Contact from the other woman

[FMO1976]

I have just received a text from the woman I suspected my husband was having an affair with - it arrived when we were in the car together and it was read out through the car speakers.

She said she felt that needed to tell me - people are gossiping at work, and she has told him to stop the contact. What should I do?

We didn’t separate - he admitted the affair, and we stayed married.

You said on your other thread something along the lines of "he had an affair but came back for the DC" 🤷‍♀️

OP, I think you need to find some anger here. If you don't, you will be living this life forever.

Anyone bothering to reply to this should read OPs other thread before spending your time and energy trying to help this person.

This is a very odd turn of events. I’m just trying to work out what my move would be if there was gossip about me and my boss.... would I go ahead and text his wife? I think I would speak to my boss and tell him that we need to implement some kind of change - to reduce contact or to change teams in order to shut down the gossip. I wouldn’t go behind his back to speak to his wife and give her the message you’ve relayed. Surely he will make her life very difficult at work? I wonder if she’s got wind of your threats to expose him at work and is trying to head you off at the pass. Maybe OW is a mumsnetter.

@divebar

Thank you. What do you mean ‘head you off at the pass’. She probably has no clue that my H messed up so I know who she is.....I can only think that she’s hoping I leave him and then they can say they only started after I left him....

@gazelda

He said it was the wrong thing to be doing, he loved the kids, wanted to make it work etc.

Do not waste your time posting, this woman can’t be helped and just wants attention. Read other post!

Just phone her. Like, now. Ask her to confirm who she is and what contact she's asking him to stop.

She can't just stop contact if they work closely enough together to have work calls late in an evening.

I think OP is trying to convince herself that an open marriage is the way forward. I wonder how he would take it if OP found a bit on the side.
Her dh is a serial cheater and comes back for the kids, clearly not wanting to be with the OP at all.
This is obviously good enough for her and she thinks he's a great role model for her kids, obviously.
I'm not sure what OP wants, tbh.

@FMO1976

You were talking about reporting him at work so perhaps she got wind of that and is trying to disassociate herself from him ( implying he is bothering her ). I think if you don’t want to break up the family then maybe an open marriage IS the way forward. “ Don’t ask, don’t tell”. Keep things very quiet - get yourself a FWB and maintain the lifestyle that you want. Accept who he is or split up but he is not faithful to you and you can’t change him.

Phone her, get the proof, off to the solicitor.

I don't know why you keep endlessly posting on this . You've made to clear that you are happy to stay in it for the money so ...bite the bullet that comes with that.

@thestuffedpenguin

That’s not true as the motive - I am honestly not that interested in money, and he’s hardly Wayne Rooney who seems to get away with murder and it’s worse for Colleen as her boys read all about it in the papers.

Its very easy not to be interested in money when you have plenty of it.

Tbh, you could make this easy for yourself by telling your DH to only play outside the firm, not to embarrass you in any way, and at least to spend more time with the kids. You find yourself a decent hobby, and possibly a suitable friend of your own. Make more use of the nanny. You both carry on living very comfortably indeed.

I can’t figure out why she sent me the message - to put the blame on him if people gossip - although she’s an adult. To clear her guilt. To make him want to leave? I don’t get it - I guess it’s only when I call her that I’ll know

She's telling you it's gossip so when someone tells you the truth they'll have already prepared their excuses. That's pretty damn obvious.

What excuses?

The "we already explained it's just gossip" excuses?

She's told you in the hope of him leaving you for her. I hope to god you don't stay with him after another affair.

The most common reason for the other woman/man to contact the partner is because the person has finished with them and they want to get back at them. Though there is the chance she’s trying to split you up so she can have him

OP, I was the other woman in this situation before.

I told his wife so that she could make her own decisions.

I'd broken it off with him and asked him to leave me alone, make things work with his Mrs and move on. He continued to contact me, telling me he loved me etc.

I told her just to get it off my chest and give her the chance to make an informed decision regarding her relationship.

I was completely honest with her but only told her anything relevant to me, and left the other issues with their relationship out of it.

She's a trash person (as I was) but she's trying not to be super trash. Letting you find out before the gossip gets to you.

@3rdchristmaslucky

Did you stay wrong despite him keep coming back to you? Fair play, stronger woman than many.

3rdchristmaslucky

respect for your honesty.. and I agree with your suggestion at her reasoning.. she's giving full disclosure, she is done with him ..

This ones pretty easy to work out
Just meet up with her or call her
She'll have details he can't deny....if she is telling the truth

(Which for the record, I think she is)

@FMO1976

He was my boss, I was young. I left the job and everything to get away from the situation.

He tried to lie to her about it, as then to play it down and eventually he came out with it all.

I left the door open for her, if she had any questions, it was the least I could do considering I'd thrown a bomb into her relationship. So everytime he lied, she would verify with me. It's worth giving her a call.

Side note- no woman wants to be the other woman. No woman wants to out themselves like that and have people look t them in that light. She's regretting what she's done and she's being honest with you. She's got no reason to lie.