I don't seem to have been very clear! And my post is a bit jumbled sorry.
Basically, although we do other things apart from staying in, when we are in the house he's thinking with his penis all the time. So he's either talking about it, touching it, getting me to touch it or getting it out (without warning or any build up).

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 18/01/2020 19:28

Or messaging about it

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 18/01/2020 19:30

@Sunsetandmoonlight so a deal breaker rather than a niggle?

OP posts:
GilbertMarkham · 18/01/2020 19:30

I'd consider that to be mal-adjusted/dysfunctional tbh.

MikeUniformMike · 18/01/2020 19:32

Speaking in a disparaging manner about his ex.
Boasting
Talking excessively about himself and his friends
Being a smartarse
Weight/appearance comments other than you look nice type things.
Clinginess
Love bombing
Obsessiveness

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